Nàutri, li bon Prouvençau,
Au sufrage universau
Voutaren pèr l’òli
E faren l’aiòli.
[according to Wikipedia, he was dissing mayonnaise]
Who is he? (Who was dissing mayonnaise?)
you forgot the beer or wine to go with them 
Sorry; it was Nobel-Prize winner Frederi Mistral, champion of all things Provençal (including, evidently, aioli).
One thing I’ve learned from this thread is that people put sauces on sandwiches not just because they like the flavor, but because they want their sandwich to be all nasty and gloopy. Huh. I guess it takes all kinds.
Whoa! You may put sauce on it, but, in my opinion, if it is nasty and gloopy, it is not a proper sandwich.
Errr, the amount of sauce i find “nasty and gloopy” may be an outlier.
Which is exactly what I don’t want.
Yep- their own version of 1000 Island dressing.
Yeah, different individuals calibrate the gloopiness scale VERY differently, and one person’s threshold of “nasty” may be another person’s “still way too dry”.
Yes, until reading this thread, it never occurred to me that a sandwich could be “too dry”.
If I heat a sandwich and it has cheese, then I use no condiments, unless it is sauerkraut.
On cold sandwiches, I also like mustard, and I make my own mustard, which is rather potent. I almost never eat burgers, although I do make shrimp burgers from time to time and have them with lettuce and tartar sauce. I make the tartar sauce with dill pickles - never anything sweet. If I did have a hamburger, I would add mustard to it, but I would want it on a sourdough bun - I hate the squishy buns sold in the grocery stores.
I do also like mayo on a BLT, but I associate Madeleines with Proust instead of BLT. Maybe I missed something. I have a silicon Madeleine pan, and I use it to make chocolate turtles.
I was talking about a Proustian memory, something from your childhood that you like because it made you happy back then.
I’m in 100% agreement with the OP. There really aren’t any condiments I can stand, other than bbq sauce or something spicy like sriracha. It’s not as much of a drag these days to get a plain sandwich as it was for most of my life, but I still don’t have anything to eat if, for instance, we have a catered lunch at work with a sandwich tray. Heaven forbid they put the mayo and mustard and whatever in separate packages. Doesn’t matter anyway, because everything always has to have cheese 
That’s why I don’t eat fast food burgers, despite really liking hamburgers in general. Once you eliminate the condiments you’re left with a paper thin patty. Same with sandwich shops.
Oh, so that’s what your expression means. Learned something today.
For me, the ideal burger patty is of the “industrial” kind, but the kind you get at diners, better greasy spoons (so not at McD) or that people will typically buy in the supermarket to barbecue themselves. Packed tight, and neither too thin (as in a typical fast food restaurant like McD) nor too thick (as in a “gourmet burger”).
Today was opening day of live racing at my local track, and as usual, there was a beer garden with an outdoor grill. The grill sells hot dogs, big smoky sausages, and burgers. If you order a burger (or really, anything), it is given to you plain. Unless you order a cheeseburger, of course, in which case you get cheese. Anything else, you put it on yourself. Mustard, relish, and ketchup are available, but no onions, pickles, tomatoes, sauerkraut, or mayo. In other words, you can have a plain burger if you want one.
I had one of those Big Smokies when I was at the track today. Yes, I put mustard and relish on it. And it was so goooood!