I’m a mean lady. I will scold stranger’s children in a heartbeat.
The other day my husband and I were at a Taco Cabana. We sat down to wait for our order. In came about six or seven children, ranging in age from a baby in a carrier, to about 14. At first I thought the teenager was the mother of the baby, as she was carrying the baby.
One of the boys (about 5 yrs) decided to sit on the other side of the tables, and went in between our table and his. By pushing on the wobbly tables with his hands and “swinging” between them. I let that go, but I did give him “the eye.” Then an older boy, maybe 8 or 9, tilted his table over and started rocking it, making a lot of noise. I said “Stop that!!!” It worked! A few minutes later, mom comes back from ordering, and the first little boy ratted me out! I told her what the older boy did, and she half-heartedly said to him, “Don’t rock the table.” Then they moved.
Yesterday we went to Fuddrucker’s for lunch. There were kids all over. Running! I ignored them until I almost got run into while fetching my food. These two little urchins ran right in front of me with a full tray in my hands. I said loudly, “No running!!” It worked for about 3 steps.
If the parent won’t be responsible, I’ll damn sure take over, especially when I think it’s dangerous behavior.
Do you say anything? Or do you just seethe silently?
What is really annoying is nosy people who try to prevent me from correcting my daughter. I’m not beating her. I tell her that she mustn’t when she grabs for things she should not. I have been doing this since she was old enough to start grabbing at things. It works. She is generally well behaved in public. But more than once I have been told that she is a baby, she doesn’t know better, and I should not correct her.
I tend to correst other kids, teens too. I used to work at a boy’s home and it comes naturally to me.
My kids tend to be pretty good out in public, but if a stranger had to correst them, I would thank them and the kids would get it from me too.
I would say that telling them “no running” is a little questionable. If it’s a restaurant rule, then fine. Otherwise this is your rule, not the parents’, and a simple “Watch where your going” being a universal societal rule will be more effective, since it will be more universally applied.
If you tell them one thing, and their parents don’t back you up, it’s wasted breathe.
The closest I’ve gotten is grabbing the occasional runaway toddler – they are fast on those little legs of theirs. The parents are usually happy about it. If I had a toddler, they’d be on some sort of a leash in public. My brother was, and it was great – assuming a not-crowded store, he could run a bit without running away, but he couldn’t go very far, so it was easy enough for me to keep an eye on him. (I’m eight years older, so I did a lot of baby care when he came along. It was fun.)
[lb]lee**, how do those people think your daughter is going to learn not to reach for things she shouldn’t touch unless she’s told not to?
[QUOTE=MrFantsyPants]
I would say that telling them “no running” is a little questionable. If it’s a restaurant rule, then fine. Otherwise this is your rule, not the parents’-QUOTE]
And? The kids live in the real world, not just their parents’ universe - they can deal with instruction from people other than their parents. Besides, not running inside IS a universally accepted social rule, and anyone breaking it, child or adult, should be scolded for it by the nearest person.
Not to be too dramatic about it, but I think this is one of the things that has “gone wrong” with modern society – people are afraid to correct others’ kids, and the kids and everybody else are a whole lot worse off for it.
I think you were right to correct those kids. Delores , it could well be the only discipline they get.
I would correct other people’s children if they were totally disruptive and/or dangerous in a public place and spoiling my and others’ enjoyment of the place, such a s restaurant or theatre. If they were very young and being allowed to run wild I would correct their parents.
that submit button spoke out of turn and must be corrected
As I was saying, OTOH, I would give parents who were actively trying to discipline and teach their kids how to behave in public and having a tough time of it a whoooole lot of leeway. I’d try to let them know that I had “been there, done that” and put up with a lot of disruption in this case. Allowing them to run helter-skelter inside a restaurant does not fit in this category.
I was working in a gift shop, and a woman came in with a boy about age 6. He found some shiny trinket he just had to have, and started wheedling his grandma to buy it for him. She said no, and he started to whine. She ignored him (good for her, not giving in!) but as his volume rose, I supposed I would have to say something to maintain the peace in the shop. So I sidled up to the boy, who was standing about 20 feet away from his gran, and leaned down to him. In a little whisper only he could hear, I said:
“If I was your Grandma, I wouldn’t buy you anything.”
Shut him right up. Gave him something to think about, too, I’ll bet.
The only time that I really do this is at my daughters elementary school. I walk here every morning. Sometimes I catch the kids fighting, whipping pinecones at each other, etc. In cases like that I have no problem correcting them. In a store or restaurant, not so much. But I don’t have a problem with others doing it.
Actually, in a situation like in a restaurant, I’d take the problem to the manager; or, judging on if it looks like it might help, to the child’s parent. I’m not saying the OP is wrong in how she handles it, just that I would do it a little differently.
Now, if the kids are on my property (which kids often are, as we don’t have a fence), I will jump in their shit in no time. This is because most of the parents in my neighborhood could give a rat’s ass about what their little honeys are doing, as long as they’re not in momma’s way about it! The kids learned early on that if they don’t move their ass off my property when they’re told to, I will call the cops. In fact, about three years ago, I had this conversation with an almost teenage boy in my neighborhood who had taken a basketball off my front porch:
Me: Excuse me, you need to put that back.
Him: I’ll put it back when I’m done.
Me: No, you’ll put it back now.
Him: I’m not hurtin’ it. It’s not like I stole it or somethin’.
Me: Yes, it’s exactly like you stole it, because when you take something without asking and without permission, that’s what stealing is.
He put it back, grumbling the whole time about what a bitch I am.
I would correct a child if their rudeness was impinging on me in some way and they were by themselves. I admit that I would be too scared to say something if a parent was with them. I guess it’s because I expect a parent to handle their own bad-behaving children. And if it’s clear that the parent sees the bad behavior but isn’t doing anything, then they are probably a jerk and would probably have a problem with people correcting their kids.
I would also be scared because it seems like so many people have parenting styles that differ from how I was raised. I was raised by parents who leaned more towards the children-should-be-seen-not-heard philosophy, but not all parents buy into this. Children singing “I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy” at the top of their lungs on the train may be annoying to the other fifty passengers in the car, but if their parents believe in free-spirited children, then you saying something’s not really going to do anything. In fact, you may end up starting a fight.*
Also, it seems like nowadays bad-behaving kids aren’t simply brats anymore. What may seem like run-of-the-mill bratty behavior may actually be symptomatic of some kind of subtle disease or condition. If I tell Jimmy to stop screaming his head off like a banshee in the grocery aisle, how do I know that his mother isn’t going to turn around and tell me that he’s got some kind of syndrome and he doesn’t know any better? It will be me who ends up feeling bad. And probably also the mother, for not being able to control her child’s behavior in public.
This happened once when I took an NJ Transit train from one night. There were a group of kids at the end of the train car who kept singing and laughing really loud (I’m tolerant of that kind of noise usually, but even I have to admit it was annoying). A guy flagged down the conductor and asked him to tell the kids to tone it down. The conductor obliged, and the mother got all upset and demanded to know who had a problem. She came to the defense of her flock, citing the fact that they were happy and excited. The guy who had spoken up started yelling at how she wasn’t setting a good example, and how she was teaching her kids that it’s alright to be thoughtless of others. Of course, she started yelling back at him. I was rooting for him, but I also felt bad for the kids. All their bonehead mother had to do was tell them to not laugh so loud but she had to turn it into a whole big thing. And now I bet that guy and every other person sitting in that train will be relunctant to complain about loud kids in the future.
I correct kids at school – there’s at least one mother who is not speaking to me because of it.
In public, not so much. In a restaurant I’d be more inclined to move than reprimand someone else’s kids. My kids are both on the autistic spectrum and have been known to be obstreperous in public but I do get annoyed when other people try and intervene as I am always working with them. I don’t accept unacceptable behaviour simply because they are diagnosed. It doesn’t mean they can’t behave – it simply means it can be a bit harder for them to make the right choice.
I tend to leave other people’s kids be. However, I do talk to the toddler-aged kids who still believe me when I say “crying is not allowed in this store” I also trap renegade toddlers before they completely break away from their parents. Once they hit 8 or 9, I tend to ignore/avoid their behavior. I always say that I am not going to, but once presented with the situation I revert to my non-confrontational ways.
My mom has no fear about correcting other people’s kids, although I have never seen her do it in public… Hmm Everytime I’ve seen her ‘in action’ it has been with a friend’s kids who are not provided with any boundaries of appropriate behavior and she sets them IMMEDIATELY.
You’re doing what you should as a parent, IMHO. I wish more would draw the line on improper behavior. If others don’t like it, they’re entitled to not like it. The day someone tells me how to parent my daughter is the day I serve them a hot cup of STFU.
I’m not afraid to discipline random children (I’m not a parent myself), but the decision to say anything is always made on a case-by-case basis. If the parents are present I usually keep my mouth shut; if it’s really bad I’ll say something to the parents, not the kid.
The last time I said anything was in the grocery store this summer: I was in an aisle that had greeting cards at one end and seasonal items at the other, and this boy (maybe 8 years old, but I’m really bad at guessing kids’ ages) had been playing with one of those large rubber balls when his mom got ahead of him by an aisle or two. I was looking at the greeting cards, and when the boy decided to catch up with mom he just tossed the ball down the aisle. That thoughtless, lazy, and potentially dangerous action really irked me, so as he ran past me I caught his arm and said, “Go pick that up and put it where it belongs!” And he did. :eek:
I realized later that I was very lucky: reprimanding someone’s kid is one thing, but I could have gotten into a lot of trouble for touching him.
This reminded me of a grocery store incident. Couple of youngsters in the “health and beauty aisle” opening up containers of shampoo and conditioner, presumably to see what they smelled like, I guess. There was no parent in sight. I told them, “Put that back. That doesn’t belong to you.” Astonished look in return, but they scurried off, presumably to tell mom about it.
I told her what the older boy did, and she half-heartedly said to him, “Don’t rock the table.” Then they moved.
I also trap renegade toddlers before they completely break away from their parents. Once they hit 8 or 9, I tend to ignore/avoid their behavior. I always say that I am not going to, but once presented with the situation I revert to my non-confrontational ways.