Foods where the pastry surrounding the contents is so hard that most of the contents are squeezed out, outside the mouth when you take a bite, or foods where the stuff between the pastry is so tough that you can’t help but extract most of the contents of the entire sandwich on the first bite.
These things piss me off. I didn’t spend x amount of money to eat a slab of meat and a tiny bit of bread, then eat a slab of bread and no meat.
It’s your fault for living in England, where they invented gristle-pot-pie.
I was going to post something worthwhile, but saw this and laughed so hard that I totally forgot where I was going.
Ah, Beer!
I fucking hate that. Ever have a Napoleon (in the U.K., “Vanilla slice” or “Cream slice”)? Who invented these? They’re messy even if you eat them with a knife and fork. Impossible to cut, even with a serrated blade (the layers just separate and slide off), and the tines of your fork usually can’t easily penetrate the pastry to break off a piece. Napoleons aren’t new, either, they’ve been around for a while (several centuries AFAIK). WTF?
I fucking hate that. Ever have a Napoleon (in the U.K., “Vanilla slice” or “Cream slice”)? Who invented these? They’re messy even if you eat them with a knife and fork. Impossible to cut, even with a serrated blade (the layers just separate and slide off), and the tines of your fork usually can’t easily penetrate the pastry to break off a piece. Napoleons aren’t new, either, they’ve been around for a while (several centuries AFAIK). WTF?
How do you double post after 12 minutes?
In fact I just bought a Napoleon yesterday and suffered that fate. Almost needed a steak knife to get through the pastry.
But that’s because it wasn’t made by my beloved and much-missed Swiss Pastries in Ottawa. Those were heavenly, with light pastry that crumbled perfectly when you bit into them. I’ve never had better.
I made a post not too long ago and after pressing submit the browser got held up for several minutes then when blank, I wasn’t sure if it posted. I had to back up and refresh the page to check for my post. Had I just backed up and resubmitted thinking it didn’t go through, I probably would have had a 12 minutes difference.
I want to sympathize with the OP but I’m still laughing about gristle-pot-pie.
I live in Pennsylvania. Where any pork is cooked to at least 180 degrees… YOU’LL GET WORMS!!!11!!!one!!!111
I feel your pain. 
Something wrong with your oven?
Ah, a bitter biter thread.
While I’m sure you were traumatized by the nasty uncooperative food item, this thread lacks the vitriol of the Pit. Off to MPSIMS.
I bloody love custard slices, but you’re right - the pastry is like plywood and you can’t eat them without getting coated to the elbows.
The question is: How do they cut them at the bakery - they’re clearly cut from a larger piece, but how do they manage to cut them neatly, complete with vertical sides composed only of set custard? Do they freeze them first? Or use one of those implausibly sharp Samurai swords?
Sort of like Marlon’s inch-thick ketchup sandwiches, if you’ve read The Perishers.
I think the “tough outside, squishy contents” thing is why I couldn’t get on with whelks the one time I tried them.
Pizza rolls give this trouble too. And the insides are HOT so when it squirts out, it burns a part of you.
Try eating any of the aforementioned foods with what my dentist calls my “open bite”. No matter how I maneuver my mouth - my front teeth can never touch. Only my molars meet. So only in private do I eat things like a salami sandwich, or anything with sliced onions. I could go on. I can get through the bread, but then the guts of the sandwich just dangle… :eek:
Phillie Cheese Steaks made w/ meat not chopped properly…it’s not supposed to be filet, but at least cut it up, especially since everything else is so good.
Now this is what I call a damn good question! Bakers?
This I gotta know. I’ll wait a respectful period of time before opening a new thread.
What?
Did I double post?