Hooray! Another season of TAR! We start with a bang – two hours, multiple clues, multiple teams, jockying for position, minimum bunching, and a footrace to the finish line. And no Jonathon. What’s not to like? And just like lightning presages thunder and a trip to Tijuana presages waking up in an alley with a hangover and no pants, this first episode presages the first
Taxi Assessment
Stuck in the Desert and Officially Detained - or, Philiminated with extreme prejudice.
Ryan/Chuck - Well, somebody had to be eliminated first. And this season, those somebodies were our favorite team from South Carolina. Well, the only team from South Carolina, but you get my point. I’m not exactly sure what happened to these guys – they certainly chose the wrong Detour, which didn’t help, but that doesn’t completely explain their last place showing. They seemed to slowly hemorrhage time from the airport all the way to the Pit Stop, bleeding enough to wind up last. Maybe they really are more comfortable on tractors.
Flat Tire - or, not likely to get anywhere soon.
Meredith/Gretchen - A reasonable, middle-of-the-pack sixth place finish this episode… but, c’mon. This is the Obligitory Old Couple, and The Obligitory Old Couple always drops wheezing to the side early in the game. It’s a young person’s race after all. Meredith and Gretchen might hang around for a few episodes, as mental mistakes weed out some of the other teams, but ultimately they’re toast.
Megan/Heidi - Speaking of mental mistakes… Uh, like, who cares about reading the times on each of the sand piles before committing to one? Reading is for losers! Oh, man, let me point out that this team was certainly not cast for their superior mental abilities. Will they get eliminated early? Hah! Is silicone jiggly?
Stopping for Gas - or, not broken-down, exactly, but not a good sign.
Ray/Deana - Ah, yes. Angling for the “dysfunctional relationship” casting slot. Ho hum. I guess I don’t see this team as having enough racing savvy to overcome interpersonal problems. I mean, they’re afraid to start looking around downtown Lima for a bus. In the middle of the day. This is the Amazing Race, people, not the Ordinary Race where you just tour around your neighborhood on motorized skateboard. Show some initiative.
Ron/Kelly - Not a good leg at all for this team; they were five seconds from being the first team eliminated. And beauty pageant queens do so well on this show, too; you’d think that with the sprinkling of military tactics that Ron brings to the table, this team ought to be unbeatable. Like Ryan and Chuck, I’m not exactly sure how this team got so far behind. Is this week’s placing a fluke, or is this team a pair of stumblebums?
Hey, Homes! - or, making meaningless ineffectual comments from the back seat, but in no immediate danger. Also the category for racers without the screentime to showcase their skillz. Or lack thereof.
Brian/Greg - Um, who? In general, this first episode seemed to do a good job of showing us all the teams, but I just don’t remember much about them, other than various shots of them standing around looking indistinguishible. Still, this show favors young male teams, and Brian and Greg did land a fourth place spot, so barring a crash-and-burn mistake look for them to move up in the rankings.
Lynn/Alex - Another relatively young all male team – and I do remember that these guys are the gay ones. It looks like they’re having fun and have a good relationship, so they might be moving up, but we’ll see.
Uchenna/Joyce - This team had dropped way behind at one point, but battled back to pull out an eighth place finish, well ahead of the last three. Not to rely too heavily on parallel, but Chip and Kim of TAR5 spent a few legs in the back of the pack before surging ahead and eventually winning it all. Uchenna and Joyce seem similar – not just because they’re Black, but because they’re a bit older, married, and seem capable of learning from their mistakes.
In the Passing Lane - or, ahead of the pack, but not quite comfortably.
Susan/Patrick - A second place finish, and this team seems competent enough. I can’t quite escape the nagging feeling that they got a boost tagging along with Debbie and Bianca, but time will tell. Meanwhile, I’m rating them as a solid Passing Lane. Patrick, though… what’s your obsession with taking down Amazon Rob? Dude, this isn’t Survivor – you don’t vote out your opponents, you outrace them. If Rob can figure that out, you ought to be able to. Sheesh.
Cruisin’ with Earl - or, drivin’ on the shoulder, takin’ shortcuts, and generally kickin’ butt.
Debbie/Bianca - Hey, a competant all-girl team! That’s a surprise. Let’s hope next episode’s Roadblock isn’t unrolling haybales. Seriously, a solid first place win in the first episode bodes well. Plus… fluent in Spanish? Gosh, who woulda thunk such an esoteric skill would come in handy on a show like the Amazing Race? Hooray for thinking ahead and being Hispanic. A late-race Detour switch didn’t hurt them, luckily, although we’ve seen teams previously get burned by that – so watch out. And, incongruously, what was up with lying to Ron and Kelly about the sand pile times? I see no upside to that this early in the race, and a heavy potential downside, especially with Yields ahead on every leg.
Rob/Amber - A third place, but good teamwork and excellent race strategy. They picked the correct Detour, unlike the other two top-three teams. The local guide was a lucky break, but also a seized opportunity. Good work on Rob with pushing the van out of the way (but… Rob? The next reality show you’re on, figure out how keys work before the first episode). If Amber can pull her weight (hah! joke!) I see this team going far.
[sub]Props to Mullinator and his Raj Ratings.[/sub]
Allison gained her fame by being on Big Brother, not Survivor.