Good point. He’s a manly man type, for sure. I think I’ll go with that theory: despite his vast collection of shoot-em-ups, westerns and Kevin James comedies, he secretly loves costume dramas, but doesn’t want to ruin his image. 
My guess is that she didn’t want you to watch Big Brother with her. She wanted you to want to watch Big Brother. She knows you don’t like it but she wanted you to do something for her because you knew it would make her happy.
I occasionally go to movies that I don’t necessarily like very much because they make my husband happy. He eats pizza instead of chinese sometimes even though general tsao’s chicken is his favorite thing because he knows I would rather have pizza. Other times we may go see different movies or order from two different places for dinner, but every once in a while it feels awesome to know that someone is doing something specifically to make you happy. I would bet dollars to donuts that your wife was looking for a little give on your part to make her feel special. Who knows, maybe if you’d watched an episode of Big Brother with her she would have run and put on a nurses’ outfit and come back to check your vitals! 
I think your wife is being selfish. She can “spend time” with you while you watch your TV show that she doesn’t like and she is surfing the internet/being occupied with the laptop. You do not have that option. If you sit out in the living room with her to watch a TV show that you don’t like you have to actually watch the show.
You should tell her that you’ll watch Big Brother with her if she will watch one of your TV shows with the laptop turned off. Once presented with that option she may realize how she has an advatage that you don’t and then drop the issue.
Or tell her you’ll watch BB with her as long as you can surf the internet on her laptop while you do so.
The Druidess and I have a somewhat similar situation. She likes a lot of programs that I just don’t. Lucky for me, she’s fine if I retreat to the “man cave” to do my thing while she’s watching her stuff. There are some things we watch together from time to time…and we usually try to catch Anderson Cooper’s “Ridicu-list” segment most nights, becaus ewe both enjoy it.
I don’t think you’re being selfish…but for marital peace, you might want to suggest y’all do a designated “date night” every so often where you’ll do something together. That may mean you have to endure a chick flick once in a while. That ain’t fun, but tis a small price to pay to please an SO…
Too late to edit.
Ah yes, emotional manipulation is the secret to a happy marriage. :rolleyes: It’s one of the reasons I divorced my ex.
“Suffer through something you hate for me or you’re being selfish.”
I think your mistake was thinking it was about the TV show, not the time together. She may not realize you actively dislike it (it took me years to really accept that my husband actively dislikes spaghetti. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I was convinced he was actually “meh” on it).
I would have said “I really don’t like Big Brother, but I’d watch an episode of X, Y, or Z, or I can just go fuck around on my computer.”
If she then basically made it clear that the only combination that would make her happy was you on the couch, watching Big Brother, I would have thought her to be inflexible and pretty selfish.
Pretty much any other answer that opened up the discussion would have been a way for the two of you to find a compromise where you both got whatever you really wanted.
Seriously, that’s what everyone is saying! Suffer through this to prove you really love me. That’s bullshit, yo. I am willing to compromise - hell I watched some sort of ultimate fighting championship with him, which the only thing it had going for it was the hot guys…but I won’t watch something I absolutely hate for him, and I won’t ask him watch something he hates.
I think she just wanted you in the same room, because she enjoys that, and figured that this was the “same” as when you were together watching Wipeout. She likes being close to you. She just didn’t think about the fact that she’s usually on her laptop during that time - and she might actually find bits of Wipeout interesting for a minute or two - and she thought you’d be willing to do the same for her in terms of being there when watching a show you don’t like.
I think she phrased it/reacted badly, and you aren’t really being selfish, but she wasn’t understanding why you would feel you have to leave the room when she’s doing something she enjoys when she regularly stays in the room when you do something you enjoy.
I think this should be pretty easy to talk through and come up with a solution. You could agree to watch Big Brother, but borrow her laptop during that time. Would she agree to that? Or buy your own laptop? Or stick around for one of her other shows, but never ever Bif Brother?
Either that, or surf the internet. For instance, you could ask for advice on message boards about how to avoid being in the room while Big Brother is on.
One other thing: if she felt like she was making a suggestion, and your response was to get up and leave, I can see how she thought it was selfish. There’s a certain type of passive aggressive behavior where someone refuses to ever discuss a compromise, and if they don’t like the first suggestion, they just leave and refuse to talk about it (no, no, do what you want. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Watch your show). It makes the other person responsible for magically knowing the perfect suggestion in advance, and then puts the pressure on them to basically beg forgiveness for having gotten it wrong.
This is the kind of person that seems to agree when you suggest Mexican food, but then when you get to the restaurant just orders water and explains that they had Mexican for lunch, but you go ahead. And when you try to rectify the situation (we can go next store to the Chinese place, I really don’t care), they are like “Well, it’s what you wanted and I don’t mind, HONESTLY. Why are you upset with me? I’m happy”. It really is asshole behavior.
I’m not saying you did this, but it could have been perceived that way, and if so, I can see why she got pissed.
Asking your spouse to sit with you through something they don’t necessarily like is no more emotional manipulation than leaving the room every time you aren’t completely into what is going on is spousal neglect. The OP said:
He even listed Wipeout in the list of shows he likes that she doesn’t enjoy or really pay any attention to, so to her watching Wipeout so she can spend time with him was probably a big deal and she asked him to do the same for her. If he had suggested that they play a board game together instead or watch a movie they both like or anything other than, “Well, my being in the other room isn’t stopping you” she probably would have been very happy. It sounds like much of their down time, including the downtime they spend together, involves watching TV so it makes sense that they each might occasionally sit through something they don’t really like for the sake of their spouse.
Eh, I think it’s bullshit. If you’re not going to say what you want, don’t be surprised when people take what you do say at face value. She didn;t even begin to acknowledge that she was asking him to do something unpleasant, nor that his presence was something she desired. She said “Let’s watch Big Brother” he said “nah, you go ahead” rather than what he was really thinking (“I’d rather stab myself to death”).
And while it’s fine to force your spouse to sit through something unpleasant, such requests should be used sparing and reserved only for things that are actually important to you.
My husband watch tons of TV together, but he doesn’t have to watch Hoarders with me (I’m a big grownup girl who can watch Hoarders all on her own!). Similarly, if my husband watches Formula 1 for 4 straight hours, and I wander through merely to ask if they’re still driving in circles and to comment that Kimi Raikkonen is hot, he does not get offended at either my lack of interest in the race, or my interest in Kimi’s ass.
Sometimes I can’t believe the trivial bullshit people (men and women) choose to get upset over.
My ex forced me to watch an episode of The Honeymooners. I couldn’t understand why he thought it was so hilarious to watch two people treat each other like utter shit and he couldn’t understand why I didn’t think it was funny at all.
And that right there is the metaphor for the entire relationship.
::Heads off to google Kimi Raikkonen.::
HELL-o!
Maybe when she said “You’re so selfish”, she was thinking about something else.
There’s a joke going around about a husband and wife who both keep a journal. She writes that she’s worried about husband’s distracted behavior, thinks he doesn’t love her anymore, or maybe he’s having an affair. They go to bed, she makes a move, he turns away. She’s devastated! What could be wrong! Is the marriage over? She writes pages and pages about this.
Husband’s journal: “Can’t get the damn boat motor to start.”
My husband isn’t interested in TV and only watches clip shows – funny videos, car chases, news, weather, stuff he can watch for a minute and then go do something else. He lets me have the big TV on Sunday nights, but other than that, if I want to watch an entire episode of anything, I have to use the second set. He just can’t sit still. I think the only show we’ve watched together was Deadwood. And Two and a Half Men.
Threads like this make me grateful I like the same stuff as Sr. Olives. I think leaving the room is perfectly fine for you to do, and sure as hell beats sitting there complaining about what a terrible show you’re being forced to watch. My in-laws have a relationship like that and I don’t think I could enjoy something knowing the other person hated it.
95% of the time we’re into the same stuff; the 5% of the time we’re not, we part ways. He doesn’t have to sit through my Sound of Music marathons. If he can’t appreciate the Von Trapps, I don’t want him there anyway. Likewise, I was not going to watch Matrix 3 because #2 was a P.O.S. - and judging from his response after seeing the film, I made a wise decision. It’s okay for couples to not always do the same thing together. They’ve even done studies - gritting your teeth through activities that one of you does not enjoy is the kiss of relationship death.
First world problems!
I’m glad I don’t have a tv or a spouse. But when I have (not a spouse, but a LT BF) in the past, I can’t remember sweating it this much. If she wants to watch TV, she can. If you don’t want to watch it, you can play WoW (yay for WoW!). If she wants to spend time together, DO SOMETHING. And it should be something you agree upon together, not something either of you gets railroaded into. Go out for dinner, or a walk or bike ride or catch fireflies after dusk. Sheesh.
Alternatively, get her hooked on WoW
I agree with this. The OP’s wife probably feels like her husband isn’t sucking it up for the team like she is for the sake of togetherness.
I think the more important question is NOT “Who likes which show the best?” but rather, “Who values their SO’s company the most while watching TV?” The OP’s wife clearly values the company aspect as much or more than TV enjoyment. Her disappointment, IMO, relates to not feeling like the OP values her company more than the likelihood of him enjoying Big Brother. The OP, on the other hand, is focused more on enjoying the TV show; he is pissed because she doesn’t seem to care about his entertainment needs.
Neither one is right in this situation. I can see both sides.
HeyHomie, would you rather watch all your favorite shows alone or in the company of your wife? If you can see the pleasure in having your wife there–even if she’s not even paying attention–try to empathize with her feelings. By scuttling off to the other room when “her” show is on, it lessens her enjoyment of watching TV. Maybe the same thing wouldn’t bother you, but that doesn’t make her unreasonable. Just different.
Our TV habits are unique in that Mr. Sali doesn’t even like to watch TV more than a half hour a day. He has a bad back and isn’t comfortable in the living room, so he has a TV and his very own special chair in the basement. I will go down and we’ll watch Unwrapped or Pawnstars together, and frankly, that’s enough. … I miss the earlier years, when I got him willingly hooked on the good stuff. (Rich Man, Poor Man when we were dating.) Later, Upstairs, Downstairs and Twin Peaks - he dropped everything, watched every single episode of both those with me like a good husband should! He said if I got the DVDs we could watch them all over again 
Now, it’s mostly "you come down here in the basement and watch the James Bond marathon - no? Well, that’s where I’ll be, go watch Desperate Housewives or something. 
The solution is staring you in the face, Homie. You need to buy yourself an iPad.