Inspired by previous threads, I invite you all to criticize, analyze, and comment upon my medical school admissions essay. Don’t be shy, gather round, there’s a fleshy, awkward sentence for everyone to grab onto and rip apart.
“My first patient was as a sophomore in high school. He was an 83 year old stroke patient, and I knew how to take a blood pressure. I didn’t introduce myself or ask him about what I was about to do before grabbing his arm. We were both anxious, but he was stricken with aphasia and paralyzed on the left side of his body, so all he did was stutter when I tore off the blood pressure cuff. A firefighter cautioned, “Easy!” but I was missing the point. We had arrived in a large red quarter million dollar truck with flashing lights and siren; what was the point of wasting precious seconds talking to patients? It was unfortunate that, in my haste, I had forgotten what his blood pressure actually was.
Fortunately, the Los Angeles firefighters knew better. After three more years under their tutelage, I had seen what a group of medical professionals was capable of. I saw how they could combine patient interaction and diagnostic techniques to deliver both top-rate emergency care and comfort to people in need of assistance.
Learning about and applying medicine triggers my intellectual curiosity in the same way that the best of my high school and college career has. It has been on opportunity to study the incredible organization and efficiency in the human body, and brought meaning and purpose to chemistry, even organic chemistry!
The chance to work with patients drove me back to volunteer at the firehouse weekend after weekend for as long as I could. When I graduated from high school, I sought out a search and rescue organization, received my EMT-B certification, volunteered at Lutheran Hospital over the summer when I worked on organic chemistry, and took a position as a residential advisor to provide the same guidance, advice, and support that my RA provided to me as a freshman.
Since my first interactions with medicine in high school, I have had a great deal of opportunity to see more aspects of medical care; inside of spotless new under-worked suburban emergency departments, over-worked urban emergency departments, dilapidated nursing homes, resource rich endoscopy clinics, and resourceful immunization clinics. I’ve fed Alzheimer’s patients, been a part of the mountain rescue team that provides comfort and reassurance to fallen climbers as well as a ride off of the mountain, provided an open door and support to freshmen stressed and away from home for the first time, and helped to bridge the gaps in patient care that open up in a busy ER.
This past summer I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work with
an exceptional group of biochemists working to further basic understanding of telomeres and the enzyme telomerase. That position gave me an increased respect for the amazing complexity and design that drive even the “simplest” biological systems. Working within the lab has made my communication, research, and argumentation more precise and effective. I’ve been permitted a glimpse of how science works and I’ve discovered the intellectual joy of designing and carrying out experiments that yield meaningful results. Nonetheless, although I have a tremendous respect for the individuals that expand our fundamental knowledge of nature, my clinical and research experiences have allowed me to learn that my true passion in life lies with clinical medicine and translational research.
Through medical school, internship, residency, and practice as a physician, I will become a doctor that will serve his patients with compassion, technical expertise, openness to change, and an eye for the larger forces that can affect the way that medicine is practiced, such as expanding healthcare costs, increasingly advanced procedures and treatments, and an aging population facing demographic crisis. I have the academic preparation to succeed in medical school, the tenacity to serve as an intern and resident, but most importantly, a passion for patient care that will serve my patients as a physician.”
.