Boy George bears: Trails are open while bears do their crying game.
Curious bears - As long it takes them to find out what wild bears do in the woods.
Demonic bears: Trail closed until completion of exorcism.
Exorcist bears. We’re not sure if it was such a good idea to call these guys in, but see the entry for D, above.
Fuzzy-Wuzzy Bear: Trail will be closed until Fuzzy-Wuzzy grows his hair back, or rangers can find him and fit him with a suitable faux-fur coat.
-“BB”-
Gambling bears: Don’t close trail but instead look for opportunities to beat the odds on other hikers (come/don’t come?) making it safely (pass/don’t pass?) out of the woods.
Hellbound bears: Trails are not closed, but hikers are strongly urged not to follow them.
Insulting bears: Trails are open, just be prepared to be roasted.
Judgemental bears.
Trails are open. They won’t eat you. They have higher standards.
Kalidahs: Trails are closed, locked down, chained up and enchanted.
Low bears in yellow coats: Be wary of any “Trail Closed” signs.
Mama bears: Trail is closed indefinitely … trust us, you don’t want to mess with them.
Nasty bears: Trails are closed, because ew.
Operatic bears: Trail closed until the fat lady stops singing.
Polar Bears: Trail closed from mid-Autumn until late Spring, 'cause it’s too cold.
Quiescent bears. Trail open but be quiet traveling along it.
Righteous bears: Trails remain closed while these SoCal Disciples of Spicoli wander about. Duuude.
Studious bears: Close the trail until exams are over.
Tim Bears. Trail closed until the tree falls.
Upside down bears: ˙…ʎɐdsɹuɥꓕ ʇxǝn ʅᴉʇnu dǝsoʅɔ ǝb ʅʅᴉʍ ʅᴉɐɹꓕ