You may both have agreed on the house, but she is 100% in charge of the vagina.
Exactamundo. There are a lot of "I"s in his posts. You picture him standing alone, and his wife over there, with the kids.
How you feel about modular homes is fine, that’s how you feel. But the way you are communicating with your wife about this may need some looking at.
Total hijack, but you can build a safe room into your new house. FEMA has some good guidance on how to go about it.
To the OP: I don’t necessarily think you are being a jerk, 'cos I know people can snap at each other without it being the end of the world.
I think there is some reason why Mrs. Roger is dwelling on this issue. We all think weird things or get lost in illogical loops after traumatic events. Well, I do anyway!
If you’ve presented your case as clearly and calmly as you can, it’s no wonder you lose your temper when the other person keeps asking about it.
It’s possible that modular homes would not be permitted in your neighborhood, either due to zoning or covenants. That one is an easy way out. “They’re not allowed in our neighborhood”.
The other clear reason is your safety issue. I think that some modulars can be as strong as conventionally built houses, but they are not going to be in the $60 k range by the time you get one with the stronger roof ties and have it bolted to the foundation.
I liked the suggestion upthread to explain that her safety is paramount to you, and you won’t settle for anything less. Also see if you can include a safe room in the design.
Hey, thanks for playing. I’m a jerk. Fine. A stubborn jerk. Great. because I’m, not willing to get a house worth less than half of the one I originally had. Yep. I’m a real asshole, wanting my house revuilt and all and you know, not wanting to spend time on an idea I don’t like when I seriously don’t have the time to waste. uh huh.
Hey, I’m also a stupid jerk! I should have built a shelter! In a place where tornadoes are rare! I had no idea that one sentence I told her would make such an asshole. I must be making a huge mistake, wanting, you know, my house rebuilt in brick by a reputable contractor instead of trying to get a prefab house where I can save an assload of money. You knowm, its probably my fault I got hit head on by a tornado for being a jerk. What was I thinking?
Apparently you were thinking that you posted this somewhere other than here! 
You sound really, really angry.
You might want to get that looked at.
I sincerely hope that things get better for you and your family.
I already knew that you think you are right and are unwilling to entertain the possibility that you are wrong. There was no need to confirm it.
By the way it’s “our” house. As in you and your wife’s. Not just yours.
You need to read up on modular homes. These are NOT “mobile homes”, “trailers”, or “doublewides”
Wikipedia has an article on Modular Building
I don’t think you’re a jerk.
I think you’re afraid, and you have every right to be. But yeah, you probably come off as a jerk at the time.
I don’t think you’re being a dick for standing your ground on something you feel so strongly about. We all have to take those stands sometimes. It’s just I think the way you’re presenting it, especially since some people don’t realize the sheer terror of having your roof being ripped right off above you. Neither of you is thinking as clearly as you would otherwise.
It might help if you went with her to the home store to point out the poor quality.
You’re both stressed out. She would probably normally think her idea is stupid too but now she can’t see it. Her subconscious might see this as getting things back to normal as fast as possible. It won’t help to get pissed. Even if you have to pretend to think about it just do it so you can move on.
It would be easier if your zoning doesn’t allow modulars. Call the county tomorrow and find out.
Lets be clear on one thing. For everyone calling me a jerk, I actually kind of appreciate that. Because I personally don’t like it when jerkish behaviour is ignored. I don’t think I’m being jerk, at least not a big as jerk as I’m being painted to be, but I’m a big boy. I can take it. I’m only slightly offended by being painted as some kind of totalitarian monster in this. But I did expect it, being the nature of the internet. I’m not…but i’ve never had a house and everything in it be completely destroyed before. It has significantly lowered my threshold of patience.* I know its affected her too*. I know because I had to be there and hold her while she cried and not cry myself. I had to go into the rubble and get the few surviving items she wanted…and I’m still looking for her lost cat. So yeah, I’m a bit testy, and I don’t take it out on her…or anyone really. sorry to say “I” so much. I guess I should ask her to type in her response. (Because I think its a cheap shot to point that out when I’m the one obviously typing this.)
We’ve been married for a long time. We’ve both put our foots (feet?) down on stuff plenty of times. This is one of the rare occassions that I’m doing it. Despite what it sounds like in my posts, I don’t make all of the decisions. I don’t tell her what to do. (as if I could). She isn’t some weak little waif that obeys my every command.* Its usually the other way around.* But I do not want a modular home. And lets be honest, since I’m paying for it, I will exercise my right to say “no” to the idea. For the last time, I admit I could have worded it better, but I’m not willing to do this. Will I change my mind? If circumstances require it, but I doubt it. Because at some point, no matter how I a may bow to her wishes, this is one time I’m not willing to do it, and since I pay for everything I really want her to for maybe once respect my decision on it. She can decide the layout plans on the house. She can pick the furniture. She can have whatever else she wants in the rebuilt house. She knows this. Hell, we’ve drawn up plans according to her wishes. But I don’t want a modular home.
If that makes me a stubborn asshole/ jerk, wll, so be it. I’m certainly not the worst person in the world, so I can live with it.
Again, it’s not the fact that you don’t want a modular home. We get that.
What’s all this with it being your money and you’re the one paying for it? Isn’t it hers, too?
good. Then we’re clear. BTW, I’ll exercise my right to say its “MY” house since I’m paying for it. I don’t actually consider it “MY” house, as you would think, but really, I don’t need you to tell me whose house it is. Unless you wanna donate some mortgage money. 'Cuz I still gotta pay that. Now, I’m not all butt hurt about it, but considering that I pay for it…not “we”…I…and I alone pay for it, (yet I had her name put on the deed so if anything happens to me…which is a seriously likely thing, army and all… she has a place to live) I’m deciding that we ain’t getting a modular house. Color me the bad guy. I want my house rebuilt.
You will, no doubt come back to tell me what a fantastic brute I am for even saying that. Ask yourself this:
Is it because you think I’m an ass from how I feel about this or because you just want to play internet oneupmanship?
Do you really really really belive that i treat my wife like some kind of slave? Because I don’t. You can scan my post history for any hints if you want.
I’m always curious why people post things asking “hey am I wrong/a jerk/out of line” type threads on internet message boards and then angrily argue with the people who say yes.
Why’d you ask, dude?
Of course its hers. But I do not want a modular house. I really don’t. I really really really don’t.
I don’t so much I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t so much that the idea is really making me upset.
When the idea first came up I told her this. I told her how much I disliked idea. I told her in a non-asshole way that I really didn’t want to talk about it because *I hated the idea. Now I’m an asshole because when she brings it up again I decided to REALLY tell her that I wasn’t going to consider it.
You know when this first happened to us, I was really upset. I mean, mad at God upset. Because I really don’t think its fair at all. I told the chaplain that for some reason God hates me and I can’t have anything that I want no matter what I do. I mean, I had a house, right? I worked my ass off to get it. All I wanted was my house, my family and my cats and little bit of peace. Well, I lost the house and one cat. Maybe I was right. Because from this thread I’m a dick for not wanting a modular home. So yeah, fuck me, for trying to get the best house I can again. Fuck everything. I don’t even know why I try anyomore.
Yeah, I shouldn’t have thought about maybe letting off some steam. I’ll keep it to myself in the future.
I do sympathize deeply, and I’m not trying to antagonize you or make you feel bad. You might have some kind of post-traumatic stress going on there. But, again, nobody is saying that you’re an ass for not wanting a modular home. That is not the case. What people are saying is that you’re not looking like you’re very respectful to your wife right now.
This is not internet oneupmanship. I truly think you are an ass because you think because it is your money and your house, and not our house. I make the money, I made a decision, so my wife can go fuck herself is a shit attitude.
It’s a shit attitude compounded by the fact that your wife has presented a valid option and you didn’t do shit to investigate it before dismissing it out of hand. Your whole demeanor in this thread is “My idea is awesome” and “My wife’s idea is stupid as shit”. Which is ridiculous. At best your idea of spending a lot more money to get a brick house is a personal preference. At “what it probably is” your idea is a stupid waste of money. There is no rational reason to believe that you can’t achieve the same level of safety as a brick house with a prefab house and a shelter.
Ok. You think I’m a shit bird. You know what? I’m willing to live with that. Really. Because when all is said and dine, win or lose, good or bad, its my decision. I think you’re a judgmental ass for labelling me as such, but that isn’t even important.
…and I’ll tell you why…I’ve been kicked so many times by fate I really don’t care anymore. You may be right. I deserve all of the horrible things that have happened to me. I lost everything in that tornado and its hilarious, because all I wanted was to have my small family (wife and cats) and my house and a little bit of happiness. Thats all. I quit. Obviously I can’t have that.
I quit. Really. If I’m such a bad person, why bother arguing over this anymore. You don’t know me, so it must be easy to tell me what a bad person I am. You must be happy now. Because you know, I go into the bathroom and cry every night, alone. Its all gone. Everything I worked for for fucking 20 years, its gone. You win . I’M A JERK . GOODBYE.
You can build a nice brick house for $176K? All brick? Not just brick veneer?