Buying a house. Why do people insist on putting in their two dogmatic cents?

[glee]

@JThunder

Not addressing her concerns? I don’t see how. Remember the part where I said the following?

Me: “Yes, yes. You’ve been saying that for a while now. I’ve examined all the factors, though. I’ve done computerized searches. I’ve consulted a realtor. I’ve looked at the housing market. I’ve examined the nature of the repairs needed. I’ve considered the homeowner’s warranty. I’ve considered the rising interest rates. I’ve considered which repairs will need professional help, and which ones I could do myself. I know this isn’t an ideal choice, but after examining all those factors, I think it’s a reasonable choice to make.”

I acknowledged her concerns. I also pointed out that there are no other comparable houses on the market that are anywhere close to its price range. I also emphasized that I can perform certain repairs on my own, and that others can afford to wait. I likewise pointed out that some of these concerns would be covered under the homeowner’s warranty. I also pointed out that interest rates are starting to rise, and that if a new house were to be placed on the market, it would surely be priced high. I even emphasized that I had searched around neighboring cities as well.

I don’t see how anyone can claim that her concerns were not addressed. What should I do… provide her with a tally sheet and architectural diagrams?

Sorry, perhaps I didn’t express myself well. :o

You sound like a knowledgeable person. But the advice-giver had fixed ideas in their head and your explanation simply wasn’t getting through.
When I said ‘better response’, I meant something that would stop her. :eek:

[Bearflag70]

“Thank you for your opinions, which have been received and summarily dismissed.”

[ivylass]

You could always stop telling people you’re buying a house. If they don’t know your business, they can’t comment on it.

[OpalCat]

@JThunder

Not in those specific words. However, I did say (more than once), “Yes, yes, yes. I understand your concern. You’ve raised it several times now. I’ve heard you.” And in our most recent conversation, when she asked, “Why are you acting so irritated?” I said “It’s because you keep bringing these concerns up. I’ve heard you. I’ve heard you all along. I’ve even said that I acknowledge the concerns you raise, and I share them. Unless you can find me a better housing option though, I need to move on.”

That’s the point I kept trying to emphasize. Is there a more affordable house in the neighborhood? Then tell me which one it is or drop the subject.

You’re telling her what she’s doing. You’re not telling her to STOP DOING IT. I think that might be the key. She may not be making that connection.

[JThunder]

You’re probably right about that, Opal. It just seems to me that if you tell someone “I’ve heard you, I’ve listened to you, I’ve factored in all of your concerns, and I’ve decided to buy the house anyway for the following reasons…” then any reasonable person should drop the topic … ESPECIALLY if they can’t refute your arguments. Obviously though, some people require sterner measures.

In fact, I did tell this person, “If you think that I’m making a mistake, then can you please point me to a better house? If not, then I think I’m justified in making this decision.” That didn’t stop her, though.

Just a few days ago, she sent me three different house listings, in an attempt to get her way. One was a house that I already looked at; two were located three hours away(!!!). I even pointed this out, saying, “Look, you’ve looked at other houses yourself, in an attempt to change my mind. The only one you found within this neighborhood was a house that I already dismissed for a whole lot of reasons. If you can suggest a better house, then by all means do so. I know that you’ve already looked though, and that you couldn’t find any.”

[Hippy_Hollow]

We’re in the same position as the OP. In fact, we’re heading to Texas this week to house hunt. Luckily, though, we’ve only received the most general advice… probably because most of our friends are in grad schools and haven’t bought houses.

I’m amazed that people feel compelled to just bust out with advice. The OP doesn’t say how close these people are, but I’m the sort that will ask how things are going, maybe drop a suggestion or two down, and be on my merry way. Home buying, and what people are looking for in a home, are very individualized processes. Unless someone knows you intimately, how on earth will their advice be of particular use to you?

I think as others have said, some people had bad experiences and want to use your home buying process as a place to basically vent about how they got screwed over. But, as others have noted, JThunder, maybe these friends need to be told very directly that their input isn’t needed at this point.

[OpalCat]

@JThunder

You’re probably right about that, Opal. It just seems to me that if you tell someone “I’ve heard you, I’ve listened to you, I’ve factored in all of your concerns, and I’ve decided to buy the house anyway for the following reasons…” then any reasonable person should drop the topic … ESPECIALLY if they can’t refute your arguments. Obviously though, some people require sterner measures.

I’m emphasizing the key phrase in that bit.

In fact, I did tell this person, “If you think that I’m making a mistake, then can you please point me to a better house? If not, then I think I’m justified in making this decision.” That didn’t stop her, though.

I think this is a mistake, and here’s why: she isn’t a reasonable person. She’s proven herself unable to take a hint or get a clue. She is adamant about butting in. She will not see this as a request to get off her back, (with the caveat that if she has something useful to offer as an alternative, she can) she will see it as YOU BEGGING HER TO HELP FIND ANOTHER HOUSE.

[swampbear]

I like what Spoons had to say. If they’re folks who might actually know something useful to tell you, i.e. general contractor (make a general contractor your friend), or a lawyer, then listen. Everybody else, just ignore.

Ok, having said that, here’s a piece of advice. If you can get Warranty Insurance on the big stuff like HVAC, major appliance, furnace, hot water heater and such, it can be worth it. I had it on my first house which was an old house. The furnace, hot water heater and stove all conked during that first year (the insurance was like $300 for the first year). The deductible was $100 per covered thing. So for $600 bucks I got the furnace, hot water heater and stove all replaced. See, I knew they were all ooooooooolllllld when I bought the house so yeah it was a gamble but worth it.

Oh and JThunder you know of course you will be obligated to post pictures of the house when it’s yours, right?

ETA: That was over twenty years ago, so I’m sure the price of the insurance is much higher these days.

[Anne_Neville]

@JThunder

You’re probably right about that, Opal. It just seems to me that if you tell someone “I’ve heard you, I’ve listened to you, I’ve factored in all of your concerns, and I’ve decided to buy the house anyway for the following reasons…” then any reasonable person should drop the topic … ESPECIALLY if they can’t refute your arguments.

Don’t give her a reason. Just say you’ve decided to buy the house. Don’t give her any arguments to refute. Some people hate to lose an argument, so if you give them any arguments to try and refute, they will. Just accept that you’re not going to win this argument, either- you’re never going to convince her that you’re doing the right thing.

[tomndebb]

@JThunder

Like I said, I don’t mind that people voice their opinions. What irritates me, however, is that they often voice them dogmatically – as though their viewpoints were the final word.

You know an excessive number of Dopers and Doper wannabes?

[Nava]

I spent many, many years being told that renting was a waste of money.

Reciting my List Of Places Where I’ve Lived usually shut 'em up. ATM it comes up to: Pamplona (Spain), Smalltown1 (Spain), Barcelona (Spain), Smalltown1, Barcelona, South Miami (USA, do not mistake with Miami Playa which is a beach resort in Spain), North Miami (USA), Smalltown1, Philadelphia, Castellón (Spain), a 6-month stay in Costa Rica during which I officially lived in Smalltown1, Vitoria (Spain), Smalltown2 (Spain - I actually bought a flat there), Basel (Switzerland), Saint-Louis (the French side of Basel, France).

During the Smalltown1 stay before Philadelphia, I had one of those jobs that look like you could stay there forever; I put money into a “homebuyer’s account”; by the time I was in Smalltown2 (not far from 1), I had to use the money to buy a home or pay back taxes, which gave me the willies just thinking of the paperwork. I bought a flat that I absolutely could afford and which I liked but of course the “renting is a waste of money” people kept telling me I should get a rowhouse or a chalet or a duplex or an apartment on the beach or…

My answer: “whose house? Mine? OK, my house, my money, my taste.”

[Solfy]

The best defense I’ve found against “helpful” types is to convince them you’re totally insane. If they believe you’re unlikely to listen to reason, they’re less likely to try to change your mind (having already decided that you’re out of yours).

I’ve gotten a variety of responses from people when telling them about the house we’ve just bought. It was built in 1810 (well, parts of it). It needs extensive work. We plan to do the vast majority of the work ourselves. We will be living in the house while working on it, and I don’t expect to be near completion for about 20 years. This is so totally beyond what most of my coworkers are willing to take on that they just sort of boggle instead of offering advice. Their attitude is “better you than me!”

And if you think unsolicited advice is bad when you’re buying a house, don’t even think about reproducing. (although the insanity defense is handy here, too)