My mom died 2+ years ago…she was my best friend,we drank together, carried on doin stupid shit like teenagers together, danced together, jammed music together… we did EVERYTHING together, had great times…lotsa memories…I helped/guided her/wathced her die in my home…flash forward 2 years and it seems like I was in zombie mode when she died…I was ok with it…said goodbye.etc…Now I am havin a hard time of it 2 years later…she was the one I called and talked about all the gossip around here…she was the one I called to tell her what channel to put on for the latest murder show…she was the one that cared/gave a damn/ loved me unconditionally/ protected me/ stood up for me…she was my confidant, my drinking buddy, my mom…my life!!! How the hell do I get over it/go on without her physical presence??? Talk to me…please advise…
Background…I am amazing outgoing…the life of the pary…funny, witty, sarcastic…I was voted class clown in my graduating class, and have takin that award to my day to day life at work…and I love it! But…miss my mom!!!
For what it’s worth, my mom died just over four years ago and it is much easier for me now than it was two years ago. I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry you are having a hard time & missing your Mom so much right now. I know several people that have found a lot of comfort in Grief Support groups. Perhaps there are some in your area?
Try writing down some of your memories of your Mom… I’ve often found solace in writing. Feel free to PM me of you wanna talk. HUGS Saying a prayer for you.
Sorry to hear that you’ve experienced such a sad loss. Grief is something that will often ebb and flow over time. I think the most important thing is to try to find supportive people that you can lean on during the hard times.
Both of my folks died in 1999, when I was 36. I had a very hard time for several years, but the pain and regret are fading some now. I still have bad days; my son just graduated from high school, and starts college on Monday. My dad died the day after my 14yo’s first birthday. They’ve missed so much of my childrens’ lives, and my milestones for them are mixed with sadness that their grandparents aren’t here to see them.
My suggestion - one that I haven’t done yet- is to seek some counseling. The sadness can be overwhelming at times, but I don’t think it’s normal. Well, not after 13 years, anyway. Hell, I’m getting upset just typing this.:smack:
A mental health professional is where you should start. On Monday.
I lost my mom way back in 1965 when I was 14. I still miss her. A mother’s uncomditional love is the most precious thing in the world.
But I have a memory of that love that comforts me when I think about her now and then.
I was LUCKY to have that time with her and it seems to me you are very lucky as well.
I’m sorry you’re hurting. I had a very hard time when my mom died. It’s been almost 6 years now and I still miss her.
When my grief was fresh, I would often go sit in my car and just scream. My eyes well up even now, just remembering those days.
Cherish your memories and do try to remind yourself that your mom wouldn’t want you to be hurting. It does get easier, I promise.
My Mom died almost two years ago. It is very hard, but you almost have to reinvent yourself. Mourning what you had cannot make it come back. You are a new person, you need to throw yourself into figuring out who that person is. Mourning what you lost becomes counter productive. No one can ever replace your mom, but you do need to move forward for yourself and all the other people in your life. I wish I had a roadmap but I don’t, but you know what you need to do.
My Mom died in 2007.
She was everything to me, and the World became empty when she left.
Today, I still miss her, & sometime cry at her memory.
But I can also enjoy rain on my face, & a sunny day, & can laugh at a joke again.
We will always miss our Mothers. But they want us to go on living.
Exercise outdoors. Seek Nature’s beauty for comfort.
You take the time you had together as a gift. You have to. You will hurt & you will miss her. Hurts all of us when it happens (I know thats meaningless and I won’t hijack your mourning with mine).
You need to have fun, to live and love your life & to spend time with (and give time to) people who are your friends. Its a good time to be around people to get out and to be with who you can.
You need to know that its OK to cry and to miss her. It may happen a lot at first…but as time passes these times will become more once in a while, and always in private. But mourn and cry as you need to…get it all out, don’t go half-way.
Love that strong needs to come out, even if its in tears.
And when you’re done, you’ll pick yourself up, compose yourself, and you’ll go on with your day…
The worst thing you can do is to tell yourself you “should” be over her death. There’s no “should” in this kind of thing.
My mom’s been gone almost seven years, and I still catch myself thinking “I can’t wait to tell mom about this” or “Mom’s gonna love this when she sees it.” And then I have to remind myself she’s gone. These are special moments, because in my mind she’ll never really be gone. I hope I never “get over” it.
My mom died less than a year ago, and I’m still feeling the way you do. My mom was the person I was the closest to – I could tell her anything, as I came into adulthood she became more like a great friend than an authoritative parental figure. She’s the only person in my family who ever showed me physical affection, and I miss hugging her. We had the same taste in movies and loved to go together, enjoyed traveling together, visiting museums, she was my go-to expert on classical music, etc. When I see women out shopping with their moms or in a restaurant, having fun, I want to cry and often do. I miss her terribly.
I don’t have any advice to give, but I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone.
My mom died after a long illness when I was 11. Even though it’s been over 10 years, I still miss her. Random things will remind me of her to this day. Every time I hear Bruce Springsteen’s Born To Run on the radio I tear up a little bit. It’s super cheesy but it was her favorite song. I used to bust out crying over very, very minor things as a kid and I couldn’t figure out why, but it was really all about her. I can’t help thinking about how my life would have turned out differently if she were around. Every once in a while I have a dream where she shows up and I don’t want to wake up.
I don’t have a whole lot to offer you in terms of advice, but like gallows fodder said, there’s a lot of us out here. I don’t know what gender you are, but I found Motherless Daughtersby Hope Edelman kind of helpful, a few years after the immediate aftermath.
I’m dealing with it right now. Mom passed away a month ago after a four-month illness. We went out, talked, watched TV or just sat with each other for a few hours every day in the hospital/nursing home until I got the call at work to come quickly & arrived 10 minutes after she passed. (To which I actually quoted Maxwell Smart to the nurses. Who got it!) She was my brother’s & my best friend and the house is so empty without her & my life is much the same. But I go through the motions, go to church & work & do my Big Brothers outings & have dinner with friends & pray & talk to Mom & have 10 minute crying jags every few days & just hope for Heaven & the Resurrection. I can’t recommend anything but keep moving on even when there seems to be nothing to move for & think of what you can do with your life to make her proud & do it.
Btw, when I say “pray” I mean to God. Not Mom. I believe in the Communion of Saints, not ancestor worship. G