Sadistic Snack Foods and the Masochists Who Love Them

I love rice crackers. I love them so much that the last time I went to the grocery store I bought the humongous 3 pound bag. I’ve had a bowl of them just about every day this week. My jaw hurts from eating them. My jaw hurts and og help me I want to eat some more!

Whenever I get a craving for cheetos I eat them until the inside of my mouth hurts. Same goes for Salt & Vinegar potato chips. Yet, I will get them again.

So what kind of snack foods cause you pain but you can’t stop eating them?

Wasabi peas. I like tossing a whole handful into my mouth at once and then crunching down to get a really good sinus burn. Granted, I can’t taste anything else for the next several hours, but it’s totally worth it.

Whoppers. You know, the malted milk balls? I can eat an entire carton at a time, but the roof of my mouth hurts for days after.

Pistachios. I will shell and eat those until my fingers bleed, and then take a hammer to those few that I can’t pry the shells from.

My masochism is time-release. Since I’m diabetic, most of the foods I love will eventually kill me.

Especially anything that combines peanut butter and chocolate.

This is what I came in to say. I think wasabi peas are a little like russian roulette - mostly they are bearable, but one in every 6 or 7 is like a little nuclear bomb that makes your eyes water. Love them!

Popcorn. I could eat a bag (the big one, not the single serving size) once or twice a day, but the hulls get in places that even dental floss won’t reach and my mouth is sore for days.

Acid Drops.

They’re a boiled lolly (hard candy) that’s got more citric acid or something in them than normal. They’re sour, but not warhead sour. Just… Lemon juice sour, really.

I love them so much. But being a boiled sweet they splinter as you suck on them and cut the roof of your mouth up. Then the acid gets in.

They are so evil and yet so tasty, aren’t they?

Another vote for wasabi peas. I like holding them against the tip of my tongue, where all the really good pain receptors are.

I just recently discovered these through my SO. Ironically, the first one I pop in my mouth, tastes like crap, but once I get over that taste I just keep popping them in for the next hour, consuming them as fast as I can take the shell off.

Yes, I know they sell them de-shelled, but at least the de-shelling process slows me down a little. If you’ve ever read the nutrional label on them, I don’t think you should be shoveling down fistfuls of them for 30 minutes straight. It’s nature’s way of saying “DO NOT EAT 500% OF YOUR DAILY FAT INTAKE IN UNDER 10 MINUTES”.

Pecans. I’m mildly allergic, but I love them anyway. They first cause a rash and then, if I keep eating the pecans, painful blisters, mostly on my palate, but involving my gums and tongue as well.

Walnuts do the same thing, but luckily I don’t like walnuts!

Artificial cinnamon flavored candies, like red hots or Big Red gum. For years I’d keep eating them, swollen and exploded taste buds be damned. I did eventually give them up, but oh do I miss them!

Cap’n Crunch. Who here has NOT abused the roof of her mouth with the crunchy sugary goodness that is Cap’n Crunch, especially when there are crunchberries.

Salt and vinegar potato chips. I love 'em, especially when I’m PMSing, but after about five minutes my mouth puckers up and I can’t stop salivating (and not in a good kind of salivating way.)

Barbecue hot sauce.

Put it on Mesquite Chicken. Delicious, but with the correct sauce, you may believe The End Of The World™ has arrived.

Wasabi peas and Chinese mustard. I’ll slather Chinese mustard on egg rolls, snort and sniffle my way through the first bite, take a drink, then slather on more.

Crunchy Frog, Anthrax Ripple and Spring Surprise :wink:

I agree with the pistachio nomination, after a while, the shells get sharp, and my fingers start to get a little raw from the edges, but they’re just so good

What is it with pistachios that is so satisfying despite the labor required to extract each nutmeat? Maybe the manual operation partially distracts from the oral craving?

That, and the salt, of course.

I’m not sure if this counts, but fresh pineapple kills me every time. I eat a whole one in a single sitting, and then nurse acid and enzyme burns for the rest of the day.

Pumpkin seeds. I just sit there with a book, something to drink and crack and eat, crack and eat. I like the plain salted ones, and after a while, the salt seems to slightly erode all the surfaces of my mouth and tongue. Just… one… more. Okay, another. One more. This is the last one. No more. One more.

And every once in a while, you hit a ‘bad seed’, heh. Rancid or something. But it’s too late, 'cause it’s already in your mouth! Ew. Still. I have just one more. A plump one. That one wasn’t plump enough. There’s a nicer one. Okay, these are good. One more…

Ditto on the Whoppers!

Also Cool Ranch Doritos - I always end up stabbing my gum with one at some point, but I keep munching anyway.

And I’m with WhyNot on the cinnamon. I buy the big box of Atomic FireBalls at Sam’s and keep them on my desk at work. My fellow addicts come by and help me eat them.