Please join me in welcoming Alphagene as co-moderator of the Pit. Lynn Bodoni as many of you know is recovering from major surgery and wants to take life a little easier (although she’ll continue to monitor the Pit and participate in SDMB administration).
Alphagene has always struck us as a smart, level-headed guy, but if you must know the proximate reason he got this job was the following exchange. Somebody said:
To which Alphagene replied:
I signed him up on the spot.
YES! I knew that bribe in Chicago would pay off. 
Now I know FOUR mods personally! Wooohoo! (Like it’ll do me any good…)
Congrats Alpha, you fucker.
This is truly a glorious day. Congrats, Alphie!
(You ruled the pit the whole time, anyway)
Alphagene? In the Pit? It’s so crazy that it just might work!
Congrats, Alpha. I’m very happy for you. Since you don’t drink coffee, can I have the mug?
Can’t think of a better Pit-Master!
Hope Lynn’s feeling better, though . . .
Oops, sorry, this IS the Pit . . . You should both grow like onions, with your heads in the ground and your feet in the air!
And since you usually go around naked, can I have the tee shirt?
Break a leg, Alphagene, and hearty congratulations!
(Lessee…I have now personally gotten shitface drunk with…{counts on fingers}…a whole HELL of a lot of moderators and administrators…)
Lick my ass, fuckwad.
(Which, in non-Pit, translates to “Congratulations, Alphagene.” You have to be very careful in the pronunciation of ‘fuckwad’; if pronounced as two seperate words, say like ‘fuck wad’, one actually says “Satan, your dick is as large as my horse’s. I have immense respect for your genitaliar accomplishments,” and I’d never want to be accused of saying that.)
Thanks for the intro, Ed.
I would like to say first off that I would like to be known as the guy who put the “mod” into “moderator”.
Also, in the tradition of your co-moderator Lynn “Bodini” Bodoni, bribery is not only allowed, it is encouraged. It would be worth your while. The Straight Dope has installed a huge red flashing button the size of my fist labelled “BAN POSTER” to my PC. And while I am capable of restraint, I have to admit, it is very tempting.
Cigarettes are not to be used as currency. Anyone caught using cigarettes as currency will spend a week in the hole.
Beautimous. Less than three hours and the greasy haired doofus is already lording his power over us.
What a sucko.
Fucking tyrant.
Go ahead, ban me you prick. I’ve got friends in high places now.
In the words of those highly advanced green tentacled aliens that always bug the Simpsons… “Holy Flurking Shnit!”
We’ve got Moderators up the yin-yang now (and, boy, is it uncomfortable). Congrats to ‘em all (Alpha and Unclebeer alike… lucky bastards…). Here’s to some good Moderatin’!
By the way, Alpha, what CAN be used as currency? Cowry shells? 128-meg RAM chips? Subscriptions to “Playdope”?
Alpha, I just want to apologize for all the times I’ve pissed you off. Now ease the mouse off the red button please…
Gee, next thing you know, i’ll be a moderator. Nahh…seems like kinda a boring job to me. Have
fun alphagene and your brother betagene and how could forget Omegagene. Sorry I can’t seem to hold my train of thought today for more than 13 seconds.
And that’s different than any other day how, Silo??
Anyhoo, Congrats Alpha, I trust you’ll keep this place the dark, desolate, ummmm, pit that it is.
Then give me back the smokes you mooched off me in Chicago, fuckwad.
Oh, excuse me, that should be “Your Most High and Mighty, Fuck Wad.”
Congratulations, Alphagene! I know you’ll do a great job!
Oh, wait…this is the Pit…okay, here goes:
You’re such a motherfucker!
How was that? Maybe I should ask Satan for lessons?
While I wholeheartedly congratulate Alphagene on his promotion, I am also worried. See, the Pit is a very hostile environment.
I would hate to see a spontaneous, caring and happy lad like Alphagene turn into a mysanthropic, sarcastic son of a bitch because of Pit Overexposure.
Who am I kidding 
Congrats, you lame scrote!
Hmm… I dunno, but Simpsons references are a great way to gain my respect.
I have also been specifically requested to maintain the “dank”.
I wouldn’t worry, Pundit. I don’t even see your name on my Must Destroy list. So you’re probably not on my Crush Like a Bug List either.
And those cigarettes weren’t for me, Cristi. I gave it to the red-hot geriatric waitress I was working.
Congrats to ya Alpha. Bite me.
How many more posts do I have to make before I get to be a moderator?