A friend of mine went on a blind date tonight with a man she met online. No problem. She told me, “I’m going to email you when I get back. If you don’t hear from me, call out the posse.” A joke, but not altogether insincere.
So tonight, when I hadn’t heard from her by 12:15 A.M., I called her house. No answer. Then I called her cell phone, and this was the part that freaked me out. The cell phone picked up, but she didn’t say anything. For sixteen minutes, I could vaguely hear her date talking to her, but I couldn’t get her to respond to me. I screamed, whistled, and bellowed into the phone. Nothing.
So I called the cops.
I gave the police her address and license plate number (I know it’s weird that I know that, but I do), and I then proceeded to drive over to her house, and then downtown to look for her car. I found her car in a parking deck and was about to search from bar to bar when she and her date came walking up. She, of course, felt horrible that she had worried me so much, but I in turn felt like an idiot.
So what do you all think? Did I overreact? Should I chill out? Or was I acting like a rational adult?
I think you acted perfectly reasonably and as a good friend. When she had the opportunity to talk to you on the phone, but did not, you reasonably assumed something was wrong. In any case, better to be overly cautious than to find out tomorrow she had been raped and murdered and you did nothing.
Friend goes to meet a stranger alone? I think you acted perfectly reasonable. In your place, I would have been furious with the friend for not knowing how to use the damn phone.
Sounds perfectly rational. If more people had friends like you then Jerry Springer would have no show. Though what did you tell the police?
And there’s nothing wrong with knowing friends’ license plates. I remember them too because when I see a car that looks like theirs, I check the plate to see if it really is them. Though my one friend has “LCNSEPL8” on his license plate, so that’s easy to remember.
Actually I did exactly the same thing some months ago (though in a different situation, but it involved too a date, a reason to be worried, my friend picking up the phone then not talking, etc…). The cop went to her house to check it up. She called me back infuriated at first but calmed down later, and admited that I was right to call the cops.
I also sent the firemen to the same friend’s home once (don’t know if it’s the same in the US, but here the firemen have medical teams and people usually call them when there are medical emergencies). In this case also I wasn’t certain it was necessary but I had some reasons to believe it could be and she wouldn’t answer the phone. Actually, she had managed to warn a neighbor, but she really needed emergency care.
Better to have to justify your action to a bemused friend who had the cops/emergency services knocking at her door in the middle of the night, or to feel like an idiot for having searched someone in all the bars of the town, than to regret forever not to have taken any action…When you have good reasons to worry, of course…and in your case, you had such reasons and you did exactly the right thing…
As for what to tell to the cops…IMO exactly what happened and why you’re worried. They should be able to tell if yours fears are unreasonnable or not.
I would be glad to have a friend like you. I don’t think you were overly paranoid.
I had a friend in the UK who was depressed and posted a “farewell” kind of thread once on another board. I ended up calling her cell phone, but she didn’t answer. I ended up calling the security at her Uni and they found her in her room, she had taken an overdose…they took her to the ER and she was fine later.
IMO you did the right thing, better to be safe than sorry.
The truth. I told them she had been on a blind date, that she had not “reported” back to me as planned, and that her cell phone had been picked up but that I couldn’t get her to talk into it.
The whole thing seems so silly now, but I appreciate hearing from you guys that I’m not insane.
I’d say you were just being a good friend and you should do the same again if the situation ever reoccurs.
A friend of mine, many years (when we were both 14) went out with a rather dodgy guy to a party. When she hadn’t returned at the time she said, I went looking for her and eventually found her while I was walking along the street - the guys dumped her out of their car by the river. She’d been raped by four of them. I couldn’t have gotten to her any earlier, but if I hadn’t found her then, semi-conscious and in the very worst part of town, she could have been in still more danger.
So it does happen - make sure your friend knows how to use her cellphone next time.
I called the cops on my dad once because he wasn’t where he usually is. He is VERY predictable, and he usually tells me when he is going somewhere (socially). I tried and tried to reach him and didn’t get an answer. I told the cops to look in the garage window and if the car WASN’T there, everything’s ok. If it WAS there, break in and rescue! My dad was fine with it. I told him I didn’t want to be one of those kids who robs him of his independence, but I was scared. He was very appreciative!
Apparently yes, handy and bosda. As it turns out, when I pulled up to her car in the parking deck, they were in the backseat making out. Blech. Um, I mean, yay for her.
She’s been out of town since Wednesday, but he’s apparently called her everyday.