Ohh, but Moe, not the dank. Not the dank!
Congratsaloha Alphagene!
A more brilliant choice, I cantfuckin imagine.
This doesn’t mean you can’t hurl off the mod hat and course invective though, does it?
:::wringing hands:::
That would be a sad occasion.
Alphagene
I haven’t had the pleasure of getting into any discussions with you yet, but you stuck up for my question in GQ and that’s good enough for me.
Congratulations, I’m sure you’ll make a great pit master.
Oh, dear GOD!
NOOOOOOOOO!!!
They said the evil would spread like syphilis on the wind!
And now, this!
Surely, this is more foul than herpes, more evil than crabs!
This is a hideous social disease…
Anyone got a condom?
Best!
Byz
(Slut of the ages, whore of the world, bitch of all that is bitchy.)
(But really, a nice person.)
(Sucker!)
Earlier tonight (actually, last night…I’ve been spending too goddamn much time on this board), I congratulated Alphagene on his appointment as co-moderator.
I wanted to be especially respectful of him and his awesome power, and be careful to toe the line, especially given his feelings on new posters:
**
“From now on, no-one is allowed to post until they have at least 50 posts.”–Alphagene
**
A few minutes ago, I posted message number 52…
**
HEY, ALPHAGENE, BITE ME!!!
**
After all, this IS the Pit!
Congrats Alpha, I hope your balls swell up to the size of grapefruits and you lose the use of your appendix.
well done!
Cool. Congratulations.
Alphagene, you have been given power to control the pit, you have been given a button more awesome than the white house. As you traverse across the desert of the pit, may your caravan travel safely, and may you never be downwind of the spitting camel.
Shit, this is the PIT after all. May your camel pass gas with every step, and may the desert winds carry it directly to your nostrils, you scum!
Sili
Such a pussy fucking bastard. Worthless piece of shit. Couldn’t have happened to a more useless bag of douche. Fucking queef. 
Hmm… you must worship me, then. I am a walking Simpsons reference.
–Tim
Congrats Alphagene, now will you hold my purse for a minute ?
::running away::
sigh
For some reason people think I am the one who started the thread in the pit bitching about all the crap women keep in their purses.
I will say this once: It was Omniscient, not me. Omniscient.
The proof can be found in this thread. Not only that, I think you will find that I defended purse owners everywhere while shooting off a now legendary flame directed at Omni (see the second post on the second page). The observer will notice that many of my flames tend to feature an anthropology theme.
Future apology accepted.
OK, Alphagene, I apologise, but will you hold my purse anyway ?
Well, I guess congratulations to your new job.
Who is on your “Must Destroy List” and your “Crush Like a Bug List”? It might be interesting to see exactly who should watch what they say.
Oh yes, this is the pit…suck my nut and eat shit fucker. (I wish you the most in your new position)
So,
you carry a purse?
What’s in it?
Tampons?
Do you use them to blot your lips after you vomit all over the pit? Or just women?
Have you stopped beating your wife yet? What about your boyfriend?
Do the scales of justice hurt your hands yet or is the fire from syphilis?
When are you going to stop farting?
Is it a medical condition or just for fun?
So,
Hate me yet?
Why are you breathing hard?
Is it congenital or herpes?
Bye!
(Running for MPSIMS knowing that you can only fuck with the new moderator for a few (weeks? months?)
Hey, what happened to all my posts? Why was my name–
Congradulations Alphagene…Here is your squeeky Mallet and rubber chicken. Please don’t use them in the manner that we know you…ugh, too late…At least you could clean off the d*mn chicken afterwards! Eech.
Yes! Kind words! What they said above, me too!
(What did you expect from a parrot - Shakespeare? I’ve got enough trouble hunt and pecking the keys.)
Comets spew fired from the skies, the earth shakes, crows fly backwards and politicians refuse bribes…
Alphagene co-moderating the pit; it’s a sign.
I’m not sure what kind of sign, but it wouldn’t suprise me to read that Hummel collections spontaneously exploded in homes here and abroad; 'ittle bitty porecelain fragments of apple-cheeked tots and furry kittens hurtling like shrapnel.
:::backs away sloooowly:::
Well, congratulations, Alpha. It’s a match made in…Kafka? (Sartre: “Hell is other people.”?)
And you did too get pissy in Omni’s “purse” thread! He ranted and wanted to know what women carried in them; when they answered you accused (yes! accused!) respondants of hogging bandwidth. Being anthropological in tone lately, you should appreciate the need for rappelling gear, snakebite kits, Finno-Ugric dictionaries…
:::runs like hell, grouping in her purse for wolfbane:::
Veb
Oh Veb, I recognize the importance of purses to the ladies. I just didn’t want detailed list after detailed list of what flavor of Tic-Tacs each woman has in her purse.
You got chapstick in your purse? Swell. Do I care? No.
By the way, the exploding Hummel imagery was a nice touch.
BTW, Veb, what flavor chapstick do you carry in your purse?
And did you know that chapstick can be used to lubricate stuck zippers, windows, and drawer slides?
Stop bleeding from shaving nicks?
Moisturize facial skin to prevent windburn?
Remove a ring stuck on your finger?
Groom a mustache or eyebrows?
Lubricate nails and screws?
Shine leather shoes?
Prevent hair coloring from dyeing your skin?
(Wacky Uses
Poor men, consigned to a life without purses because of old-fashioned chauvinistic attitudes - they’re never properly equipped to deal with life’s little emergencies.