I took my annual drive past my former friends’ house tonight so I could see the mega tree in their window. These were the people I depended upon to be there when the day came that I had no blood family left. They were the people who would be there to do Christmas with no matter what. They were my family of choice (actually, they weren’t the whole family, but they were the hub. The family has since disintegrated.) These people were my bulwark against abandonment. You guessed it – they abandoned me. Without going into details, there was much fault on all sides, but I still miss them almost 4 years later.
So – considering that I don’t bother them, I don’t stand around outside with binoculars, I don’t go on their property, I don’t even want them to know that I’m there, and I only do this once a year to torment myself, am I a stalker?
I have a psychotic neighbor who’s fixated on me. He likes to come on my property and do things.
He pulled off the deer warning signal on my car and put it back at a 90 degree angle.
He’ll remove the tops off my garden lights and place them on the ground next to them.
I had a luggage rack on my car with a box on it and he loosened the tie down. If that box had come off on the road it could have killed someone.
He also loosened the cap on the gas can on the rack so it leaked gas on my car. If the gas had gotten to the hot muffler, that one could have killed me.
He came into my garage and removed a light bulb from my garage door opener, but left the lightbulb lying on the plastic light fixture.
He once saw me working on the air conditioner and the next morning I found the contents of a box I had outside dumped beside the air conditioner.
Now that’s stalking. But the police won’t do anything about it unless I catch him in the act. And I’d bet even then it would be my word against his and they still won’t do anything about it. I’d have to catch him on tape before they’d actually arrest him.
So, no, I don’t think you’re stalking your former friends.
"*Stalking” is a crime of harassment. The exact definition of stalking, and the acts that may be held to be stalking, are likely to vary from state to state. Generally, a person commits the offense of stalking if he or she makes a credible threat to another person and, in connection with the threat, repeatedly follows that person or repeatedly makes any form of communication with that person or a member of that person’s immediate family, whether or not a conversation occurs.
A “credible threat” is considered to be one that would cause a reasonable person to be in fear for the person’s life or safety of his or her immediate family. If the stalking occurs by virtue of repeated communications, it isn’t necessary that the communications be made at the same time as the threat to be considered “in connection” with the threat. They might occur before, during or after the threat is made, so long as the communication is related to, a part or in furtherance of the credible threat.
Stalking can also occur when a person repeatedly makes obscene comments or gestures to another person with the intent to harass them, either personally or by telephone- and includes acts done in public as well as those directed to someone in the privacy of his or her home. *
To me, and to the legal definition, stalking is threats and trying to hassle your victim. You aren’t stalking
You aren’t stalking them. The holiday season makes people nostalgic, it’s normal. There are people I haven’t seen or kept in touch with in years who can be depended upon to call me in December (and August, for some reason, also seems to draw ghosts out of the woodwork).
Also, **Khadaji ** and **Sage Rat ** both offer good, if contradicting, advice. If you’d like to reconcile with these people, give it a shot. You have nothing to lose. But if you don’t want to contact them, you should stop going by there if it depresses you.
I agree it is not stalking. A thought however. If someone in that house were to have seen you go by and recognized you, without you noticing, do you think they’d be happy, angry, suspicious or would it make them sad?
If there is a possiblity it is sad, maybe the suggestion to write them is a good one to consider.
I agree with the consensus here.
You should make one last try to reconcile. Even if they reject the offer, at least you know you won’t look back on this years from now wondering “What if?”.
Good luck. One way or another, I hope you get to enjoy happier holidays in the future.
I think it is stalking. It is ritualized (same thing, same time every year), and it is compelled (apparently can’t help but do it).
The notion that they don’t know it’s happening doesn’t make it not stalking. (Master Po mode) When the hunter stalks a deer, does he not strive for the deer to be unaware? (/MPm)
On the bright side you don’t mean them any harm and are not bothering them, so there’s no reason to worry about the police, much.
However I feel your stated location is definitely more than a little relevant. So if it was me I would want you to knock it off. It’s creepy, and people who do creepy things are creeps.
One way or another, I hope you get to enjoy happier holidays in the future.