My girlfriend has a sister who is a born-again christian. I am an atheist. A few weeks ago, the sister sent me a greeting card congratulating me on my recent marriage. This was very nice, but the card was intended for someone who was extremely religious and it contained numerous crucifixes (crucifi?) and a bit of purple prose about our god and saviour, etc. She knows perfectly well what my views on religion are, as we have had a few “polite” conversations about the subject in the past, so I was incensed when I recieved it, and I took it as a real slap in the face. I feel that she was purposely making an attempt to’save me’, to look superior, and to give me a jab that I couldn’t easily respond to. Furthermore, she knows perfectly well that if I were religious, I would be jewish.
My friend says that I should just forget about it, but the more I think about it, the madder I become. I am going to see her in a few weeks and it want very badly to say something to her, but I just don’t know what.
The only thing that I can come up with include my telling her that I am simply puzzled by her choice of cards, and say as if I were amused rather than angry about it. I just want to put her on the spot and let her know that her little dig was not well recieved.
Do you have any suggestions as to how I might effectively handle this, or should I just forget about it?
I don’t want to look like a crackpot, or make a huge deal out of it, but I feel that not to say something would be letting her ‘win’, in a way.
My guess would be that it is your girlfiend’s sister who is being petty, you will only become petty if you allow her to draw you into a response.
JMHO
That card was obviously intended to get to you therefor causing you to make a remark to her about it and in this way, giving her an opportunity to try to “save you”. I have heard from some of my christian friends, “If you throw a rock at a pack of dogs and one begins to cry, the one that cries is the one that’s been hit.”
She threw a rock; do you want to be the dog that cries?
Consider the source and ignore it. What difference does it make if she “wins” whatever little game she’s playing? Don’t bring it up. If she says something, you could just say “Thanks for thinking of me.” and let it go at that.
Don’t let her get to you.
Yes, you are being petty.
It’s a card. Move on.
Fuhgetaboutit.
She may have done this to draw you into a discussion to try to save you.
If you want this discussion, then bring the card up, if you don’t, don’t.
Your girlfriend’s born again sister sent you a card congratulating you on your marriage? Does your wife know about your girlfriend?
:eek:
Awww, hell, I just looked at the OP’s name. Got the genders crossed. Nevermind.
Boy, that was fast. Since everyone has said basically to forget it, I guess I have my answer. It’s true that I would be supporting her game…I hadn’t even thought of that. Thanxt.
I just think it’s cool that one can do this on this board. It is better to get a number of answers than just one person’s opinion. Sometimes I think it’s better than a shrink.
I think the germaine point here is, do you think the fundie gave you this card with a religious agenda, or did she just give you what she thought was an appropriate wedding card? Is she merely arrogant in her new-found religion, or actively hostile towards your atheism? Arrogance I would ignore; maliciousness I would also ignore, because I have no patience for fighting THAT level of ignorance. In this case, because she probably wants you to start something over it, you would actually win if you just completely ignored her not-to-subtle jab. If she keeps it up, however, tell her to take a long walk on a short pier; your beliefs are your own, and none of her business.
Well, the French are Catholic . . .
Bottom line: Just let go of it. Don’t let anyone else live rent-free in your head.
You have two options.
The first is the mature one, and has been well covered to just let it slide it on by. This, while the best, is boring.
The second option is to go the petty route, but to do it with more style than general incencsed anger. For instance: send a thank-you card back, only a Jewish-themed one. E.g., If she gets a new, better job, find a Bar Mitzvah card, cross out the words “Bar Mitzvah” and pencil in “new job”. For other card occasions, try to find neopagan, Buddhist, Hindu, etcetera-themed cards–purple prose being a necessity, of course.
Now, people will object that this would still be petty and wrong. And that objection will have the strength of being true. But it’s still far more entertaining!
Lol, Drastic, I love it, but, I’m afraid I’m going the mature route, for a change. Y’know, no matter what I do or say, she’s not going to admit to it, she’s too phucking stubborn. She’ll look so innocent, I’ll be the one who looks bad. ;j
Still not necessarily irrelevant. My ex-wife had a girlfriend, whom she now lives with as her life partner.
I’m with the others. Forget about it.
Moreover, I think that perhaps you’re reading it wrong. I’m not a religious person, so I tend to look for non-religious wedding cards no matter how religious the receiver may be.
Perhaps, she was just getting you a card that she would pick for herself, and was looking for your conversion at all. In fact, I think it was nice, considering you really aren’t close to her, that she sent you good wishes. I would thank her for the kind thoughts.
But that’s just me.
You could consider pointing out that some people might be offended, but I agree that its not worth worrying about. Cards are always chosen to seem appropriate to the sender. I have even sent religious cards in an ironic way…
If you are fed up with her I suggest saying ‘You know about this, I’ve been wondering’ and asking ‘So, does praying for someone actually help? Why does God need us to point out who deserves help?’ or ‘What happends to people who no-one told about the bible? Do they really go to hell?’ etc. Tailor to her specific beliefs.
Well, I assure you, I’m a girl and, believe it or not, a straight one.
I really have no doubt that this person knew exactly what she was doing, as I have stated, she knows my views on religion, as we have had numerous discussions on the subject. See, the thing I didn’t mention earlier was that before she became ‘born-again’ she was a real person who liked to carouse and have a good time once in a while, she was, however, married to a real drunk. When she finally threw the bum out, she did a complete turn-around, married an ex-preacher, and became a self-righteous super-twat. I didn’t mention these facts before because they are also typical, I didn’t want to bore you, but I’ve decided to give you the real picture. I would ask her those profound questions (I’ve already asked her to provide me with a reasonable religious explanation for the holocaust and 911), but, I know it woul be a waste of time. I guess the key word was ‘reasonable’.
Another vote for “don’t mention it.” Look at it this way: Either she meant well by sending it, in which case you’ll make her feel badly by letting her know she offended you . . . or . . . She was being intentionally pushy and/or bitchy in sending it, in which case she’ll know she succeeded in bothering you, once you tell her so. There’s no upside to you either way, so I wouldn’t say a thing about it.
-a lot of us gals refer to our friends as our girlfriends. Our best girlfriends, our friends, our gal pals, etc.
It doesn’t mean girlfriend.