I’m in the process of buying a house. I’ve discovered that whole lot of people insist on foisting their house-buying perferences onto me. I’m not talking about merely sharing their opinions, mind you. Rather, I’m talking about people foisting their viewpoints and getting upset if I don’t follow their advice.
Have any of you folks had that experience as well? Here are a few examples of what I mean.
After looking at the summary sheet for the house I’ve been looking at, one co-worker said, “That house was built in 1940! You shouldn’t buy it. Old houses have so many problems. Why, our house has termites, and yours will probably have them too.”
Another said, “You should get a house on a road with less traffic. That road has too many cars on it during rush hour.”
Yet another said, “You should try a different city. Why <fill-in-the-blank> is rather nice.”
Like I said, I don’t mind that people voice their opinions. What irritates me, however, is that they often voice them dogmatically – as though their viewpoints were the final word. On multiple occasions, I’ve had to tell people, “Okay, okay. I’ve heard you. I appreciate your input, but I’ve already looked at other houses on the market. What you’re asking for would cost too much money, and I’m not willing to spend that much.”
On one occasion, I even told someone, “Do you have any idea how much a 20-year-old house of the same size would cost in this neighborhood? You simply cannot find one for under $225,000. I’m not made of money, and I’m not willing to get into unnecessary debt.”
Now, the house I’m looking at has some problems. Some of the plumbing needs to be fixed, for example, and there are some minor electrical problems. Also, the foundation underneath one room needs to be examined. Despite the repair costs though, I’m willing to buy it; after all, the other comparable houses in the neighborhood would cost a great deal more.
One woman has been voicing her disapproval for several days now, though. Just today, our conversation went something like this:
She: “You should find something else. I’m afraid that you’ll regret this.”
Me: “Yes, I understand that. I’ve heard you. I understand your concern, and you could be right. No matter what I do though, it will involve some risk.”
She: “I just don’t want you to make a decision that you’ll regret.”
Me: “Yes, yes. You’ve been saying that for a while now. I’ve examined all the factors, though. I’ve done computerized searches. I’ve consulted a realtor. I’ve looked at the housing market. I’ve examined the nature of the repairs needed. I’ve considered the homeowner’s warranty. I’ve considered the rising interest rates. I’ve considered which repairs will need professional help, and which ones I could do myself. I know this isn’t an ideal choice, but after examining all those factors, I think it’s a reasonable choice to make.”
She: “But you might regret it!”
Me (starting to raise my voice): “Yes, yes, yes. I get it. Thank you. Yes, I might regret it. I acknowledge that. You’ve made your concern perfectly well known, and I share your concerns. Thank you.”
She: “Why are you getting so upset? I’m just being concerned.”
Me: “Yes, I understand that you’re concerned. I’ve heard you. If you can suggest a better house, then I’d be open to hearing about it… but until then, I have to make my decision.”
She: “You’re acting so irritated. If you don’t want me to be concerned…”
Me: “I never said that. It’s wonderful that you’re concerned. You’ve made your point perfectly clear, and I don’t deny that there’s cause for concern. That’s not what’s irritating me, though. I’ve heard you. I’ve heard you many times now, and you could be perfectly right. I never denied that. Thank you.”
She: “Like I said, I’m just being concerned. If you don’t want me to be concerned, I won’t be.”
Me: “See, this tells me that you don’t understand what I’m saying. I don’t have a problem with your being concerned. I’ve told you that. I’ve heard you many times now. Thanks for your concern. I’ve heard you, and I’ve struggled with this decision myself. Thank you.”
Yeah, I’m kinda worked up about this right now. So, did any of you have the same kind of experience when you were buying your homes?