I just can’t seem to stop crying. My Mom died on Aug. 28. Where does one draw the fine line between grieving and/or losing ones’ mind?
I’ll be fine for a few days, then it just overwhelms me. Yesterday I was cleaning out some drawers and came across the birthday card my mum sent me last year. She would have sent me one this year, excepting her untimely death. And then I realized that I would never have a Birthday card from her again. I miss her so much; and I wish I could have her back. I talk to her at times…I hope that she knew how much I loved her. And I miss her terribly.
Do I need to seek out the help of professionals, or is it ‘normal’ to feel this way?
Keep in mind that I’m judging only from what you wrote in this thread, but it sounds pretty much like normal grief to me.
Virtually no time has gone by since the loss. Give it time. Grief will bubble up and burst out at the oddest times, over a wide variety of things. Sometimes triggered by songs on the radio, or adverts in the newspaper.
Take the opportunity to talk to friends and family about it. It does help.
If grief is still incapacitating one so badly that one can’t function fairly normally a year after the loss, then there may be a need for help.
If the grief is so severe that one can’t take care of oneself’s daily needs or one’s childrens daily needs a few weeks after the loss, assistance is probably necessary too.
I also speak as one who lost both parents when I was in my 30’s.
QtM, MD
You’ve had less than a month to deal with the loss. I don’t pretend to be an expert by any means, but if I were to lose a parent, I don’t know if I’d be composed enough to even write about it.
In fact, right now I’m away from home long-term for the first time in my life. I haven’t seen my family in three weeks and I miss them more than I ever thought I would. The separation isn’t permanent, but I still feel overwhelmed because I’m not near them. If that’s the way I feel about something so much less serious, it seems to me that you’re handling your situation the way anyone would.
I’m deeply sorry for your loss.
Ryan
No. You’re not losing your mind, although it may seem like it for a while.
I have lost both my parents… my mother most recently, and I can tell you that you will probably never “get over it”. But, you will be able to stop crying and being morbidly depressed. Things will come up all the time that will remind you of her, or make you wish she was there to talk to… and I’ll tell you frankly, this Christmas will totally suck. But living well and being happy is the best way to remember and honour her. Good luck… things will eventually get better.
Thank you, Qadgop the Mercotan and Nightwatch Trailer.
Like I said before, I can be fine for hours or days. Then something hits home, and I burst into tears anew. I was quite stoic during my mothers memorial, my granddaughter slept in my arms through the whole thing.
I guess I’m in the Denial phase, I can’t believe that my mother is gone. I’m angry that I can’t pick up the phone, dial her number; and just talk to her.
I’m also angry at the ambulance-chasers that continue to send their dreck to my Mom’s house. “'Been run over by a beer truck??? Call 846-give-a-fuck!!!” My Mom survived horrendous injuries for 32 days in ICU after being T-boned by a driver that didn’t see the STOP sign. The other driver was doing 59 MPH when she hit my mom…
Mom had all the ribs on her left side fractured. They had to remove her spleen. Mom had a BRAIN Bleed… Mom had a pelvic fracture. She had a punctured lung. The surgeons had to piece together my mom’s diaphram so that she had a hope one day of breathing on her own. My mom was on life-support for 32-friggin’ days. My mom got tired of all the machines and medicines and bells and whistles; and one night she said “Fuck it!” “I’'m outta here!”
I guess I’m disappointed. My mother was a very strong woman, and I expected her to recover from her injuries. I guess I was just being selfish.
I just want my Mommy…
{{{{truthbot}}}}}
You are most definitely not going crazy. My dad killed himself almost 3 years ago and even now I have random jags of crying. Especially when things jog memories of him. It is definitely better now then it was. You’ll feel better as the days go on but I don’t think that these sort of these ever completely disappear.
You are completely normal. You lost your mom in a horrific accident. It’s going to take awhile to work past it.
Talk to friends, family. Write your thoughts down. Talk to your mom in your head (or out loud.)
It will get better. But it takes time. Be patient. Your mom was a strong lady, and she has a strong child.
Thank you, Guin. I appreciate it.
** truthbot ** I know what you’re going through, too. I lost my only son 4 years ago. I cried every day for a year, and I still cry, just less often. Talk about it… to anyone… everyone. No one should have to hold their grief inside, just because people are uncomfortable.
If you do it enough, those around you will get used to it; you will have made the world a slightly better place.
I feel for you Truthbot. My mum died suddenly and it is hard to cope with the sheer shock of it I know. The first year is the worst but it does get better, follow the advice in this thread and above all give yourself time.
I am so sorry about your loss. The death of a parent, particularly a beloved mother, is one of the hardest things to deal with. A month, as others have said, is no time at all. It would be surprising if you were not still distraught. QtM’s advice is right on target, as usual. Seeing a counselor, or talking with a clergyperson or other person that you trust, can be helpful.
After my mom died, I found myself with very similar symptoms to what you’re reporting. Also I had a lot of trouble remembering anything. It was as if my brain wanted to help me forget my sadness and the only way to do so was not to remember anything. She died in the month of June, and sometime in the autumn I realized that the entire summer had elapsed and I remembered nothing of it. I still don’t.
Some day you will be able to think of her and remember the wonderful parts of her life without crying. That time has simply not yet come.
My father died over two years ago, and it made me cry today a bit.
And my dad really pissed me off! More than anybody on Earth. But I’m tearing up now thinking of him.