Am I an Ogre?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This post is dedicated to ultress who said she couldn’t wait to see what came from my finger tips next…watch out what you ask for hon, you might just get it.
I literally hate other people’s little kids when they come to my house to visit. I’m a teacher and I love my students but it helps that we have rules in school that we all follow. For example:

Keep your hands and feet and other objects to yourself.

That’s just one rule that helps keep the chaos down in public school buildings.

But other people’s kids at my house?? That’s another subject altogether.

They are soooo cute at first when they arrive with their parents. Shy and big eyed, peeking around their mother’s skirt. And very quiet too, within the first say…oh 15 minutes. But I am never fooled, this is a ruse, a way of buying time for their planning and scheming. This is the time when the little bastards are taking a few minutes to get aquainted with their surroundings…

The first target is usually my little dog, cause she is the first to unwitingly attract their attention. The little snots can’t wait to get their grubby hands on her long white coat and yank as much hair out as possible.

(My dog usually just lies down, takes the abuse and exposes her underbelly and genitalia in a confused submissive postition).

The mom, always the disciplinarian ( at first) generally starts out in a strong voice. “Jackie joe kay!!! You leave that dog alone!” But that respite from terrorism is only temporary for the poor dog, because the brat is positive that the animal is a live stuffed toy, put there for their sole amusement.

Only minutes go by before the little shit realizes that there is more than one room in this house and that there are many, many doors to be slammed, cat tails to be pulled and cabinets to be investigated.

Before you know it there is the sound of water running in the bathroom sinks and lights flash on and off in other rooms like a strobe light in the late psychedelic 60’s. And by now, mom’s resolve has turned to shit…she either is not aware that her 7 year old is * inside * my bathroom cabinet doors or is too busy talking to give a good rat’s ass.

At this point I usually do a quick patrol through the house because I know what is going on. My biggest fear is that the little person has surely by now, gotten into my dresser drawer and found the dildo vibrator. The one that has been in there since 1984. The one we ordered through a sex magazine when the wife and I were young and brimming with lust.

I do a search and find and when I locate it, I just look at the child without smiling ( don’t ever smile cause then you are fucked) and say, “You better go where your mother is…” ( and I am thinking to myself…yeah you better hurry too, before I beat your little legs raw with that coat hanger.) The fact that I am standing over them frowning and glowering usually causes a retreat into the den where mom is babbling to my wife like sideshow barker on acid.

I figure I gotta break this up before I go insane and do something with a kitchen utensil, so I stroll into the den ( smiling this time) and announce, "Honey we need to go pick up that…(insert any object here). To which at this point my wife recognizes the secret signal and replies with a confused look on her face,
“Ok, but can’t you see I have company?” This breaks the spell and causes the inattentive mom to stand up and utter those magic words…“Welllllll I guess we’d better go,(shouting) QUIT JUMPIN ON THAT BED AND GET OUT TO THE CAR JACKIE JOE… I AM TELLIN YOU FOR THE LAST TIME!”

To which I mutter as we are ushering them out the door …“what a sweetie that child is…”

One of the few to be personally welcomed to this board by Ed Zotti.

Yours truly,
aha

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You’re a nut case.

3

I wouldn’t dislike the children in that scenario as much as I would the rude parent who doesn’t bother to enforce any manners or discipline on their child while in someone else’s home. Kids will be kids (they all have a natural curiosity), but parents are supposed to be responsible and know better. It’s up to them to teach their kids proper etiquette when visiting friends and neighbors.

Oh, and the solution I’ve found is to keep a varied supply of kid type things around to keep them occupied (and I don’t even have kids of my own). Coloring books or a pad of blank artist’s paper and crayons are inexpensive and great child distractors. Put the kid at the kitchen table and ask them to draw a picture for you. Works like a charm. :smiley:

“Shayna… [one of] the most despised posters on this board.” As declared by WallyM7, on whose list I am most honored to be, no matter what it was a list of!

“Mom, he’s a neo Nazi! He’s a doctor also? Well…” - an original WallyM7 sig.

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank

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I’m with you, aha, except that it’s not truly a problem with the kids, but with parents who can’t seem to teach their children to behave properly. These are the same people who take their little darlings to a restaurant or on a plane and expect everyone else in the place to babysit them.

Children **can ** be taught to respect other people and to act like little human beings. But that takes parents who aren’t afraid to act like parents.

5

Aha.

Maybe you need to be more assertive with the parents ,don’t be nasty with it ,just lay out some ground rules.Maybe they don’t realise how it feels for you.They ought to know better.

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Disclaimer:

No children were harmed during, before or after the writing of the original post. :slight_smile:

One of the few to be personally welcomed to this board by Ed Zotti.

Yours truly,
aha

7

Thank you my dear for dedicating this thread to me. You have most certainly missed your calling. You would do good with a small newspaper column, doing a column much like the thread you have just written. Only for the simple reason that it is what most of us really think but are afraid to admit to others.

** Sigh. So many men, so few who can afford me ** Original by Wally

I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

8

I’m not afraid to admit it, either. I just don’t really like children very much. I don’t plan to have any of my own, and I’m glad my nephews live 1/2 a country away. No animosity, I just don’t have the patience.

But I agree that it’s parents who don’t seem to understand the concept of discipline for whom I save my ire. Good boundaries and rules are good for kids, and dogs, too.

Cogita tute