Ready for a little horror story, kids? Here it comes.
I have a few stepsisters. I’m fairly close to them and consider them my kin. Their father passed away the other day… sort of.
See, he had a massive heart attack and hit the dirt outdoors in the middle of the day. He’s a big guy, and nobody at the scene really had the muscle to perform adequate CPR. As a result, he was more-or-less brain dead by the time he got to the hospital and has since been kept nominally alive by virtue of life support. It was decided by virtually all involved parties that he be kept in such a state so that the various family members would have time to assemble, pay their respects, and witness his death. This isn’t on my dance card. I paid my respects today by going fishing.
Perhaps you should know a little bit about the guy. He was big. Aggressive. Obnoxious. Abusive. He got power of attouney over the kids college funds–nearly half a million–and spent it all before the first got out of high school. He cheated on his wives. He hit his children up for money for a dozen failed schemes which profited him alone, temporarily. He was a first-class wanker in a world full of wankers, to the very day of his death, when I’m told he had his lawyer file for yet another extension in one of his multiple child-support cases, now ten years into the adulthood of his youngest child.
It was said youngest who made the decision to keep the guy ticking until all involved got to the scene, whereupon he would be shut down. In the meantime, he has been foaming at the mouth, having seizures, reflexively loosing various bodily functions, and generally making making a mess of things, something he has, IMHO, excelled at his entire miserable life. And secretly, I say, “good effing riddance.”
Whadda y’all think, am I an asshole for feeling this way? Trust me, I won’t change my mind, but I’m interested to see how truly cynical and bitter you think I’ve become. Don’t hold back, folks. I’m interested in your opinions.
Yeah, I’m sure the guy had some good qualities, too. It’s just that I never, ever, saw a single one of them in twenty years of largely second-hand dealings with the fellow. He refused to shake hands with my father at my step-sister’s wedding, among other monumentally obnoxious things.
Funerals and such aren’t for the dead they’re for the survivors. If you’re close to your stepsisters and they cared for this guy, you’d be particularly classy to play along with things. It’ll all be over quick enough.
“The living”, of course, involves yourself. So what’s needed is some weighing of benefits–is it of greater benefit for you not to assemble, whatnot, because of justified dislike of an unpleasant human being, or for you to let go of that and go for your siblings’ sake? No one else can answer that question for you, really.
He’s dying (or dead already). Happens to everyone. The timing and manner of his death don’t erase the life he lived. Doesn’t sound to me like you’re rejoicing over his death, just refusing to ignore the way he chose to live his life.
You aren’t gloating or “paying back” so IMHO you’re well on safe ground. Let him go and the evil he did leave with him. Sounds like he did enough damage during his life.
I’m not invited to the funereal part of it, anyway. I am, however, interested in dancing lessons, so I can someday pay effective homage to the bastard above his grave.
Forget the dancing lessons. Buy lots of beer and drink it at the appropriate time. Get someone to drive you to the cemetary and piss all over his grave.
Emotions, whatever they are, are neither good nor bad. It is your actions that indicate what kind of person you are. There is nothing wrong with feeling good about this jerk dying. You’re not an asshole. Do what is right for you and your sisters.
Regardless of the motivations of his daughters in wanting to be there when the plug was pulled, it still seems a bit excessive (and a little ghoulish) to me.
I haven’t walked a mile in their shoes, so I won’t ask whether they were taking things too far. But I have absolutely no problem with simply wanting to be elsewhere when the guy officially died.
Going fishing sounds like as good a way to be elsewhere as I can think of, and I’ll bet yesterday was a mighty fine day for it. Hope you had some worthwhile moments of reflection in between nibbles.
You are NOT an asshole. It’s personal preference if you want to go.The only argument I could see to go is to,perhaps,lend some support to your step sisters.Are they very upset? Can they use the support? Be there for them,not for that waste of prodigious flesh.
Oh, I should have explained that a little better. Not only am I not obligated to attend, it was felt, (for various good reasons, like the fact that I’m an $1800 plane ticket away) that I probably shouldn’t attend. There will be no hard feelings over that. Also not in attendance are two ex-wives and a child by another marriage who is out of the country and aparrently in no hurry to return for this event. I have, however, been in close touch with my family, particularly the youngest one.
As further clarification, the fellow wasn’t being kept alive exclusively for the purpose of allowing friends (if he had any) and family members to assemble. The neurologist gave him a snowball’s chance in Hell of partially recovering, a chance which my sister elected to give him. The, um, convenience was a factor in the decision, though.
I have taken some time to reflect upon this man and my feelings toward him, and I have come to the following conclusions:
I don’t feel particularly good about this sort of thing happening to anyone, including this feller.
Nevertheless, it happens to everyone sooner or later. And if it has to happen in this somewhat unsettling way, well, I’d be hard pressed to name any other candidates with whom I am personally acquainted.
The slight shimmer of glee that I am guiltily experiencing is more than counterbalanced by the remorse I feel for my family members who are experiencing a lot of pain. I am doing what I can to help them, although there just isn’t much at all I can do.
The departure of this man has the potential to fill in some rather serious rifts in my family continuum. I was not kidding when I described him as I described him. Others shared my opinion, while some did not. Therefore, though he had a minimal physical presence in most of our lives, he was still an extremely disruptive force. His passage is almost guaranteed to smooth things out among family members. Because I am emotionally disconnected from this person, I don’t feel particularly bad about looking at things pragmatically.
Thus, it is with a glimmer in my eye and a sharp-toothed grin that I toast the memory of this man. Happy trails, pal. I won’t forget you, but you can be damned sure that I’ll try.