Am I Emily Post's Nightmare? (Re: Puppies and Favorite Shoes)

[auntie_em]

OK. So I recently returned from a trip to Michigan. While I was away, my 8-month-old puppy, CornPone (and my rats) stayed with my friends Robyn and Mary.

Some things you should know:

1. Robyn and Mary are the people from whom I got the puppy (Robyn found her abandoned in a dog park).

2. Robyn and Mary kept the puppy for about two months before I took possession of her (and I’d only had her for about two weeks when I went on my trip).

3. Robyn REEEEEEEALLY (REEEEEEEEEALLY!) wanted to keep the puppy permanently (and as a result stalled as long as possible before letting me take her), but Mary said NO, on the grounds that they have NINE animals in their house as it is…

4. …so one of the conditions of my adoption of the puppy (imposed by Robyn, who was heartbroken when I took her) was that I had to bring her back for weekend stays at their house from time to time. Cool with me.

Because of #4, I thought that leaving CornPone with them while I was in Michigan (my other dogs went elsewhere to stay) might be ideal. I mentioned it to Robyn, and she said yes, she’d LOVE to keep the puppy while I was gone! Then she mentioned that she’d be sitting for a couple of other dogs at the same time (and would have to enlist Mary’s help with CornPone), so I offered to just take CornPone to the boarder with my other dog, so as not to be an added imposition.

She declined my offer, and seemed really excited about CornPone’s visit.

Anyway, on to the point.

While I was away, CornPone ate a pair of Mary’s (favorite) shoes.

My question: Am I obligated to buy Mary a new pair of shoes?

Let me make a few things clear:

1. I am going to offer to replace Mary’s shoes.

2. I am not grousing about having to replace the shoes.

3. Nor am I patting myself on the back and waving the Generosity Queen scepter because I am going to replace the shoes.

My point here is that although I will be happy to replace the shoes (assuming they’re not Manolo Blahniks or something), I do not feel obligated to do so. Yet when I mentioned the whole thing to my mother (saying jokingly that the little thank-you-for-keeping-my-dog gifts I brought back from Michigan for Robyn and Mary now seemed a bit paltry), she said that I was absolutely obligated to do so.

Sure, I felt kind of bad about the shoes, and I figure replacing them is the nice thing to do, but if I didn’t have the money or something, I would not feel–under these particular circumstances–that I was Sinfully and Irredeemably Rude and Bastardly for not doing so.

I know that this hardly matters in the Great Scheme of Things, but I consider myself to be a polite and thoughtful person, so this little disagreement with my mom over whether or not replacing the shoes is my duty in this situation has got me wondering…

Am I wrong?

P.S. Robyn still wants me to bring her back some weekends, but if she’s gonna go eating stuff I’m gonna HAVE to replace…

[Scarlett67]

I believe (but don’t really have time to verify) that Miss Manners’ take on situations like this is that it’s proper for you to offer to replace the shoes, and then it’s proper for Mary to say, “Oh no, that’s not necessary.”

But I’m also wondering this: If I were puppysitting a young dog whose chewing habits I was not familiar with, I wouldn’t leave my favorite (or any) shoes lying around within her reach. Even with my own 3-month-old puppy, who seems to realize which objects are her toys and which are off-limits, I keep my leather Birks above puppy level, or in a room that she can’t get into. An ounce of prevention and all that.

[auntie_em]

*Originally posted by Scarlett67 *
I believe (but don’t really have time to verify) that Miss Manners’ take on situations like this is that it’s proper for you to offer to replace the shoes, and then it’s proper for Mary to say, "Oh no, that’s not necessary."

So etiquette is all about pretense? That’s nice to know.

*Originally posted by Scarlett67 *
**But I’m also wondering this: If I were puppysitting a young dog whose chewing habits I was not familiar with, I wouldn’t leave my favorite (or any) shoes lying around within her reach. **

That’s part of my point–they lived with this puppy for two months (and had only given her to me recently), so they are familiar with her chewing habits!

As I said, under other circumstances (say, if these were people with no puppy experience, and I’d begged them to keep the puppy, promising that she’d be no trouble, or something…) I might feel obligated, but in this one, well…

[Scarlett67]

*Originally posted by auntie em *
So etiquette is all about pretense? That’s nice to know.

Actually, yeah, a lot of etiquette is about pretense – you pretend to like the hideous gift Aunt Martha gave you, you pretend that you don’t expect wedding presents, you pretend that the food at a dinner party doesn’t make you gag, and so on. Acting is a useful skill when you want to be polite.

That’s part of my point–they lived with this puppy for two months (and had only given her to me recently), so they are familiar with her chewing habits!

That certainly does tip the equation. I suppose the puppy’s chewing habits could have been corrected by training in the six months you had her, but speaking from experience (and one chewed shoe), I know that that’s not always possible – and it would have been rather unsafe for Mary to assume it. Even the best-trained dogs can make mistakes. (Fondly recalling Miss Emily, who knew not to steal food, but managed a few sneaky thefts in her later years . . .)

Scarlett, whose decision to send the 2-year-old to her mom’s and take the 3-month-old with us next weekend has been reinforced by this thread

[scout1222]

I don’t have the final verdict on this one (though I’d probably offer to pay just to be nice, as you are), I just wanted to say that I think CornPone is an adorable name.

How cute!

[auntie_em]

*Originally posted by Scarlett67 *
Actually, yeah, a lot of etiquette is about pretense – you pretend to like the hideous gift Aunt Martha gave you, you pretend that you don’t expect wedding presents, you pretend that the food at a dinner party doesn’t make you gag, and so on. Acting is a useful skill when you want to be polite.

Hmm, I guess that’s certainly true… but I may have to draw the line at those situations where I’m required to make an insincere offer (which it would be, if I’m expecting her to turn it down, as etiquette dictates)! As it is, if Mary says, “Hey yeah, let’s head to the shoe store right now!” I will certainly not consider her to be rude–I mean, if I’m offering to buy her some shoes, I should expect to buy her some shoes, goddammit!

*Originally posted by Scarlett67 *
**That certainly does tip the equation. I suppose the puppy’s chewing habits could have been corrected by training in the six months you had her, but speaking from experience (and one chewed shoe), I know that that’s not always possible – and it would have been rather unsafe for Mary to assume it. **

Just a small clarification… I have only had the dog for two weeks. She is 8 months old, but first belonged to someone unknown. She was around 6 months old when Robyn found her (abandoned). Robyn and Mary kept her for a couple of months, and then gave her to me about a week and a half before my trip.

And speaking of trips… where you taking this puppy? I took my other dog, at 5 months, on a road trip to Atlanta.

She peed on the bed in every hotel.

Should have seen the massive tips I was leaving!

[auntie_em]

*Originally posted by scout1222 *
**I don’t have the final verdict on this one (though I’d probably offer to pay just to be nice, as you are), I just wanted to say that I think CornPone is an adorable name.

How cute! **

Actually, I thought of it because of the SDMB… isn’t there a poster here named Jubilation T Cornpone?

[ratatoskK]

You’re doing the generous thing by offering to replace the shoes, but in my opinion, Robyn would be the one who’s really obligated to pay, because SHE was responsible for the dog at the time (and in addition, she really was begging you to let her care for him, it’s not as though you pushed the dog on an unwilling person).

[Scarlett67]

*Originally posted by auntie em *
Just a small clarification… I have only had the dog for two weeks.

Ah, yes, I see that you said that originally. Serves me right for skimming. Sorry about that.

**And speaking of trips… where you taking this puppy? I took my other dog, at 5 months, on a road trip to Atlanta.

She peed on the bed in every hotel.

Should have seen the massive tips I was leaving! **

We’re going to a music festival, where I’m going to sell my handmade jewelry. We’ll be tent camping. I’m a big believer in crate training, so we’ll be taking her folding crate, the one she sleeps in every night. She’ll be right at home in my booth during the day (with frequent walks with Mr. S) and in the tent at night. We’ve used the crate with the 2-year-old in hotel rooms – no surprises on the carpet!

[auntie_em]

*Originally posted by Scarlett67 *
**We’re going to a music festival, where I’m going to sell my handmade jewelry. We’ll be tent camping. I’m a big believer in crate training, so we’ll be taking her folding crate, the one she sleeps in every night. She’ll be right at home in my booth during the day (with frequent walks with Mr. S) and in the tent at night. We’ve used the crate with the 2-year-old in hotel rooms – no surprises on the carpet! **

That sounds like a lot of fun! I’m a little jealous. For the record, I too am a believer in crate training (and took Ezra’s crate with me to Atlanta), but she managed…! Part of it is that she wasn’t sleeping in the crate. When she was a puppy, we lived with my mom, who was vehemently opposed to crate training (you can imagine how that went), so she was no longer sleeping in (or very accustomed to) the crate by the time she hit 5 months…

CornPone, on the other hand, doesn’t mind the crate at all, and my mother’s no longer around to take her out, so a trip to Atlanta with HER might work nicely.

Anyway, have fun! I’m still jealous.