What about foods that you really want to enjoy, but you really really do not want to eat because they are too much trouble?
My list would be:
Captain Crunch cereal- It tastes fine, but those -I can only surmise- pumice bricks and crunch boulders fuck up the roof of my mouth something fierce. I don’t like the texture of shedding snakes in my mouth. Sorry, I’ll pass.
Watermelon- I’ve come to dub this summer event “Rushin’ Roulette” because whether or not we find the 1 in a 100 watermelon that actually has a good flavor, it irritates my bowels, making me crapshoot 30 minutes later. damn you family, you raised me to eat what is on my plate… stop putting it there and mixing it into the salad
Butterfingers- Hwell hyu schee, my teef fuse tgepher ann i haff to dip my flossh in grout softner tah get it hall out phrom b’wheen my teef.
Yes to the Butterfingers. I love 'em, but I cannot eat them anywhere without making a godawful mess. And the bite size ones…don’t taste right.
Lobster is a hell of a lot of trouble to eat. Too much trouble. Also, artichokes, the whole plant, not the heart. I know these can both be prepared and served so they’re easier to eat, but I’m not doing it, and I’m probably not going to a restaurant where they will do it either.
When my kids were little, they loved crab legs long before they had the skill to crack them on their own. Id sit there cracking their legs while eating something else. Totally lost my interest in crab legs, though I love Krab.
Any snack treat with copious (and usually orange) coating. Think Doritos, Cheetos or any of the many salty treats. You can’t eat them at your desk at work, while driving, at the movies, basically (for me) in public. I hate to have messy hands to begin with but at least in a proper dining setting it’s not noticeable that I use half a dozen napkins. Can’t really do that any old place and the thought of getting that (disgusting yet delicious) goop on everything is very distressing. And no, I sure as heck am not going to lick my fingers.
The last five pistachios. You know, the ones that have juuuust enough of an opening in the shell for you to get your fingernails into, but refuse to crack open.
Handy tip I learned on this board - use a discarded pistachio shell as a tool to open the difficult ones. It fits in even the tiniest openings, and is strong enough that it usually opens the other nut before breaking. And you’ve always got one around.
Rabbit feels like someone took a piece of meat and shot it ten times with a shotgun filled with tiny bones. The last time I had it, it didn’t even feel like they’d go together into a normal mammal skeleton, just infinite bones in my rabbit.
Peel ‘n’ eat shrimp. I get that there’s a lot of flavor in the shells, and leaving them on intensifies the shrimp taste. But man, what a mess to peel them off. I end up with pinkish-orange greasy fingernails, and if the seasoning is spicy, painful pinkish-orange fingernails.
