Am I a sucker, or a decent person?

The BBQ Pit
1

Possibly both, I suppose - or at least, I’d like to think that I’m the latter.

This may not belong in the Pit, but it does feature the “N” word, so I figured this was the place for it.

Coming out of the Baja California Grill (mmm…Fish Taco!) with my lunch today, I was stopped by a black woman who was crying, and fairly distraught. She said “Please tell me you aren’t afraid of black people.” I assured her that I am not. (Fact is, I’m annoyed by MOST people, regardless of race, color, or creed, but that didn’t seem to be the thing to tell her.)

“The last guy I asked for help said ‘I don’t help niggers.’ We aren’t niggers, we’re just stupid. That’s our car over there, and that’s my brother. (I didn’t ask for specifics - it’s a big parking lot.) We drove all the way down from Winslow to go to a place called Tempe and a company called Motorola for a job. When we got there, they’d never heard of us. Now we just need to get back home, and I have $1.80. We’re going to need $25 worth of gas to get home, and I’ve been reduced to begging for it. I’m not doing so well at it, either.”

Again, I didn’t ask for specifics. One of the specifics I WOULD have asked for was how she expected to get home if they HAD heard of her at Motorola, but it didn’t matter. I chalked it up to a brain fart. I had debited my lunch, and all I had in cash was three dollars, which I handed over. She thanked me, and headed off to ask another guy in the lot.

And I wonder about it. Some parts of the story are iffy. Like the brain fart, and the fact that she was hardly dressed for job hunting (of course, it could have been her brother’s interview - I DID see a nicely dressed guy on the sidewalk as I was driving off). Maybe she was just a good actress, and I was conned. If I was - eh, it happens. Cost me three bucks. Maybe - just maybe - I was able to help someone who needed it, and gave her some faith that not all white people are racists. I sure hope so.

2

You’re a sucker.

3

Actually, you’re probably a decent person also, but you’re still a sucker too. They’re hardly mutually exclusive.

4

A sucker with good karma.

5

Sucker! She played you like a Stradivarius, baby!

Yes, I know it’s nice not to be cynical and give charity, but the truth is that you more than likely got conned. She played on your white liberal guilt and sense of decency to hand over $25 dollars. EVERY con artist hustling for dollars is “just trying to get to a job” so they’ll seem like worthy recipients of your charity.

C’mon, she and her “brother” drive all the way from Winslow because they already had a job lined up at Motorola? With no friends or family in greater Phoenix? Nobody to call back home? And they were just going to drive back?!!

No, you gave her faith that white professionals with good hearts are easy marks.

6

Being the cynic that I am I’d have to agree that you got conned, but if you’d not have liked yourself for not giving what you had, $3 is a small price to pay for a clear conscience.

7

I’m not sure that the OP should get patted on the back for being fooled by a con artist. You are under NO obligation to give money to anybody with a sob story. Being gullible is not the same as being virtuous.

8

You wouldn’t be the first man to be afraid of a crying woman, black,white or green! Especially green!
I think you’d still be a decent man if you hadn’t given her any money.

9

Well, this has the feel of a pretty well oiled scam. That said, I don’t feel like you should feel bad.

The fact is that you made the decision to trust and to give. Naturally, there will always be folks that take advantage of that, however in balance 3 bucks is a small price to pay for nurturing that part of your character.

10

I get hit with this all the time. Someone approaches me in a parking lot with a sob story about needing gas. It’s never just “I need gas”, there’s always a good tale to go along with it. Since I typically don’t carry cash I never have to worry about feeling guilty about not helping out.

I did give someone 3 bucks in gas once. He was holding a little gas can so I filled it up for him. I may have been suckered as well but I never really gave it much thought.

11

Other than the fact that I’m a chick. :smiley:

I don’t feel bad. I’m comfortable enough financially that three dollars isn’t a big deal, even if it was a con. I’m annoyed if it was, but only marginally. And I knew when I gave her the money that there was a chance that that was the case, and I still chose to do it.

However, if I ever see her there again, I’ll give her what for! :wink:

12

Originally posted by gobear

I’m not sure how my comment came to be seen as a pat on the back, but through some logic it apparently was. It was not my intent to congratulate Winnowill on the likelihood of being scammed out of $3, but rather to offer the small bit of comfort that if the alternative was always wondering and regretting not giving what he had, $3 was a small price for that peace of mind.

13

First, as others have said, you are a caring person.
And $3 isn’t much.

But it does have all the hallmarks of a scam.
If you want to, you can sort these people out by being extra-helpful.

In this case you could have said “That’s terrible. Not only have you been let down, but people have been rude. Look, the least I can do is give you a lift home myself.
Also I think we need to help other people who might be deceived like you, so we can call in at the police station first to tell them your story.”

If it’s a con, they’ll need big cojones to keep a straight face. Most likely they’ll mumble excuses and depart. (That saves you $3 - and you can call the police anyway.)

If they appear genuine (or have the nerve to take you up on your offer), just look at your watch and say you’ve got an urgent appointment.

14

I’m with the others. You’re what we in the south call “good people” but she gotcha.

15

Once when I was walking home from the train station I was approached by someone trying to borrow gas money. There was an added twist; his car had run out of gas and the gas station wanted a $25.00 “deposit” to lend him a gas can. Since I also don’t carry more cash than I need to, I didn’t have any to lend him. I did, however, offer to give him a gas can (when I had bought my house the previous owner had left three gas cans in the garage, so I figured I could spare one). He didn’t seem interested, which to my mind confirmed that he was trying to scam me.

16

Definite scamola. But I know the feeling. When I was about 12 or so, my friend Rob and I were walking down the street and met up with a guy who had pretty much the exact same story, except that he said it was the gas station that was racist. We gave him some money, because being 12 we weren’t expecting to be conned.

A month later, walking down the same street, we see the same guy with the same story. I said something like “Sir, you’ve tried this with us before. It worked last time, but this time it’s not going to.” I was proud of myself, until the guy completely blew up. He started screaming at us about being racist pieces of shit, etc., etc. Scared the bejeezus out of us, so we high-tailed it away to the nearest populated area. I’m still pissed at that bastard, though.

17

I’m with the “you’re a good person but you got scammed” crowd. Just look at how she did it - she planted the seed of “if I don’t help her, is it because I’m racist?” in your mind and then hit you quickly with a ploy for extra sympathy by picking on herself - “we’re just stupid”. But don’t feel bad. These con artists are masters at finding the right angle for maximum sympathy/guilt. And I’ll second the people who say that a good tactic is to be helpful, just not in the way that they expect - you weed out many of the con artitsts that way. When someone hit my father up for money for a $25 car part at church one day (you ever notice that these things are always around $25? Not so much that it seems impossible, but enough that they might get a fair amount from just one person), he offered to take the guy over to the auto store a block over and buy the part for him. He dissappeared very quickly and my father later learned that he had been running that scam at a number of churches in the area. On the other hand, I have seen a number of people very gratefully accept food, water, or clothing when it was offered to them. YMMV.

Don’t sweat it. Your heart was in the right place and the only real harm that was done was encouraging them to continue their scam.

18

Thanks for the 3 bucks! Hehehehehe…

Seriously though, I’m like you, always giving folks money with the slightest believable sob story. It’s because I’d rather take a chance that one of those sob stories are true than ignore all of them.

19

Like monstro, I often give to people if they seem in need. Often times, I chalk it up to the fact that I’ve just finished spending money on myself, why not help someone else out. Then I feel like a chump because I know I’ve been scammed. But, either way, the person needed money, so if they felt the need to tell a bum story to get it, well then, you should award them for their creativity.
But the gas story doesn’t get me anymore, I’ve had it used on me about ten times or so, and I often wonder “If you’re planning to get back to (someplace three hours away), why didn’t you bring enough money for gas in the first place?”). The bit about being a victim of prejudice though, was a nice touch.
But be proud of what you did. Like I said, the person probably needed the money nonetheless, so you helped someone out, and that’s a good thing.

20

I really hate being the devil’s advocate here, but having a good heart is a liability if it isn’t matched by good common sense. Winnowill was cheated and lied to–that’s no great shame, but neither is it a reason to be proud.

If the posters here think giving your money to a con artist equates to virtue, hell, give me your Social Security and credit card numbers, and I’ll make you all bodhisattvas!

Do you congratulate people who get scammed out of thousands of dollars by con men using the Nigerian scam or the pigeon drop? Are you proud of your grandparents when they get their life savings hoovered by some hustler working a postal con?

Yes, it’s good to be kind and charitable, but if you don’t exercise some caution and good sense, you guys will all be easy marks when you hit old age. Don’t cooperate with being cheated.