Yesterday morning I was doing some laundry, loading some stuff into the washer, and as usual my two kids were playing right next to me. I noticed my son (19 months) climbing into the empty dryer. My daughter (three years old) thought it was hilarious. So they’re both smiling and laughing, and I go grab my camera out of the kitchen, which took approximately two seconds, literally. My husband was in the kitchen at the time so he came to see the cuteness, too.
I got a really nice picture out of it, with both of them smiling for the camera (which is highly unusual), so I put it up on Facebook with some lame joke about Daughter helping me with the laundry. Got a bunch of “likes” and a few funny comments.
Last night, my husband called his Mom about something unrelated, and we discover his side of the family is freaking out. Like, really upset. They say it’s very dangerous to let our kids play in the dryer, and that he could have been killed or maimed, and that we were being irresponsible parents to let it happen. Ask (order) us to take it down off Facebook.
Husband and I discuss it, and we both agree that they’re way overreacting. We were both right there the whole time, it’s not like we let them do it all the time, etc. Of course I wouldn’t let my kids play with the appliances as a regular thing, but for this one time I didn’t see the big deal.
We ended up taking the picture off of Facebook just as a pick-your-battles, keep-peace-in-the-family kind of thing.
Anyhoo, is there some big history of kids getting killed by the evil dryers out there that I’m unaware of? Were we way out of line? Or are my in-laws getting all worked up over nothing?
I think they’re overreacting however here is how the thought process goes.
Kids think playing the dryer is fun. You are not watching kids and they go there to play alone (or together). Door gets shut and kid is trapped. Somehow dryer gets turned on and kid is beaten and heated to death.
So, when dryer is not in use keep the door shut. Kids young enough to try something this silly are unlikely to be able to open it on their own. Also if the laundry room has a door keep that shut too. Problem solved!
I think they have a point, but they are overboard in how they’re communicating it. I would never let small kids think it was okay to climb inside something that could lock them in (e.g., a fridge, a dryer). It’s not about when they’re there in front of you. It’s that couple of minutes when you’re looking the other way in a different room.
That said, freaking out and demanding you take the picture down seems a bit overwrought. I would probably have mentioned it, but in a “word to the wise” sort of way. None of us handled every situation perfectly as parents–I like to save my shrieking outrage for people who deliberately harm, not for stuff like this.
Your in-laws are overreacting. The only danger I could see would be if the baby got in there when nobody was watching and closed the door on himself, but nothing like that happened. He wasn’t in any danger.
Don’t take it off facebook. They’re being hysterical idiots.
Are they often interfering and controlling like this?
One thing I forgot to mention: we have two cats who both love to get in the dryer any chance they get. So I already do my best to keep the dryer door shut, and the laundry room door shut, and am absolutely paranoid about double checking it before I push the start button.
From an overly cautious/legal point of view, such a picture could possibly prompt a visit from Child Protective Services or the functional equivalent thereof where you are. That can lead to a lot of unnecessary hassle.
Social sites, like Facebook, are becoming increasingly useful in various aspects of legal situations. I live in a place that may as well be Mayberry, yet I see things posted on Facebook come up all the time in divorce/custody cases. Word to the wise, anything you post on the web is out of your control. It can bite you in the ass. Think before you post.
I remember playing “astronaut” in the dryer when I was around three. Nowhere near 50lbs by then, but yes, it turned. My brothers and sisters were old enough to know to use the “fluff” cycle, but not old enough to know that putting a toddler in the dryer was a really bad idea. (To their credit, hey were careful to instruct me to hold on tight.)
Yes, several children have in fact been killed in clothes dryers.
Some of these were murders. Suffice it to say that the stories are as horrifying as you think. (Unless you’re one of the “black humor” champions here, in which case I can’t say how funny you’ll find them.)
But how is the absolute BEST way to traumatize the fuck out of a child?
Have one of their adult authority figures freak out and force them to freak out along with.
Seen it too many times. Kid falls down or runs into something and gets hurt. Cries a little, gets up and continues on his merry way. Or, stops and looks at mom, who freaks the fuck out and runs over screaming and grabbing at child; at which point the child is confused, scared and freaked out too and thus, is traumatized by something that, on his own, would be “oh well, moving on…”.
It is a great ‘teachable moment’, to say (calmly and smiling) “Hey, this cute and all, but the dryer is dangerous, and if you ge trapped in there, you can’t get out. So NEVER play in the dryer, ok? We don’t want anyone to get hurt by it.”
I honestly think you made a pretty bad call. Eighteen months and three years are just too young to understand 'This is funny for the picture, but not ok". You’ve made “put little brother in the dryer” an fun game–a mom approved game–and who’s to say they won’t play it again, perhaps when you aren’t watching.
Being super careful about always closing the door and checking before you turn it on is a bit of a red herring, because your daughter is old enough to open the door, and the risk isn’t that you will turn on the dryer with your son in it–it’s that she’ll close him up in there and wander off, or, god forbid, manage to turn it on.
I wouldn’t have freaked out when the incident occurred–just pulled the boy out and said “no”–but going and getting your husband to see and taking a picture really reinforces this as a new fun game.
I think the cause for concern is not so much the baby will get hurt with you standing right there, but that you’re giving the 3 year old a TON of approval for doing something she should actually never, ever do.
Toddlers LOVE reversals (things not quite as they’re supposed to be) so of course the 3 year old thought it was funny. But you don’t want to go from that to thinking it’s really okay to put the baby in the dryer. You can’t assume a little kid understands intuitively it’s not a good idea. As far as predicting cause & effect go, a 3 year old only grasps it on a very concrete level. They cannot in any way understand that baby-in-the-dryer could be incredibly dangerous with only a slight change in circumstances. They do understand that mommy thought it was wonderful.
It doesn’t seem like a great idea. I do understand wackaloo inlaws, but I think they may have a small point here.
Any sort of appliance is potentially very dangerous and I would be reluctant to let my little guy think it was ok to play in one/on one/near one/ for fun.
I too feel kids should not be encouraged to think of the dryer as something to play with.
That said, I get more and more of a feeling these days that keeping kids safe is more about feeling and demonstrating superiority to others, than it is about keeping kids safe.
Okay, so general consensus is that they had a point. Expressed it a bit too strongly, but had a point. Got it.
FWIW, we did have a chat with our daughter afterwards about how, this is okay this one time since we’re here, but never, ever do it when we’re not. She seemed to get it. And “shutting the door on baby brother is NOT OKAY” is a well-known and pretty much obeyed rule in our house since she went through a phase when she thought it was fun to shut him in my closet, in his room, in daddy’s closet, etc. Of course, I understand that she’s three and therefore could easily forget this rule, so I’m not complacent about it.
And if son ever tries to crawl in again, he’ll be shooed away with a “no-no.” This has never not been the case, but I can see how someone, only seeing the picture, might not get that. It’s a context thing.
Shoot…there goes our “perfect parents” award for the year. We were so close!
