I drive into this little villiage. I wanna go in the Dollar General. I just need a few things. This dollar store is a recent addition. Like the Great Pyramids along the Nile, this place was welcomed with great Fanfare. It’s always busy. If you need toilet paper its cheaper than the 2 scary gas stations and one Hardware/feedstore/VHS rental (truly, they have some good titles). I could give you more color commentary, but I digress.
Anywhoo, I pull up to the DG and park. The lot is full as usual. I’m in a end spot. On my passengers side is a steep drop to the street below. I’m listening to Haggard song before I get out (never waste a Haggard tune, I always say). I get a $20 bill outta my bag. No need to carry my bag in.
I step outta the car, shut the door and click the fob lock. Satisfying little beep lets me know all is secure. The wind is blowing. As I make my way between my car and my neighbors car a gust of wind comes blowing thru the little canyon created by the cars, the $20 bill is launched from hands. It goes under my car. No prob, I’m on my knees looking under my car. I see the bill, its approximately under the engine compartment.
Now…conundrum?? Do I crawl under or get in the car and back up alittle? Safest way seems to be crawl under. Ok, here I go.
I’m shimmy-ing under. Tight fit. I have these long legs. There’s no way to bend my knees under there. Almost…almost got it…just about…I stretch my hand out for the bill…oops…I hear the neighbor car start up. I jerked my knees in, ouch! That was painful. But my feet weren’t run over.
I got shifted around and the bill isn’t there any more. :smack:
I slide myself out. I’ve attracted a crowd. I mumbled about dropping something and go around the front of my car. No $20 bill. I’m about accuse members of my on-lookers, I look down the embankment. My $20 bill is on the ground at the bottom of this steep hill, for a minute. The wind blew and it flew onto the road.
Now…conundrum? Should I slide down the hill on my butt or get in the car and drive around? I choose the wrong answer, I believe, of sliding down on my butt.
The nice green grass on this little embankment is soggy, muddy wet. I go no where, fast! I dig my feet in and pull myself down. I stand up on the street about the time a gust of wind blows the bill 10 more feet or so. I look like an idiotic twerker trying to stomp on my $20 bill. I finally get it. Wad it up and stuff in my pocket. Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
Uh-no keys in my hand. Oh shit! I am looking up at my growing crowd of onlookers, from the bottom of the hill. One old fellow has my keys held in the air, shaking them and grinning.
So…conundrum? Do I walk around the long way or scramble up the muddy, wet embankment. Well, you guessed it. I, once again make the wrong decision and TRY to scramble up the hill. I’m now muddy front and back. My shoes are soaked. I got up that dang hill somehow. Snatched my keys outta the guys hand. I punched unlock.
So…conundrum? Do I get in the car and go home. Or do I muster strength of will and go in the DG anyway. I could use papertowels, so as not to ruin my upholstery. Yep. You guessed it, I went it and bought papertowels.
I’m now the town crazy Lady. It was determined by half the town. They all saw my little performance. I think bystanders were calling in their friends and neighbors to come see me, while all this was happening.
My next performance?
So…conundrum?? Should I stay away from this town for a few years? Or go back willy-nilly and give out autographs?
(P.S. I forgot to buy what I went after, cannot remember even what it was)
This town is bad. Nothing is safe. I’m surprised the old guy with my keys didn’t drive off in my car.
I saw blood on the concrete at the gas station a few weeks ago.
Now that I’m deemed the crazy Lady the natives may leave me alone.
I like to find the ‘good’ in everything like that.
(:))
You’re so welcome.
Tomorrow I may go in the Hardware/feedstore/VHS rental store, just for a browse.
Oh, wait I can’t. I kept a VHS tape overdue, several years ago. I secretly slid it in the drop-off slot. I never rewinded or paid the late fee. I owe approximately $762.34. :eek:
It was sweet of you to post that story.
However I felt a frisson of dread when I got to the above sentences …
I live in an English country town. Soon after I had moved there, I locked myself out. :smack:
(I hadn’t yet made a suitable friend to give a spare key to.)
So I called in to the local police station, introduced myself and asked for assistance. The polite policeman explained that I could either call a locksmith or they could break in. As it was in the evening, I asked them to help. They wanted to know what sort of front door I had, especially the lock.
Well it was over 25 years ago and a) there was a small window in my door b) there was only a single lock (which could be opened from the inside without a key.)
So another policeman came round to my house, broke the front door window with his truncheon and opened the door. It took him less than a minute - and he made little noise doing it. :eek:
As I thanked him, he said two things:
before I let you in, please prove this is your house*
you should get a much better front door, with a key that turns multiple locks**
*I was able to tell him that there would be a large chess set on display and hundreds of chess magazines in a drawer. Also the oven would be used for storage (since I don’t use it for cooking!)
**I now have toughened glass and a multi-lock system. Plus all my windows have locks.
shrug You got your $20 back and a nice person looked after your keys for you. Doesn’t sound crazy to me.
What you should do is follow the advice of Douglas Adams and put a towel in your car. Towels are amazingly useful things in many circumstances. If you’d had a towel, you wouldn’t have had to buy paper towels.
