Cleaning bears: Trails will be closed while they tidy up.
Democratic Bears: The trail will be open when a majority wants it to be.
Enfranchised bears.
You just know they voted MAGA, Abandon all hope oh yee who enter the trail.
Fashionable bears: Clothe the trail.
Grapist bears: \color{purple}{\text{Trails are permanently closed until further notice}}.
Hyacinthine bears: trail is closed while rangers can distinguish between grapist bears and those who just rolled in the blueberry patch.
Itchy bears. Harmless; they’re too busy scratching their backs against the tree barks to cause any trouble.
Jocose bears.
The trail is open. Go on, let them give you a hug. No harm can come of it.
Kaleidoscope bears - The trails are open, but you should keep your eyes firmly on the trail in front of you while you are moving.
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Limericking bears: There once were some bears in the trees/who found hikers nearby quite a tease/They ate one or two/thus the rangers all knew:/Close that trail for one week maybe threes.
Mendacious bears - The trail does not need to be closed, the bears are quite safe.
Nattering bears: Trails will remain open, just ignore them.
Optimistic Bears: They’re sure the trail will be open tomorrow.
They’ll bet their bottom dollar.
That tomorrow.
Come what may.
Petulant bears. Closed for one day. Not because the bears are dangerous but because they make the experience unpleasant. They’re usually over it (whatever “it” might happen to be) by the next day, and then the trail can be opened again.
Quaker Bears. Parks are open, as the bears believe in non-violence. Unless, y’know, they’re hungry.
Rambunctious bears.
Trails open because they don’t want to kill you … but bears will be bears.
Sugar bears: Trails are open to “generous” hikers only.
Tumescent bears.Trail is closed for safety reasons until things calm down a bit.
Ugly bears. Hikers are warned not to comment on their appearance.