The “three strikes and you’re out” rule on the Warped Wall does not apply on timed stages. Since you are counting “timed out” separately from failing an obstacle, then it’s pretty much impossible for anyone to go out on the Warped Wall in Stage 1.
The only person I’ve ever seen go out on warped wall (as I would credit it) is Meghan Martin, the first time she got there. Yes she timed out, but she had already taken several shots at the wall and failed miserably, never even getting close. It felt to me like if she had unlimited time for the course, she still wouldn’t have made it up the wall. (She needed a longer run-up at that time.)
The only reason I counted “timed out” separately was because several named guys had no trouble with any particular obstacle, but just overall went too slow and timed out while easily climbing up the cargo net. It seemed wrong to credit the cargo net with knocking them out since they had no trouble with it, as opposed to the guys who fell in the water because they couldn’t jump to the net.
But yeah, your point stands.
Ellis Dee - Geez, is this where we’re at now? “I don’t see nuttin’, therefore everyone should see nuttin’!” Do you really think that’s how we discuss things on the SDMB? Did you teach at my high school or something?
Anyway, just a little heads-up. Since I know how popular my team event recaps are on here, I’m going to take the liberty of doing one for the final day. Mostly I want something we can refer back to in the future because this event seems to be at a turning point. A lot of old favorites have gone down hard, prelims are slowly backing away from upperbodyageddon, and Stage 2 looks like it could be either an exciting thrill ride or a crushing massacre. Is NBC more willing to accept no total victory now that there’s a definite prize? Are the fresh faces ready for the unforgiving difficulty of the remaining contest? Will there be near-disaster on the underwater obstacle? And most importantly, will I be able to tell for sure that it ain’t happening this year just by looking a the clock? We’re definitely in unfamiliar territory, and what happens the rest of the way could set the stage for the next two, five, or even twenty years. I’m thinking that this crop isn’t quite ready for primetime and it’s going to be another very short Stage 3, but like hell I’m being so foolhardy as to make a prediction.
Oh, if-I-were-a-betting-man pick: Drew Dreschel. Always a clutch performer. If anyone can make Geoff Britten and Joe Moravsky cry even harder, he can. 
I’m going to watch it with my wife. she cares less than I do, so she’ll handle all the fast forwarding while I look at the wall, so I won’t be able to see how close we are to the end of the episode.
Alternatively, you could ask someone to modify your recording settings and add a bunch of time at the beginning and the end, but without telling you precisely how much time is added.
I never said that there was nothing to be annoyed about with the show. Just that your overreactions to the small annoyances are blown way out of proportion. Like, way, way out of proportion. That’s all I’m saying.
Though some of the things that seemed to piss you off are indeed flat-out wrong / made up, like how you thought eating cooked scorpions was a health risk.
Back to the event, I look forward to your recap of the final night; I always enjoyed your team recaps.
I started watching in season 4. At that point, no American had ever made it past the cliffhanger. That year, Brent Steffenson did.
And now we’ve come full circle… season 10, no one makes it past the (much much harder) cliffhanger. So brutal.
SHOCKED to see Daniel Gil go out so early. And how bad do you have to feel for Najee? Geez…
Does the end result remind anyone else of Geoff and Isaac? Sean hit more buzzers than Drew did, went exactly as far as Drew did, but Drew got 100k and Sean got nothing because Drew did it faster. And Drew admitted in the post-run interview that he was rushing because he knew the time he needed to beat, since Sean went first.
A huge advantage, but one that Drew earned fair and square by completing Stage 2 faster.
I don’t feel it was unfair or misleading the way it was with Geoff Britten, no. The controversy there was that all we’d ever heard for years was “Conquer stage 4, win $1 million.” So when he conquered Stage 4 and got nothing, that felt super wrong.
By contrast, before this event happened, they very clearly explained that “the farthest the fastest” was the measure, so no surprises. Also, “the farthest the fastest” is longstanding tradition in ANW, so it doesn’t feel wrong at all.
Sort of like in qualifiers and city finals: Imagine Bryan hit the buzzer in qualifying, Dreschel did not but advanced to city finals by finishing in the top 30. Then they end up finishing city finals with Dreschel in 15 and Bryan in 16, both having failed on the 7th obstacle but Dreschel getting to it faster. In that hypothetical, Dreschel advancing and Bryan going home would seem perfectly fine and proper, even though Bryan got just as far and hit more buzzers. Same deal here, at least IMO.
That hypothetical makes sense. And yeah, I wasn’t really sure how to word my post. I wouldn’t equate them, because you’re right, one was misleading and the other wasn’t. But it reminded me of it in the sense that, well, when the last two men standing both go down on the same obstacle at the same spot, it feels like a tie, especially in comparison to last year when Joe went a good deal farther than the other guys who made it to stage 3. But unlike in season 7, I feel like everyone is happy with this outcome because Drew was the crowd favorite.
I’m definitely of two minds about the $100K thing.
On the one hand, someone like Drew has devoted incredible amounts of his life to training for ANW, and it certainly doesn’t seem like a miscarriage of justice to rewards him for it.
On the other hand, part of the appeal of ANW has always been its absolutely brutal reward system, where either you win or you don’t.
And this also means that there’s ALWAYS an incentive for ninjas to cheer against each other, even if Sean Bryan is too classy to do so on TV.
I’d much prefer something like:
-If someone beats stage 4, then $1M is split among all stage 4 finishers, with larger amounts going to whoever did it faster
-If no one beats stage 4, then $250K is split among everyone who attempted stage 4
-If no one attempted stage 4, then $100K is split among all who attempted stage 3, with larger amounts going to whoever went furthest fastest
Good thinking. I like this idea much better.
EDIT: It doesn’t really help with the incentive issue all that much, but I still like it better. Imagine the first guy attempts Stage 3 and fails on the cliffhanger. He now has a pretty strong incentive to root against anyone else completing Stage 3. But still, I like it more than “winner take all,” which is kind of anathema to the cooperative spirit of ANW competitors.
If we’re spitballing reward schemes, though, I think I’d rather see purses like in golf or tennis:
$750 to anyone who finishes in the top 30 (or completes the course) in city qualifiers
- 6 cities * 30 qualifiers * $750 = $135,000
$1000 to anyone who finishes in the top 15 (or completes the course) in city finals
- 6 cities * 15 finalists * $1000 = $90,000
$10,000 to anyone who completes Stage 1
- 20-ish, maybe? = $200,000
$25,000 to anyone who completes Stage 2
- 6-ish, maybe? = $150,000
$100,000 to anyone who completes Stage 3
$250,000 to anyone who completes Stage 4
The first issue I noticed is the women’s affirmative action bracket, so I added wording to explicitly reward only the top competitors.
This would obviously be more expensive, but you could ditch the mega-wall to save around $100,000. It’s clunky and inelegant anyway.
For every season you’re looking at $225,000 to pay out the guarantees of city qualifiers and city finals. (And you don’t need to publicize these numbers, much like how Survivor awards purses of descending value to everyone based on how they finished, but you only ever hear them talk about the $1 million to the winner.)
For Vegas, you’d be looking at essentially paying out $1 million, so it’s roughly the same as Survivor or The Amazing Race when you factor in all the purses. Maybe cut Stage 3 & 4 prizes down to $50k and $100k to bring the total payout down to the level of Big Brother, which is more in line with the ratings for ANW.
I would prefer something like this if they’re going to go the route of rewards schemes for anything less than Total Victory. As I stated way back in the OP, the thing I love about ANW is that I can cheer for everybody. I get super excited just to see somebody make it further than they did before. And as pointed out, a big part of the joy of ANW is that the competitors can also cheer for each other freely as there’s nothing directly on the line until Stage 4.
I suppose the fear for NBC is that they accidentally make a season too easy and have an accidental big payout. Or rather the inverse, suddenly they might be so cautious of making it too easy that they make it even more brutally hard than normal.
I’m sure there’s a balance point between ensuring they never have too much in payouts and the spirit of the competition.
Edit: Ninja Warrior Australia has an interesting system. The payout for beating Stage 4 is AUS$100,000; however, every year it is unclaimed it gets rolled into the next year. So kind of like a jackpot. I don’t like this version because there’s very good reason to cheer against your competitors once you’re out.
Once again I could tell niether guy was going to finish stage 3 by looking at my watch.
Yes I feel bad for Najee who would have finished stage 2 given 10 more seconds…
Brian
Then… don’t look at your watch?
Seriously, I see why this is frustrating, but this seems nearly impossible for the producers to control without doing something really odd or silly.
I asked my wife to do all the fast forwarding for me, while I was looking away from the screen so I couldn’t see the little bar, and I had no idea how much time was left.
[Tried to finish this yesterday, but was too utterly wasted from work. Off today.]
Split into two parts becaues it’s really freaking long! Consider yourselves warned!
DISCLAIMER: I’m sorry if I didn’t make this clear before, but I don’t mind in the slightest when I can predict the finish by how much time there is remaining. The journey matters as much as the destination to me, and especially where reality TV is concerned, who wins matters much less (when it matters at all) than the show they’re going to put on for me. If ANW is concerned about spoilers, they can put in a postgame show. I’ve mentioned that enough times.
Well, this is it. After fourteen weeks of kid this and giant that and crazy this and fantastic four that and punched his ticket this and what’s your excuse that and cold weather this and support the troops that and kidney donation this and dear departed parent that and dance dance dance dance dance this and inspirational that and beard bet this and food that makes bittermelon look like ambrosia that and no shoes no shirt no problem this and fullleyyyyinnnng that…I am just COMPLETELY worn out by what this show has become. Hell, Stage 1, which I used to be able to count on being the point where it got serious, is just another flavor of glurge now. Remember when I found “bee daah waww” the most irritating thing? I barely even notice anymore. I’m just so drained right now (and my recent work experience certainly hasn’t helped). I’d been meaning to a recap of a final episode for a few seasons now, but mostly I want to see if this truly is the point of no return. Will Stages 2-3 recapture the excitement and competitive thrill of seasons past, or will it be the next sacrifice to the voracious vortex of pretense and insufferability that is Reality Television?
Here we go.
0:00 - We begin with the usual montage of competitors and clips. “Pushing themselves to their limits and beyond.” “Their journeys are unique, but the goal remains the same.” Lovely, all the cliches with none of the prestige. Let’s just skip to the intro…
0:02 - Bodge: “One mistake and it’s all over.” Let’s skip a bit further… (On a side note, anyone else find that game show dollar-figure-zooming-into-the screen thing royally stupid? As if they shove it in our faces enough, we’ll just forget that nobody has any realistic shot at it.)
0:03 - Our first look at the Stage 2 course. Epic Catch and Release is a simple looking lock-and-unlock task with two short poles with no lateral movement; definitely less problematic than Rope Jungle. Criss Cross Salmon Ladder is the same as before, a test of strength and agility. Deja Vu, one of the two new ones, is a tricky one; they have to swing one bar under the other, then swing the second below the first, and the first swing is backwards. Swing Surfer is a routine jump-swing-and-jump that doesn’t look to play any real factor. Wingnut Alley is also the same as before; it requires plenty of arm strength and composure for the two direction changes. Water Walls is the much-hyped underwater test. They don’t have to hold their breath the whole time, but the transitions are all underwater and they can’t spend too much time catching their breath.
This is a big switchup from previous seasons, and more than anything it points to the folly of practicing on “the actual obstacles” in the hopes of “being prepared”. You can’t prepare for Stage 2, because the producers know what’s in those gyms and have plenty of imagination and budget to throw you a curveball. What, you thought all they had was Kevin Carbone? No matter how much stuff you build, no matter how much tape you watch, the producers have all the resources and will always be a step ahead of you.
0:05 - Contestant #1 of 30, Josh Salinas, your time is now. He really wants the million because he’s about to get married. You know what, call me cynical (“Cynical? You, DKW? Perish the thought!” :D), but if your financial prospects depend on winning a hypercheesy reality show designed to be nearly impossible, maybe put off Societally Acceptable True Happiness As Defined By Out-Of-Touch Old White Guys and get a job first? His fiancee makes lots of irritating screams in his preview. I really, really, really hate having to listen to women screaming on reality TV. :mad:
Dang, four and a half minutes? Isn’t the point of Stages 1 & 2 that they have to go fast? This is a lot closer to siffies than stage 1. I have some idea of why NBC did this (more crowd shots, more playing to the crowd, more faffery in general), but given that they have 30 competitors to run through tonight, this looks like a dubious move.
Salinas methodically works his way through the first two obstacles. On to the difficult to understand, even more difficult to execute properly Deja Vu. Ooh, very good execution for a first-timer! Swing Surfer is no problem, of course, so it’s on to the crusher of dreams, Wingnut Alley. Bodge points out that it took out 25 competitors last year. First transition, no problem. Second, first directional change…got it. Third, second directional ch…no chance, his hands give out and he drops off the third nut. He manages to smile in the end because “I made it one farther,” and I’m not looking forward to seeing how completely crushed he’s going to be the year he goes out far early than the previous year. Yes, I saw what happened to Joe Moravsky too.
Aaaaand cut to commercial!
0:13 - Aaaaand after the freaking first run of the night, it’s our first waiweewuwwawei of the night! We see glimpses of Nicholas Coolridge (went down on Criss Cross Salmon Ladder), Tyler Gillett (Deja Vu), and Casey Suchocki (Deja Vu).
Eyes mentions for the first time that for the first time ever, the top finisher receives $100,000 if he doesn’t get Total Victory, which of course he won’t. Given that prizes on ANW are common knowledge and pushed very heavily (remember how “$10,000” got shoved in your face each time someone conquered the Mega Wall?), that puts the nail in the coffin to the idea that the top finisher in each siffie gets anything. Now that I think about it, I’m not entire sure the Pom Wonderful Crazy Healthy Run of the Night did either, although I’m pretty sure there was something (a crate of juice, perhaps). All right, this is just idle speculation, but you think that if Brian Arnold won it all in ’14…the last year before the prize went from half a million to a full million…NBC wouldn’t be such shocking tightwads and we could have at least a semblance of a proper prize structure? Arnold was a monster who had the ANW of his life that year. Had he won it all, NBC could very well have hailed it as the one shining moment of a phenomenal athlete and seen the $500,000 as a small price to pay for his services. Instead, we get Isaac Caldiero and Geoff Britten going all the way to the top in ’15 and being out a cool mil just like that (and it would’ve been two mil if they didn’t have the foresight to be grossly unfair and willing to royally screw someone over forever and ever :mad:). They overreacted big time in ’16, and the overarching mandate seems to be “Don’t let anyone win again!” It took a huge outcry to even get this token $100,000 prize, and I don’t see things improving anytime soon.
0:15 - “I’M HERE FOR DANIEL GIL” sign. And conveniently enough, he has run #5 tonight. Tale of the tape says that he’s the first ever to go up the Mega Wall, which he will always have, unlike the paltry $10,000 he got for that feat. Bodge cannot stop yakking about his goddam hair. Eyes calls him the “Kingdom Ninja”; if this becomes a thing, I’m referring to him as “Dag” from now on.
OKAY, TIME OUT - What is up with all these four-syllable nicknames? “Cowboy Ninja.” “Sparkly Ninja.” “The Godfather.” “Real Life Ninja.” A nickname should be concise. That’s the point. Why do you think I never go above two? I can forgive “Captain NBC” because 1. It’s more a persona than something you’re supposed to refer him as on a regular basis, but mostly 2. the announcers don’t call him that on a regular basis.
On Criss Cross Salmon Ladder, Bodge points out that “he’s finished every course he faced” this particular season, which comes across as less a jinx as a cry for help. No miracle this year, alas, as he messes up an unhooking on Deja Vu and goes down. A ton of ability and just can never get over the hump.
Quick montage of Joe Moravsky, Ian Dory, and Kevin Bull’s exits. Sasuke has never respected anybody, but for some reason a lot of people seem to be taking it especially hard this season.
Cut to commercial!
0:22 - Quick repeat of Isaac Caldiero’s run. He’s in the stands tonight, but let’s be honest, that’s kind of like getting a parking ticket after winning freaking Powerball. Waiweewuwwawei for Chris Wilczewski. Hey, did you know that he missed out on ’17 because he nearly drowned in Lake Michigan and was too traumatized to compete? Also, he had the fastest time in Philadelphia siffies, and that and hitting the Mega Wall buzzer is worth $10,000! (Seriously, stop making a big deal out of siffies times. No one cares.) Sadly, Wingnut Alley wouldn’t fall so easily; he didn’t even come close to making the first leap.
Jake Murray (#7) is up, and since everything about him and how the announcers eat up his crap completely sickens me, I think I’ll just skip…oh. Oh. Oh my goodness. This is bad. On the first obstacle (Epic Catch And Release! :)), he misses the first lockup. And misses again. And again. And again. It takes FIVE attempts to complete the very first task. He’s on to the second pole and…can’t unlock it! He succeeds on the third tug, but almost immediately loses the handle and falls. The fastest finisher on Stage 1 leaves Stage 2 with a no-result!
On to our first rookie, R.J. Roman (#8). He has vitiligo. And got bullied as a kid for it.
OKAY, TIME OUT - Why does anyone feel the need to point this out? Our education system is a crying joke! The level of crap that slimeball gutter trash punk kids get away with is downright criminal! The way parents are teachers turn a blind eye to the constant chaos and injustice happening right in front of their eyes is a travesty! (Stop me if you’ve heard this before!) Childhood sucks and parents and teachers are complete wastes of oxygen! We know! We freaking know! In other news, referees are crooked and black men get murdered by cops! Sheesh!
He blows a kiss just before Wingnut Alley, and I still don’t like the fact that there’s enough time for that on Stage 2. Big save on first transition, can’t nail down the second.
Cut to commercial!
0:35 - Damn, we’re on a snail’s pace tonight. Things are not looking good at all for Stage 3. I remember ’14 where something like six men made it, and we got treated to a thrilling dogfight before it capped off with Brian Arnold’s oh-so-close. Getting the feeling that this time around isn’t going to be anywhere near that good.
3WA for Lucas Reale (Criss Cross Salmon Ladder), Dan Polizzi (Deja Vu), and Josh Levin (Wingnut Alley, third transition).
At #12 is Najee Richardson. He has asthma, which the announcers play up, because there’s nothing more considerate than telling viewers at home with medical conditions that they’re useless scum if they don’t compete on an insanely difficult reality show competition that pays jack squat. :rolleyes: He’s working hard, needing to pause for breath several times. A few close calls, but stays out of the water. He takes a long time to get ready for Wingnut Alley; he has 2:13 by the time he begins. One transition…good. Two…good. Three…taking a while, looks to be struggling…got it! He’s the first competitor tonight to Water Walls; he has about 1:25 left. The first is a lateral slide. He can’t do it in one breath. Has to try again. 52 seconds by the time he’s through. Next is a vertical lift. Has to do it one-handed to keep his head above water. Struggling. He has it and is through at 35…no, he needs another breath. 18 left by the time he’s at the third wall, a crank-up. He’s breathing really hard. His hands are on the crank. He’s…lifting the wall…AND HE’S THROUGH…but that’s it, no more time. On a Stage which gave him four and a half minutes, he was no more than ten seconds from success.
And of course that’s far too much genuine drama for ANW these days, so cut to commercial!
0:48 - 3WA for Angel Rodriguez (Criss Cross Salmon Ladder), Mike Murray (Deja Vu), and Karson Voiles (Wingnut Alley, first transition). Voiles is absolutely exasperated. “Can’t believe it, the exact same spot. Three years in a row, dude?”
Eyes says that we’ve seen 15 of our 30 competitors, which is the exact same number I have, and thank heavens for small favors, I guess. #16 is a young ‘un who’s been making some noise lately, Mathis “Cougar” Owhadi, and I remind everyone that the only thing I refuse to use more than an irritating forced nickname is an irritating forced nickname with a shelf life. Eyes also points out that he’s a perfect 3 for 3 this season, and yeah, definite cry for help. Anyway, he survives a couple close calls on Deja Vu before he misses the second transition on Wingnut Alley.
And geez The Voice doesn’t have this many damn commercials.
0:59 - Eyes gives an update on Deja Vu, which is turning out to be a real stumbling block tonight. For the next 3WA, all three competitors went out on it, Thomas Stillings, Mike Meyers, and Hunter Guerard. There’s a white “6” on a black field in the upper right, and it’s replaced by a “7” and “8” with a conspicuous “tink” sound after we see Meyers and Guerard’s splashes. Naturally, I object pretty strongly to this pointlessly corny display…I don’t think it’s corny ENOUGH. If you’re going to be corny, go all out! This is reality TV, dangit! Have sparkly effects, spinning all over the screen, horns, sirens, boinging effects! Go full-burner America’s Funniest Home Videos! It’s the closest thing to entertainment we’ll probably have all evening!
Shot of Design God Kevin Carbone, who came up with Deja Vu in addition to Wingnut Alley. I have the feeling he is going to be pretty unpopular after tonight.
#20 is Sean Bryan. I don’t like “Papal Ninja” for multiple reasons (including that four-syllable thing); I’m leaning toward “Pain” for a nickname, and having grown up in a Catholic environment, I think it fits. I’ll have something definite by the next Ninja vs. Ninja.
OKAY, TIME OUT - Isn’t it funny that not only do we have next to no details about what this guy actually does for a living, he never once mentions “God” or “Jesus” or “the Holy Spirit” or whatever in an interview? There are basketball players who can’t get through a freaking 40-point stomping of an early-season nonconference doormat without giving thanks to the almighty protector blah blah etc. Catholicism is the loudest, most militant, most cast-in-titanium, most screaming in your face institution in the goddam world. If he is at serious about it, as opposed to being forced to go to Church by his parents or sent to Catholic school because it’s the only one where he won’t be subject felony assault freaking daily, he should be spouting the good word every chance he gets, and ANW is a big platform now. And so far, there’s been…nothing. Heck, I think Jamie Rahn’s preached harder than him. So, that being the case…why point out is papalapalippity at all? It’s like saying that Meagan Martin has darkish skin or Jake Murray is a 15-handicap. No. Relevance. And if ANW is trying to avoid a certain icky aspect, e.g. Bryan doesn’t think priests molesting young boys is that big a deal, all the more reason to just not bring it up.
Anyway…looking good…looking good…looking really good…and he’s got it! 
We will have a Stage 3, folks! I was honestly starting to get a teensy bit worried there!
1:07 - So of course, it’s yet another commercial break, but we’re going to see another run concurrent with it, Zach Day (#21). This episode has definitely taken a turn for the better!
Aaaaaaand, of course NBC has to ruin it with that Emmy promo.
OKAY, TIME OUT - Why, why, why why why why why are there so many goddam screaming women on TV lately? Why does ANW need so many screaming women? Who likes the sound of screaming women? How do screaming women help ratings? What narrative, dramatic, or comedic purpose is served by screaming women? Am I truly the only person on the planet who doesn’t find screaming women a lovely display of energy and healthy enthusiasm and more like a pneumatic drill directly to my temple? Can we at least have some screaming men as counterbalance? (Ryan Stratis and Chris Wilczewski can’t carry the load all by themselves, you know.)
Okay, obligatory unfunny Banana Boat Song knockoff, obligatory unfunny Banana Boat Song knockoff. Here goes. Daaaay down! Day-ay-ay down!..and that’s enough of that crap as I’m willing to put up with.
Moving on. Challenger #22, Adam Rayl. A short night for him as he messes up a jump on Criss Cross Salmon Ladder. Eyes mentions that he was one of the favorites to win it all, which is why you don’t set high expectations, idiots.
#23, Austin Gray, who, you’ll remember…
OKAY, TIME OUT - Really? Really, NBC? Freaking really?? You’re painting his recovery from donating a kidney as a tragedy?? **He chose to donate that kidney! He was 100% in control of that decision! He knew what the risks were! He went in with his eyes open and at any time could have…**damn, I’d better stop before I need a new kidney…
(And on top of that, once again I must ask, how long is NBC going to milk it? We know literally nothing else about him. Again, Kevin Bull raising alopecia awareness has far-reaching long-term consequences; this is a story that has legs. “I made a sacrifice that one time” does not. There’s no sympathy for one-hit wonders in this world. It’s great what he did, but it’s going to get extremely old extremely fast unless NBC finds something to move on to.)
Didn’t have much left after Criss Cross Salmon Ladder, leading to a quick drop on Deja Vu. And, commercial.
1:20 - With the show two-thirds over and seven competitors yet to go, we have a recap. Yeah, no miracle this year. 
Another 3-man 3WA, and since the first is Eric Middleton, that means we’re going to see all the hideous vermin he forced the announcers to choke down over the past three rounds, so Imma gonna fast forward to something actually watchable.
OKAY, TIME OUT - No. Don’t even bother. Don’t spit in my face and tell me the tropical storm hit early. Eyes and Bodge eating horrible crap is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen on this show, and given all the crowd shots, that’s saying a lot. If they absolutely needed to do something like this, it should’ve happened off-camera. I want infantile elementary school dares, I’ll volunteer at an elementary school. This has no place on ANW. None, none at all, none, none, none.
Okay, I believe Jamie Rahn is #27. Replay of his very close call at last year’s Wingnut Alley. This time he doesn’t get that far, whiffing on the first transition. It’s getting lonely at the top for Sean Bryan. And, commercial.
1:31 - Last 3WA of the night. I’m still washing the taste of Middleton out of my mouth, so whatever; no one of great importance.
And now we’ve come to the man of the hour, the last and biggest hope, Drew Dreschel. We see a replay of his last attempt at Wingnut Alley, where he hit the final nut facefirst, which ruined his form enough that he missed the landing pad. Then the ’18 All-Star event, the end of his incredible duel against Najee Richardson, going 20’ to win the medal. Not shown are the two Flying Shelf Grab medals he won in the first two All-Star events. But his crowning achievement has to be USA vs. The World 3, where, after watching Jessie Graff no-result Stage 1 in shocking fashion, he gave her his spot in Stage 2, whereupon she became the first and thus far only woman to unofficially clear the Stage 2 course…and then, after Brian Arnold failed to put the nail in the coffin in even more shocking fashion, calmly made it to the end of a very difficult Stage 3 course to seal the win for his team. ANW has seen so many competitors who had the speed, the strength, the stamina, the tenacity to accomplish great things and just could never finish the job. The Wilczewski brothers, Daniel Gil, Najee Richardson, Brent Steffensen, Kevin Bull, Ryan Stratis, Ian Dory, Noah Kaufman. Dreschel finishes the job. Heck, the only reason he never made a Team Ninja Warrior final was that Erica Cook kneecapped him in the first one, and then proceeded to kneecap herself in the second.
He’s on. And setting a fast pace. He has one thing on his mind, and it isn’t any of these dinky little…BAR’S OFF ON DEJA VU!..but he saves it. That was clutch! Swing Surfer less than nothing, of course, and it’s on to…his nemesis. I’m actually a little disappointed there isn’t a “bee daah nuh” chant. C’mon, guys, I know you don’t get 200 shots every run like in siffies, but that’s no excuse to stop giving a damn. First transition, got it. Second…ooh, that looked pretty. Now, the haunted, vaunted, Levanted…smooth as silk. He’s making this look easy! Dismounts with 1:23 left. And he gets right to work on the horizontal panel. And the second goes right up. Damn, look at how fast his hands are underwater! Hits the buzzer with 38.65 left. Now that was an impressive run!
See? See? When he screams, it’s a normal emotional response which doesn’t feel like a 50-gallon drum of acid poured into my ears!
Whoa, guys, easy on the celebration, he still has work to do.
So two men are through to Stage 3, which means…oh dear. I was afraid of this.
OKAY, TIME OUT - And now we get to the 900-pound tanuki in the room, the big negative consequence of having no prize structure: The absolute worst place to finish is second. One competitor gets a nice payday and ninety-six have just wasted varying amounts of time. If you no-result in Stage 1, at least you know that you never had a prayer of making a dime and can get on your life without even having to shower. If you finish second, you’ve just burned up a huge amount of energy and gone through probably a hundred emotional swings, all so you could make exactly as much money as the no-resulting schmucks, AND you’ll be forever tormented by the knowledge that you were THHIIIISSSSS close to taking home a hundred grand.
Two are in Stage 3. One will be the champ, and the other will be…second. Not only will the pressure be off the charts, there’s the potential for another Caldiero/Britten situation where a great athlete is resoundingly screwed a thousand times over. I wouldn’t wish that kind of agony on a clown like Neil Craver, much less fine men like these. Make no mistake, there will be anger and tears tonight, and I’m guessing a lot of it will be from the viewers at home.
New term! Last Ninja Standing = LaNS = “lancer”. No sense overthinking this.
1:43 - So far there’s been a good mix of obstacles, and we haven’t had an explosion of upper-body insanity like in season 8 and 9 siffies. The producers obviously realized that making siffies crushing made it largely meaningless, and the better balance produced much more satisfying result. Lay gives a rundown of Stage 3…ohhhhhhh. That’s why there wasn’t upper-body insanity in siffies. It’s here. Other than Floating Boards at the start, Curved Body Prop and a tiny footrest on the first jump-across in Ultimate Cliffhanger, this one’s All. Arms. All. The. Time. I can’t even imagine the kind of body it would take to complete this, much less who’d be able to develop it.
17 minutes left. Unless one of them has a complete disaster on the first obstacle, it’s going to be really tight for either to make it to Stage 4.
Bryan, by virtue of having the slower Stage 2 run, goes first. Dreschel will know exactly what the bar is to get the 100K, which means that Bryan will want to set that bar as high as possible. Eyes reminds us that Bryan’s the only competitor to hit four buzzers, and given what happened to poor Geoff Britten, that is an evil omen.
First up is Floating Boards. Brian takes a while to get started. He’s methodical, taking it one limb at a time. No problem. Second is this thing called En Garde, sort of a cross between Slider Bar and Flying Bar, having to jump across two gaps. Bryan again takes a long time to get going, seemingly afraid to commit. He makes the first jump; it’s clean. The second jump is faster; although he’s a little crooked, he stays up. Third is Crazy Clocks, where he has to rotate two heavy arms from back to front, jump to the second set of arms, then dismount. He struggles a tiny bit but gets through. Now the infamous make-or-break obstacle, where we separate the super men from the super boys, Ultimate Cliffhanger. Eyes reminds us that this is where he fell last year. He spends some time shaking out his hands. He’s up. He’s across. He makes the 2-foot climb to the high bar and foothold, the spot for the first jump. Got it. Now free-swinging, and has to make one more jump. Gets a reverse hold…swings…jumps…and…hands on!..and he can’t hang on!
Oh dear. Bryan has the strength of [insert Biblical strong guy], but he’s no speedster, and he must have been counting on going a long way to put the pressure on. Instead it’s three obstacles in a completely unimpressive time. He’s smiling in the interview, but you know he has to be absolutely burning up inside.
And at 1:50, we cut to one final commercial break, so yeah, not happening, better luck next year. The only drama remaining is to whether Dreschel will do enough to claim the prize.
1:53 - Another recap. Geez. The World Cup has better pacing than this.
1:55 - We see the mark, 1:28.64 on Crazy Clocks. Dreschel starts Floating Board, and he looks way more comfortable on it than Bryan. Done in 12 seconds flat. Now En Garde…man, this guy’s a natural! A shade under 45 seconds. And of course he manhandles the clocks en route to an utter obliteration of Bryan’s time, 1:02. He goes out in the same place as Bryan, but the damage is done.
So Drew Dreschel is now #2 on the all-time ANW money list, and he could be there for quite some time. In his exit interview, he assured us all that he’d keep gunning for Mount Midoriyama, and there’s a very good chance that he’ll pick up at least one or two more 100K payouts along the way.
And…that’ll do it. And not a moment too soon. Oh, wait, one more thing…
…ahem…
Guess God didn’t want Sean Bryan to win!
(C’mon, someone had to say it. ;))
Ha!
Ziiiiiiiiiiing!
Looks like they got the time just about right, in retrospect.
Also, I disagree with you about their coverage of Najee’s asthma. How is seeing someone with asthma end up third best in a brutally difficult national athletic competition going to make an asthma sufferer feel worse? Seems like just the opposite… at least on the surface.
So I’ve been watching season 3 of Ultimate Beastmaster on Netflix, and I think it’s definitely an improvement over the previous two seasons, which I already enjoyed.
Big changes this season:
-MUCH better variety of obstacles, and more interesting ones
-Scores wiped clean after each round. Previously you’d have a situation where four competitors were entering stage 3, and only one would advance, but that was based on cumulative score, and some of them were already 100 points behind. So there was very little suspense. Wiping scores clean maybe makes for a less fair competition, but it certainly makes for more interesting television
Other thoughts:
-I really enjoy having the different international broadcast teams, who interact with each other, talk trash, etc. It lets me jingoistically cheer for the USA competitors without feeling like an asshole… and then when we lose and the UK announcers come into the USA booth and start singing God Save the Queen, it’s all in good fun
-Watching UBM really shows how spoiled we are in ANW when it comes to female competitors. UBM is like ANW back before Kacy made it up the wall, where the female competitors are just automatically never a threat at all, and, honestly, are just a distraction. I keep waiting to be proven wrong, and there keep being female competitors with impressive backgrounds and skillsets… but none of them have even approached making deep runs.