I have a love-hate relationship with my house. It’s a beautiful house, but it’s also a pain in the butt and I haven’t been able to put the money into it that I’d like to.
I’ve owned it for twelve years and my mother and one of my sisters hints around that they each want to buy my house. They tell me what they would do if they bought it. (Both of them have been involved in “flipping” houses before.) They go to my other sister and ask her questions about details about my property, like they are making plans for when I sell it to them.
My house is not for sale. Honestly, even if I wanted to sell it, I wouldn’t want to sell it to either of them. And that’s where I know that I’m being irrational and pissy and I have no explanation why I resent it so, but I do.
Yes, it would. They’re making assumptions that if they could take the house off your apparently incapable hands, they could turn it into a showpiece.
Next time they bring it up, ask them why they’re asking. (A la Miss Manners.) Tell them you’re not selling the house, so any speculations of improving the house are just that, speculation, and therefore a waste of time.
Then, change the subject. I think they’re a teensy bit jealous that you have a “beautiful” house.
I should have said in the OP that both of them have a frillion times more money than I do, so they definitely could do things with the house that I can’t afford to do.
Knowing that, tell em; “OK, you can buy it, but at $75k over market value, cash on the barrel” Make sure they know that’s the ONLY way you’d ever sell it before you were ready. Either they’ll lose interest eventually and sut up about it, or you’ll sell your house and make an extra $75k. Pretty much win-win.
If they press it, just stick to your guns. No, it wouldn’t bother me, but I’m kind of a contrarian anyway.
Then I think they show a lack of class. They’re talking about your property and how they could make it “better.” The things you haven’t been able to do to it…are they structural or cosmetic? Are we talking about repainting the living room, or adding on a sunroom?
I agree with buttonjockey…make them put their money where their mouths are. Otherwise, they should spend their time talking about how they can improve their own houses and keep their mitts off yours.
Yes, that would drive me 'round the bend. It’s rude, it’s pushy, and it’s an underhanded way of talking about money (yours vs. theirs).
We have a modest vacation home that I love. It’s small, but it’s perfect (perfect in my eyes, that is, it needs a new roof). I am routinely amazed how often people ask me when I’m going to sell it. Why would I sell something I am obviously using and enjoying? It would be different if there was a context, like if I mentioned I planned to retire to the south of France, we might naturally start talking about buying and selling homes. But it’s point blank … “Oh, what a nice house. So, when are you going to sell it?”
Yep, it would totally annoy me. I can’t even put my finger on why it would, but it would. When I first got my house, my family was full of suggestions on what they would do, but that was the first flush of excitement at seeing my cool house. I know for a fact that only one member of my family would ever seriously consider living in my house (because it’s 80 years old, and the rest of the family mostly prefer new construction), so for me it’s not really an issue.
After telling them (again) it isn’t for sale, tell them you’d be more than happy to allow them to pay for the upgrades, so they can admire the finished product.
Actually, a more effective plan would be to get them to discuss all those plans in detail, asking for suggestions on how to implement them. Move that wall? Sounds nice. What would I have to do with the flooring and molding? Take notes on their replies. Eventually, they will think you are “stealing” their ideas, and stop talking about it.
Of course it’s offensive; they are implying you are lazy, incompetent, or lacking in taste for not making these obvious improvements. But they’re family. That’s what we do.
Do you say this to them? Do you complain about your house to them? Do you talk to them about what you’d do if you had the money or the time? If so, then maybe their “hinting” is just a natural response to that.
Well, if it were me I might pitch a fit at them in a way. As in directly saying “Thanks for making me feel like crap because I don’t have the money to fix up this house the way I’d like. But, it is still MY house, and I love it, I’m not giving it up, and I don’t like it when people make me feel bad because I don’t have as much money as I would like.” I might go on to ask them why the feel they must flaunt the fact that they could do more with the house due to having more money than I could. Ask them why they feel they must outdo you, why can’t they be glad that you have a house you love? Maybe they’ll stop after that?
Just out of curiosity, not that I’d really need one now, but if you were to sell one of your kidneys, how much do you think you’d want for it? Hypothetically speaking,of course.
That makes it even more inappropriate. Yeah, I’d be annoyed by them acting like that. Or else I’d just ignore them - make all the plans you want, I’ll sell it when I’m damned good and ready, and if you’ve annoyed me enough, you won’t know about the sale until it’s a done deal. pbbbbththtbbbtht.
It all depends on what her family is like. Sometimes they aren’t aware that is the impression they are giving, and when it is pointed out to them they will relent. Other times, they hadn’t realized that was the root of their behavior, and they don’t like it, so they will work to stop it. But, maybe telling them directly why it bothers her won’t benefit the OP. (Adding, and yeah I’d phrase it differently if I really were to confront them, but those are some of the things I’d touch on if I did so.)