I agree- consider it a carpool. She sounds like she wouldn’t go for you paying the full cost of the gas ( because she wants to feel like your friend, not your taxi driver) - but I’m sure you can persuade her to let you pay half by framing it as a carpool and if you buy her the occasional coffee or lunch, you’ll feel better about paying for only part of the gas and doing none of the driving.
Dude…Freakin Aslan called. How he got my number is not entirely clear. Transcript follows:
*A: <unintelligible> Fool of a Took! <muttering>
O: I beg your pardon?
A: Let’s dispense with formalities, Oak. I need you to do something.
O: You know I…don’t play for your team.
A: That’s why it has to be you. My team currently has it’s head up it’s collective ass.
O: Yeah, the Nehimiah Scudder Wannabe dude. I get it. Bob was suppose to edit him out, dammit. Anyway, what up
Cat-Jebus?
A: Your buddy Skald is being a Muggle. You need to tell him to stop it, and let the lady help. It’s something she needs to sodo.
O: A’ight. But I ain’t giving back my key to his Secret Lair. Peace.
A: Fly on, Freebird. I owe ya one.*
So **Skald[/B, listen to the Big Cat. She needs to do this. Let her–but buy some cash and the occasional happy. So mote it be.
On the PC: yes. It is called JAWS, and it sucks rotten eggs.
On the iPad or iPhone: no. That is, the assistive technology called VoiceOver is built into all Apple mobile devices, so it is not really “special.” It only sucks regular eggs.
I’ll chime in and say you should just consider it a carpool. Pay your share of gas and so on, and give the arrangement a try.
Does your riding along with her enable her to use the carpool lanes?
Agreed on paying for her gas. And bring her a pie once a month.
Cool. Then I withdraw my concern about you buying her dinner as well as gas, I assume the dinner won’t cause gas.
I understand your concern. My father taught me to always do more favors for others than they do for you since a positive favor balance comes in handy some days. But some times you gotta accept them, especially when the cost to her is nil, and when she probably would love someone to talk to whiile commuting.
As a child, I was taught to always turn down offers of hospitality – people are only offering to be polite
As an adult, shoe on my foot, I found that I offered generosity because I really meant, and I felt disappointed if I was turned down.
I’d say, if you decline and then the offer is repeated more forcefully, it’s a sign that it is a genuine offer, and she would derive personal fulfillment from it.
I don’t bake nearly as much as I did pre-blindness. I can no longer do it efficiently or, in many cases, artistically. The most adventurous thing I made in 2019 was carrot cake.
I appreciate all the responses y’all have given. I’m not sure my position will change, as some of the suggestions given to prompt me to except the offer have brought up complications to my mind. for example, using the para transit service requires me to reserve a ride three days in advance. I would not want to get in the habit of repeatedly canceling those; it seems likely that that would eventually get me blackballed.
I agree with most here. Accept and repay.
But, what is a “work wife”?
I think offering only once is enough sign that she wants to do this.
I didn’t realize how close you were. But it reads to me that you’re talking, in effect, about a family member. Chosen family is still family. And family members do this sort of thing for each other; and don’t balance them out day to day, or sometimes even year to year. They balance out over lifetimes; and they balance out over service to the family as a whole, not necessarily between individual members.
Take the rides; and do what you can for her and/or hers.
– if the issue is that the rides would only be available occasionally and on short notice, that’s different; in that case just explain that MATA needs to be scheduled three days in advance and doesn’t appreciate frequent cancellations.
As others have said, it can be a great kindness to others to accept their kindness.
I have a friend who uses a wheelchair and is unabashed about asking for what he needs from people. And people fall all over themselves to give it to him, not because he’s a charity case but because he’s a swell guy, and we care about him and like being useful. He was there for me during a difficult point in my life, and it makes me feel good to be able to do something for him.
You don’t have to accept anything that makes you uncomfortable. But just consider that it might mean a lot to her if you said yes.
@ harmonicamoon
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I’ve been scanning the thread for 29 posts wondering WTF is a “work wife” I’ve never heard that term in my life.
I reread the OP twice thinking he meant ex-wife.
I read this whole thread thinking he moved back in with his wife after he became blind, and I really could not understand why his wife driving him to work was such a big deal. :smack:
Do what makes sense for you.
I get what people are saying about the kindess of letting someone do a kindness. But I think boundary maintenance is more important. If an offer makes you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, you have every right to decline it. Even if doing so makes the offerer feel some kind of way about it. Maybe even especially if it makes the offerer feel some kind of way about it.
If your work wife is truly close to you, she should be able to get where you are coming from and not take it personally.
Frankly, given that this is a person with whom you have a long term very friendly and positive relationship, you should accept the offer, if and only if it actually benefits you. She doesn’t sound like the sort of person who would hold over your head the fact that she gives you a ride that takes her 0.0 miles out of her way, takes 0 minutes longer and costs pennies per ride. She is likely a person who says to herself “We live in the same building and work in the same building and he’s paying for a transit service instead of just riding with me, that’s crazy!”
If the offer would result in a significant inconvenience for you or her, it makes sense to decline, but outside of that, ride with your friend instead of a stranger.
If you don’t want to do this for fear of relationship strain, and perhaps you want some level of independence. What about 1/week? Just to have a easier day and enjoy that someone wants to help, not for something you can’t do on your own, but just to make your day better by her offering something that is not hard for her to do.
It’s a thing I learned while thru-hiking the Appalachian trail - how to receive. It’s a tough thing to learn because it puts us in the position of the needy one. But receiving is part of giving, and we all need help in life and we also all desire to give, but many times reluctant to receive (which paralyzes the giving).
How I came to realize this is while hiking is that while we (as hikers) had everything we needed to do what we needed to do, there were many sacrifices we had to make. Simple foods that are common in everyday life were not available to us while in the woods for days. There are people who offered us such foods such as a hotdog, hamburger, bacon and eggs, pizza, and many more. To them these foods are easily obtainable, for us they were impossible to obtain on trail. Having that food given in exchange for our trail tails, something that was so easy for us to do, yet impossible for ‘the givers’, called trail angels, to obtain on their own, was so helpful in so many ways. It brought many a thru hiker to tears to know that they are cared about as a person, yet it was so easy to do.
Many of us have things that others value, yet are easy for us to obtain. To me these are natural gifts and we are meant to share them. There are also things that are hard for us to obtain, but easy for others, these are things we should receive as that allows the gifting.
Also another thought, is it possible for her to drop you off not at work but at a better place for you to catch your transit that may be a lot easier for her?
Half of the lessons we learn from giving are in the ‘receiving graciously’ when required department! The giving is only half the lesson.
I understand your hesitation. On the other hand you already enjoy a healthy relationship with this person. Consider instead of an outright no, trying it first. Set up a two or three day a week trial and see how it really does function for both of you. Then you’ll KNOW if it will mean cancelling the para transit on short notice, or not.
Do not force compensation on someone wanting only to help. Instead consider putting $5 aside for each ride, then gifting the money as your work wife leaves for holiday or Christmas rolls around!
Good Luck!
A store manager who lived in my city used to give me rides. No problem. Now if I stay late and help the night manager with closing, she also gives me a ride to a spot on her dricce home, and I walk the rest of the way.
You are not inconveniencing her in any way. I’d say go for it.
Also, if it’s one scheduled day a week, the logistics might be simpler-- she’ll know that on that one day, she’ll either have to leave on time or schedule meetings/overtime more than three days in advance. Which is still way more flexibility than an average parent who needs to pick up kids.
My humble suggesting is try carpooling with her a day or two a week and see how the logistics go. I agree it would be hard to feel like she’s being your chauffeur and getting nothing in return, so work out ahead of time what your fair contribution is, based on a carpool where one person is always driving (and if that fair contribution is more than the cost and hassle of MATA plus, then of course stick to MATA full time).