Highly unlikely. You think the American team actually scheduled Geoff Britten to run two stage 2 runs? And in a row? I think the former highly unlikely, the latter comically so.
Are you sure you didn’t just forget Drew Deschel’s run?
Max - You’re welcome! It’s a labor of love, truly…expounding at length on things I have a real interest in is one of my greatest joys…but it means a lot that others are enjoying it as well.
I guess I wasn’t expecting to see this many letdowns. Steffensen stinking up the joing, Doytch choking in the clutch, the other Doytch barely making it out of the gate, Stratis taking a horrific stumble, Connealy getting complacent, and Bernardo allllmooost pulling off the miracle comeback (that would’ve redeemed everything, really) but coming up short. I mean, it wasn’t painful to watch, just a nagging disappointment that justice wasn’t served.
And guess which run got put up on YouTube. Sheesh, the gods are just messing with me at this point. 
I have to admit, I was really confused at first because there are two Ninja Warrior shows: Team Ninja Warrior and America Vs. The World. I think I finally got it figured out though…
We missed America vs. the World because we didn’t know about it. Hopefully NBC will put it up for streaming.
We bought episode 1 of Team Ninja Warrior on Amazon because it was free (we don’t have cable). Additional episodes are $2 each or $13 for the season. The kids want me to buy the season, but I’m not so sure.
I really enjoyed the Team Ninja Warrior format. I thought it was a lot more exciting than the regular American Ninja Warrior format.
My kids were lucky enough to take Ninja Warrior classes with Drew Dreschel this past fall so we’d at least like to watch his episodes. Nice guy, really good with kids.
If you’re poking around looking for things online, see if you can find last year’s USA vs the World, if you haven’t seen it already. It’s epic, and a good lead-in for this year’s, because there are many rivalries and storylines that are being carried forward.
Re. USA vs. The World 2 repeat: NBC usually runs the repeat either just before the season or during an “off” week. You’re in for a long wait if you want to see the whole thing on YouTube.
The show begins with Iseman reporting that “Team Alpha with Kacy Catanzaro and Brent Steffensen was shockingly knocked out”, and Connealy won in a “close finish”. Critical details left out, obviously. :rolleyes:
TEAM NINJA WARRIOR PRELIM #4
Fifth obstacle: Flying Shelf Grab. A horizontal bar, a small shelf, and two more horizontal bars, the last of which is shared by the competitors.
Team Ronin: J.J. Woods, Tiana Webberley, David “Flip” Rodriguez
Karsonic Boom: Brandon Berrett, Beth Higginbotham, Karson Voiles
Wild Bunch: Ben “Tarzan” Melick, Rose Wetzel, Lance Pekus
Think Tank: Matt Wilder, Asya Grechka, Noah Kaufman
Honestly, I don’t know who half these people are. That’s the problem with an event where one tiny misstep means no one sees you the rest of the year.
= 1st match: Team Ronin vs. Karsonic Boom =
L: Woods def. Berrett (finish) This one could’ve gone either way, mainly because they were both gassed by Warped Wall. Berrett messes up dismounts on Sonic Swing and Swing Jump and Woods, despite setting a fairly slow pace, actually makes it there first. Whereupon he fails. And Berrett fails. And Woods fails a 2nd time. Oh god, here it comes: “Bee daah waww!”. And Berrett fails a 2nd time! Just when things look their darkest, Woods makes his third attempt count and hits the blessed red button.
W: Webberley def. Higginbotham (distance) - Higginbotham gets shaken off like a leaf on Log Grip, and I’m sorry I was so hard on Cassandra Dortch. Sorta. Ish.
A: Voiles def. Rodriguez (finish) - Not much to say about this: Voiles is just plain stronger, winning in decisive fashion.
T: Rodriguez def. Voiles (finish) - Wow…I do believe this is the first time the “redemption” nonsense actually panned out! (And hey, kudos to the normally-mostly irrelevant teammates for making it possible! 
) Voiles looks like he just didn’t have the stamina for two runs in a row, losing a close close close close close close one.
TEAM RONIN WINS
= 2nd match: Think Tank vs. Wild Bunch =
L: Wilder def. Melick (distance) - Dang, you’d think someone nicknamed “Tarzan” would handle a rope swing better. On Sonic Swing, he messes up the dismount on the second rope, then hits the water hard on his second attempt…and lets go of the rope! He’s the first competitor to go out on the FIRST OBSTACLE! Yeah, I’m as shocked as you that it wasn’t one of the women! 
W: Grechka def. Wetzel (distance) - Complete mental blunder on Wetzel’s part. Grechka gets to the middle step on Dancing Stones first, and Wetzel tries to take the step from the side, with predictable results. Grechka is a little shaky but makes it through.
A: Kaufman def. Pekus (finish) - The highlight is easily both men putting a foot on the center Dancing Stones step…and getting through safely (yep, another first). Ultimately, conditioning would decide another one, as Pekus gets to the wall first but flubs all three attempts, while Kaufman makes good on his second.
A sweep! That’s nice!
THINK TANK WINS
= 3rd match: Team Ronin vs. Wild Bunch =
Gbajabiamila very boldly predicts that Wild Bunch will be stronger this time. :rolleyes: Whatever NBC is paying this guy, I’m guessing it’s too much. And oh look, we have another leadoff/anchor swap. Which means that Pekus is doing two in a row and the very-well rested Melick has to sit on the sidelines. Um, guys, you’re supposed to do a strategic swap when it’s to your ADVANTAGE. Ad-van-tage. Meaning you expect to gain something out of it. And you know what it is you’re trying to gain. Sheesh.
L: Rodriguez def. Pekus (finish) - Pekus jumps to an early lead but trips up on the exit of Dancing Stones, allowing Rodriguez to catch up. Rodriguez takes an extra swing on the final bar of Flying Shelf Grab, allowing Pekus to attempt the wall first…and come up short. Rodriguez has no trouble with it and takes the half-two.
Oh, and apparently the runs are called “heats”. Whatever.
W: Webberley def. Wetzel (finish) - A typically slow-paced ladies’ duel with one remarkable twist. Webberley gets to the wall, and Iseman informs us that only four women have ever made it up. And Webberley makes it up. On the first try.
A: Woods def. Melick (finish) - Melick was just never in it. Trips up on Dancing Stones and seemingly grinds to a halt on Flying Shelf Grab. Woods wins in (almost literally) a walk.
Wild Bunch leaves the competition with a giant goose egg. Man, I can’t wait to see how NBC is going to completely sweep this under the rug.
TEAM RONIN WINS
= 4th match: Think Tank vs. Karsonic Boom =
L: Wilder def. Berrett (finish) - This one got bumped to a 3WA; thankfully, it looks like they’re only going to do this if the episode is running long. Wilder hits the buzzer, ho-hum.
W: Grechka def. Higginbotham (speed) - A pretty good contest decided on upper-body strength. Grechka is simply better with the nets and the bars and easily makes it to Warped Wall first. Which would turn out to be the difference, as Higginbotham makes it too…and both go 3 and out to the surprise of very few. Lightning don’t strike twice, folks.
A: Voiles def. Kaufman (finish) - And 3WA again. Looked like a runaway.
T: Wilder def. Voiles (distance) - Oh, Voiles…I know you’re the anchor and want to be a hero, but I have to agree with Gbajabiamila here (stop the presses!): four heats is just too much. Wilder jumps straight to the shelf on Flying Shelf Grab, and Voiles tries to do the same, but the energy is simply gone. Whiff, splash, defeat. Wow, a rested leadoff man can beat an exhausted anchor, whoda thunk?
THINK TANK WINS
= Final: Team Ronin vs. Think Tank (both WLA) =
None of the men are especially good or bad…just as well, since this one’s decided on the opening leg. Grechka completely screws up Log Grip, completely failing to get off the blocks on her first attempt, and that was all she wrote. Nope, no miracle comeback here, no drama.
TEAM RONIN WINS
MVP picks: Wilder, Webberley, Rodriguez
The surprise for me today was Rodriguez. I never thought he was superstar material, being too prone to mistakes and lacking the power of a Brian Arnold or the dependability of an Joe Moravsky. I was pleasantly surprised he pulled off that clutch win in the first match, and he did what he had to do against Pekus and in the final. I wasn’t sold on Team Ronin, but they could be tough to beat.
My take was the opposite. While I never give the parkour guys like Flip a snowball’s chance in hell to finish stage 3, I fully expect them to dominate events like this with ease. And he struggled in pretty much every run. He definitely lost his leg in the relay final, winning by less than the lead he started with.
The only thing Ronin has going for it is a true legit woman who can make it up the wall. That’s a massive advantage, but both guys are mediocre at best. Which is surprising, since I would have ranked Flip in the top 3 if I were ranking them before this started. The ER doctor – who is not a speed runner – was faster than Flip. That’s never a good sign.
I expect Ronin to lose any future matchups 3-1, with their only scoring from the women’s heat.
I had exactly the opposite reaction. Flip was as fast as he needed to be. When he got behind he just EXPLODED up the wall. And I don’t see how Noah Kaufman (who is an expert rock climber and a member of the most elite ninja training group there is) was particularly faster than him.
I think team Ronin is probably the most impressive team we’ve seen so far, with two fast and consistent men and a woman who can go all the way.
But it definitely depends whether the obstacles in the finals remain similar to these, or whether they’re more stage-3-ish.
I can’t understand what you think I’m saying. I am saying that they stop showing the clock on the screen. They flash to other views, like the crowd, or people waiting, they come back to the view of the contestant and restore the clock, more time has elapsed on the clock than the real time we experience in the audience at home. This is totally consistent with TV editing what they show to eliminate the contestant sitting and resting and just show us the activity, which helps fit into the time block.
I’m not saying they are doing anything hokey with the clock during the actual live event they are filming. I am not saying they are showing us the wrong times. I am saying they are not showing us all the parts where the contestants are resting in the middle of the run. Not that they need to, either, I was just pointing out that you can’t go by how long it looked like it took. They do that in the regular competition as well.
From what I’ve seen of Noah Kaufman, he has plenty of power, but he’s just not the kind of competitor who can turn on the afterburners when things get desperate. Kevin Bull can, Mike Bernardo can, Joe Moravsky can. Kaufman either is unwilling to take risks or can’t make them pay off. Is it true that he’s the only member of the Wolfpack to never make it to Stage 3? That would explain some of it right there.
And while I’m not going to crown Team Ronin just yet, they’re the first team I’ve seen so far that was…pretty dominant. Of course, this is Ninja Warrior, so any and all predictions are useless. Best just keep enjoying the show.
It doesn’t matter how long it looked like it took; when the clock comes back, we see the time.
We could see exactly how much faster Isaac’s run really was, because we saw the clock at the end of his run. The only thing that would make it hard to tell would be if they did something hokey by showing wrong times on the clock.
Day-um, it’s seemed like a long time since the last episode. Just not a whole lot of fun stuff in my life right now, I guess.
TEAM NINJA WARRIOR PRELIM #5
Fifth obstacle: Doorknob Arch. A long series of suspended doorknobs in a tall arch shape. (Man, is this going to ruin some good finishes… :D)
Ninja Brittens: Dustin McKinney, Jessica Britten, Geoff Britten
Elet-trikz: Dillon Gates, Cassie Craig, Elet Hall
Lab Rats: Chris Wilczewski, Michelle Warnky, Brian Wilczewski
Iron Grip: Sam Sann, Richelle Hepler, Daniel Gil
All I really got to say here is that “Elet-trikz” has got to be one of the worst names imaginable. I swear I must have messed up the spelling three times.
= 1st match: Ninja Brittens vs. Elet-trikz =
And right off the bat we have tomfoolery: Although Hall is officially the captain, he’s going to be running leadoff. For both rounds. So…uh…why, dammit?? I know the whole system is on the iffy side, but is a little consistency too much to ask? Huh.
L: Hall def. McKinney (distance) - McKinney is clearly in way over his head and can’t keep up at all, ultimately crashing and burning at Swing Jump.
W: Craig def. J.Britten (distance) - Neither competitor looks all that impressive. Britten is tentative and off-balance, while Craig seems downright mesmerized at the sight of her opponent on Log Grip. It’s over mercifully quickly, as Britten misses the transition at Swing Jump. Craig had trouble on the swing, but once the pressure was off, it was no contest.
A: Gates def. G.Britten (finish) - Gates looks like he’s simply better prepared for a speed contest. He builds a big lead throughout the first four obstacles, and despite his opponent’s superior upper-body strength, doesn’t give up too much ground on Doorknob Arch. He’s a little behind heading for the wall but passes him on the way up…and it all becomes academic as Britten comes up well short while Gates sails up and over. The replay showed what happened; Britten’s shoes hit the water at Swing Jump, and he just didn’t have the traction.
The history-maker gets swept, yet more proof that past success means jack squat on NW.
ELET-TRIKZ WINS
= 2nd match: Lab Rats vs. Iron Grip =
L: C.Wilczewski def. Sann (distance) - Sann is doomed early, making a huge splash at Sonic Swing and slipping right off of Dancing Stones as a result.
W: Warnky def. Hepler (finish) - Hepler blows almost ten seconds after failing to grab the second rope on Sonic Swing, and Warnky is on cruise control the rest of the way.
A: Gil def. B.Wilczewski (finish) - The younger Wilczewski falls victim to pressure and needs three attempts to get past Swing Jump. Gil sets a ferocious pace never looks back, powering through Doorknob Arch (which Wilczewski struggles with) and winning a complete laugher.
All right, it’s a no-brainer that Gil’s going to take the tiebreaker, and Lab Rats pretty much have to send the fresher brother against him. Right? Right?
T: Gil def. C.Wilczewski (distance) - Hot dog, someone in this farce has a functioning brain after all! Regrettably, this one’s not a much better contest than the last, as Gil is just too damn strong. He starts pulling away in Dancing Stones and is WAY faster through Doorknob Arch. Wilczewski, in desperation, tries to kick it up a notch and is rewarded with a cold bath.
If I’m on Ninja Brittens, I’m sweating really, really hard right now.
IRON GRIP WINS
= 3rd match: Elet-trikz vs. Lab Rats =
The women lead this time. Whatever.
W: Warnky def. Craig (distance) - Dammit, Craig, keep your eyes on your own work! She again ogles her opponent on Log Grip and this time doesn’t get away with it. Warnky obligingly continues, and with no pressure easily makes to Warped Wall…and over. “Yes. She. Did.” declares Iseman. (“Just. Like. Catanzaro. And. Graff. Before. Her. And. We. Really. Shouldn’t. Be. Making. A. Big. Freaking. Deal. Out. Of. It. Anymore.”)
L: C.Wilczewski def. Hall (finish) - Hall surges to an early lead, but the elder Wilczewski manages a quicker dismount on Swing Jump and is off to the races. Hall’s desperate last gasp on Warped Wall comes up well short.
A: B.Wilczewski def. Gates (distance) - Gates gets off to a blazingly fast start and looks like he has a good chance of taking this…until Dancing Stones, where he lands too far back on the middle stone and does an impressive wipeout. So now all Wilczewski needs to do is complete the obstacle to complete an amazing comeback. He takes a good look…
OHHHHH NOOOO! TREMAYNE DORTCH! TREEEEMAYYYYYNNNNNE DOOOOOORRRRRTCCCHHHH!!!
…is a comparison I won’t be able to use at all, dammit, because he glides through effortlessly!
(I did say this was a labor of love, right?)
So Lab Rats recovers from their bully beatdown to pull off just the second “steal” of the competition, and a team that won in a sweep in the first round gets swept in the second. I…ah, there’s just too much to unpack here. Analysis to come.
LAB RATS WINS
= 4th match: Iron Grip vs. Ninja Brittens =
L: McKinney def. Sann (finish) - The 48 year old Sann just plain wasn’t up to it. McKinney gives him several chances to catch up but is still first to the wall by several seconds. He messes up his first try, but not his second, and Sann’s miss kills any chance of drama.
W: Hepler def. J.Britten (distance) - Hepler sets a steady, mistake-free pace, while things start off shakily for Britten and just get worse and worse. It takes her forever to get through Swing Jump, capped off by dipping her feet in the water, and with Dancing Stones next you know there’s only way this can end. Hepler clears Doorknob Arch but doesn’t attempt the wall…not up to it, I guess. At least this means no dumb bee daah waww chants this week.
A: Gil def. G.Britten (distance) - Geoff gets to a much faster start than he did against Gates; he knows he’s up against a beast and can’t let up for a millisecond. Unfortunately, as Gbajabiamila says too often (along with “90 degree L’s”, which he actually uncorked once tonight) “speed kills”. Britten tries to skip the middle step on Dancing Stones completely and promptly pays the price on the mat. Gil obligingly finishes the course for the third time tonight, because it just feels GOOD to hit that buzzer, y’know?
IRON GRIP WINS
= Final: Lab Rats vs. Iron Grip (both WAL) =
Warnky opens up a sizable lead on Hepler. Gil charges hard, like we’ve seen three times already, and has a slim lead going into the final leg. So it’s up to brother Chris to…
What the hell was that?? I can barely describe it…he turns around on Salmon Ladder, does a near-handstand on the bar, and throws it backward above his head. And…it works! He’s crooked, but he’s still on and is right to the Tilting Ladders!
Sann, now having to play catch-up, is doomed. The elder Wilczewski hits the buzzer in plenty of time, thus completing the something-something miracle something.
LAB RATS WINS
- Just how the heck this happened, team-by-team -
Ninja Brittens (1-5): It became obvious early on that they just weren’t up to the task. I actually think Geoff Britten was hurt by his success; he was so good at ANW that he just wasn’t prepared for a contest where speed was at a premium. In ANW, you just have to be quick enough in Stages 1 and 2, and strength counts as much as fast feet in the latter. All the pressure that comes from the First Whatever-The-Hell-NBC-Is-Calling-It-Now couldn’t have helped either. McKinney was an also-ran, and Lady Britten was anemic even for a woman. I’m glad that Michelle Warnky has a gym, because if Britten counts as one of the best of the ladies’ contingent, they need all the help they can get!
Elet-trikz (3-3): Night and day. Dominated the weakest team of the bunch and got caught off guard by a squad that was tougher, faster, and hungrier.
Iron Grip (4-3): I’d previously mentioned how as long as your anchor is an ace, you’re in the game. Here’s what happens when he’s all you have. Hepler was nothing special and Sann looked all of his 48 years, but because they had by far the strongest competitor of the night (and arguably the entire competition!), they were in it to the end…which is where everyone needs to pull their weight. Credit to Gil for fighting hard every second, but if he was serious about winning he needed to choose his friends better.
Lab Rats (5-2): Even after Gil knocked them down and took their lunch money in the second match, I could see that this was a powerful team and had a very realistic chance of making the final. I could not have predicted just how hard they would bounce back and how decisively they’d seal the win. This is a rock-solid team from top to bottom with not a glaring weakness or dead spot anywhere, a team absolutely no one wants to face in the final. Well done, very well done.
MVP picks: C.Wilczewski, Warnky, Gil
Whoo! This was a fun show! Very much looking forward to a thrilling conclusion.
Yeah, the Wilczewski/Warnky team is definitely for real.
I agree that this competition didn’t play to Geoff Britten’s strengths.
I guess the real question is what the format will be in the finals. Will it be more fairly-simple-obstacles-as-fast-as-possible? Or is it more like Mt. Midoriyama with increasingly difficult stages? If it’s the former, I think the strongest two teams are from this week and last week. Ian Dory’s team is also powerful, but I think the parkour guys like Flip Rodriguez have an edge when it just comes to balls out speed.
Who among the top ninjas is still left for next week?
Isaac Caldiero? Drew Dreschel? James “the beast” McGrath? Dave “Livewire” Schief? I think I’ve caught glimpses in the promos of “Captain NBC” Jamie Rahn? That family of very Christian brothers one of whom made stage 3 this year?
Jamie Rahn is going to be in it, as is Brian Arnold. Dunno about Isaac Caldiero.
Just a heads-up: There are going to be “wild cards” for the finals. Huh. This contest has managed to avoid massive injustices so far, but I can’t help but think that they need to stop freaking tempting fate.
TEAM NINJA WARRIOR PRELIM #6
Fifth obstacle: Ring Toss. Pretty much the same as it was in its latest ANW incarnation, a hand-over-hand pacing rings on pegs on opposite sides of a bar. A more demanding upper-body test than Floating Steps or Doorknob Arch due to the space between the pegs; this could wreck a few runs.
Real Life Beasts: James “The Beast” McGrath, Erica Cook, Drew Dreschel
Invincabels: Nathan Jasso, Jeri D’Aurelio, Abel Gonzales
Rahnaways: Adam Grossman, Courtney Venuti, Jamie Rahn
Party Time: Jake Murray, Jennifer Tavernier, Brian Arnold
= 1st match: Real Life Beasts vs. Invincabels =
L: McGrath def. Jasso (finish) - Jasso does his best but just can’t match his opponent’s speed or strength. McGrath opens up a huge gap on Ring Toss and easily conquers the wall for the win.
W: D’Aurelio def. Cook (distance) - Cook burns up a huge amount of time on Swing Jump, and despite D’Aurelio’s slow pace, her victory is never much in doubt. Cook misfooting the middle step on Dancing Stones makes it official.
A: Dreschel def. Gonzales (finish) - Both men set a blistering pace. Dreschel actually trails most of the way, but pulls up what might be the move of the week on Ring Toss…just two thirds of the way through, he goes for the dismount…AND MAKES IT! McGrath actually says it best: “I know real is in our name, but that was the most unreal thing I’ve ever seen!” Final run up the wall is just a formality after that.
Yeah, early favorite, am I right?
REAL LIFE BEASTS WINS
= 2nd match: Rahnaways vs. Party Time =
L: Murray def. Grossman (finish) - Might’ve spoke to soon (yeah, like that ever happens… ). Murray sets a fast mistake-free pace and looks like he’s going to win a close one…whereupon he leaps for the finish two-thirds of the way through Ring Toss, makes it (with a cleaner landing than Dreschel, at that), and wins a laugher.
W: Tavernier def. Venuti (distance) - This is one of the most lethargic women’s heats of the competition (which really is saying a lot). They look half-asleep out there, and it looks like it’s going to come down to who bungles first. That would be Venuti, completely losing the handle at Log Grip.
A: Arnold def. Rahn (finish) - It’s really tight most of the way; the two runs are virtual mirrors of each other (they both even take a little water at Swing Jump). But once again Ring Toss would be the decider, as Arnold is not only noticeably faster but is able to land safely when he’s just two-thirds of the way across. Amazingly, Rahn does the same (when I said this was the “move of the week”, maybe that meant it was the move they had to pull off to win the heat) but it’s just not enough. Sweep.
PARTY TIME WINS
= 3rd match: Real Life Beasts vs. Rahnaways =
W: Cook def. Venuti (speed) - Swapped and 3WA’d. Whatever. Both hit the deck at Dancing Stones; Cook gets the point on account of wasting slightly less time.
L: McGrath def. Grossman (distance) - On paper, this is a mismatch. In reality…Grossman didn’t have a prayer, letting go of the rope much too soon on Sonic Swing and splashing down. So now that’s TWO competitors that have taken the plunge here, NEITHER of them female. Yowza.
That’s five losses in as many heats for Rahnaways, and they haven’t looked remotely in contention once. It’s going to take a miracle to prevent utter disaster.
A: Rahn def. Dreschel (distance) - Or an opportune mental error, whichever. Both men set an astonishing pace, Rahn having a slight edge. But Dreschel’s shoes hit the water at Swing Jump, and, true to form, said footwear completely fails to find purchase on the first step.
Okay, time out, because what’s happening now is just too ridiculous and I need to deal with it right here and now. Conventional wisdom says that Rahnaways will go with Rahn for the tiebreaker, as he’s the only one on the team who’s amounted to anything, whereas for Real Life Beasts the edge should go to McGrath, as he’s a bit fresher and seems to be less mistake-prone than Dreschel, at least today. Of course, simple logic doesn’t always win out here, but in all honesty there haven’t been too many absolute howlers. And if worst comes to worst, Dreschel vs. Grossman has the potential to be a good contest if both men play to avoid mistakes and we have a shootout at the wall.
Decision time. Real Life Beasts pick first. It’s Cook.
:eek:
What the bloody everloving HELL??? In case anyone missed it before, here it is again: Women. Cannot. Compete. With Men. At least on anything beyond the weekend warrior level. The physical difference is just too, too vast. Hell, you don’t need to take my word for it, you’ve seen how the women’s runs turned out, right?
So now Rahnaways, who looked liked they had a puncher’s chance, now have a flippin’ Codebreaker code (man, I hope someone gets that reference :). Grossman is going to squash Cook. Rahn is going to vaporize her. It’s just a matter of how merciful they’re feeling. Yeah, bit of a curveball here, but unless the whole team is just so discombobulated that they can’t decide at all, it’s not going to change the end result in any meaningful way.
It doesn’t take them long. Easy pick. No-brainer, in fact. It’s…
…Venuti.
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
I…I can’t even…why…how…this…y’know what, I’m just going to use their words, because I sure don’t have any at this point.
Curry: Drew and Jamie, you are two of the most experienced ninjas out here. Explain the reasoning to send the two girls on your team into sudden death.
Rahn: Well the girls were, you know, really good, they just had some unlucky falls.
Dreschel: I agree. We had our shot to run that course, and I want to see another girl up that wall.
Rahn: I want to see two.
Dreschel: Two more girls up that wall.
I was gonna post some confused emoticons here, but the hell with it or we’ll be here all week. Huh…okay, then…
T: Cook def. Venuti (finish) - A sloooooo…ooooooooo…zzzzzzzzzzzz…ooooowwwww contest. Seriously, you could’ve timed this one with a 2015 calendar. Seriously, this one made Kacy Catanzaro’s Cityfinal triumph look like a Sonic The Hedgehog TAS. Seriously, at least ten future female ANW competitors were born during this heat. Seriously…okay, I’m going to try to actually be a little serious now. (At least we now know why there was a 3WA.) Cook was slightly less lethargic and actually looked pretty solid on Ring Toss (nice definition in those arms, I must say!). Venuti somehow avoided disaster on Ring Toss, which meant that Cook had to attempt the wall. First attempt, no dice. Venuti makes it through Ring Toss. Second attempt…looks better…and she’s up! Yes! She cleared the wall! This one’s finally over, dammit!
REAL LIFE BEASTS WINS
= 4th match: Party Time vs. Invincabels =
Oh, right, there’s one more. Okay then…
L: Jasso def. Murray (distance) - A slugfest where Jasso kept pulling away but Murray always found a way to close the gap. Ultimately the pressure would be too much for Murray, flubbing the dismount on Ring Toss (the only one of the entire day, amazingly enough). Jasso obligingly takes the wall because he was pretty much going to no matter what.
Murray landed badly, and now his left knee is being checked out by the medical crew.
W: Tavernier def. D’Aurelio (finish) - A good contest, all things considered; definitely more exciting than that tiebreaker! They set a steady pace and begin Ring Toss at almost the same time. Tavernier is clearly better at this (D’Aurelio almost falls early on) and gets to Warped Wall first…and takes a lot of time preparing for it. D’Aurelio catches up…and also takes a long, long time to get up to it. They both make their first run at almost the same time…and both make it up! Tavernier is just a little stronger and edges out the victory. Man, I thought we’d NEVER see a close one again!
A: Arnold def. Gonzales (finish) - Gonzales fights hard to create as big a gap as possible before Ring Toss, where he knows Arnold has the advantage. He gets to a commanding lead…which is instantly erased when Arnold breezes through the rings and then makes a successful (and completely clean) dismount at…yep…the two thirds mark. He’s almost relaxed as he takes his 14-foot victory lap.
PARTY TIME WINS
Murray delivers the bad news: the pain is too much; he’s out. Alternate Travis Weinand takes his spot.
= Final: Real Life Beasts (WAL) vs. Party Time (WLA) =
What a matchup! All even, no clear favorite! Everyone with strengths and weaknesses! Weinand is the wild card; will he step up or falter? No matter what, this is going to be exciting! All right, here we go! We have two strong ladies on the…
** SPLOOOOSHH **
That would be Cook taking a dive on Log Grip. And just like that, it’s over. Weinand actually looks a bit tentative on Ring Toss, but he still makes the tag well ahead of Dreschel, and Arnold, who excels on upper-body and climbing tasks, never looks back. Cake walk.
PARTY TIME WINS
MVP picks: McGrath, Tavernier, Arnold
Okay, I’m just about completely spent now. Talk amongst yourselves.
I have to assume that the two captains agreed that they would both send up their women. Not sure why they did, but there’s no way in hell that it wasn’t prearranged. (Possibly pressure from the producers?)
I think it’s time to stop counting how many women have made it up the warped wall. Being the eighth woman to ever do it just isn’t as impressive as being the second.
I agree that having two wildcard teams seems worrisome, although I’m OK with it if it’s just the two who made the relay final and then lost by the closest amount, so that it’s objective. I believe a clip showed Joe Moravsky, and I recall him losing to Travis Rosen in a super-close one.
What’s a “3WA”?
I call foul on that final relay. Dreshel’s foot landed squarely on the mat when he fell on the dancing stones. Iseman was saying “his foot never touched the ground” while his foot was clearly on the ground. Shenanigans! That should have been a 10 second penalty to start the anchor leg.
I have a feeling it’s short for WWWA - “While We Were Away, this happened…”
Okay, here’s what I was able to glean from next week’s teaser re. the upcoming semis (I don’t know the “official” name for this stage yet). There will be two more contests, each between three of the winning teams (presumably grouped into the week 1-3 and week 4-6 winners) and a wild card. The two wild cards are the top two runners-up…not the two fastest times, but the two who lost by the closest margins in their respective Relay Showdowns and thus maintained the fragile illusion of every team having a chance. They will be run under the exact same rules, and again only the 5th obstacle will change.
Re. the wildcards. I’d be very surprised if Storm Team Moravsky wins it all…they’re just not that great and will get pounded by any team with a strong anchor…but don’t count out Stratis Faction. They had some pretty impressive runs, and the only reason they lost in the end was Stratis’ messing up of Dancing Stones. If he works on his balance and takes a slightly more cautious approach this time, look for this squad to be a tough matchup.
Ellis - Yeah, 3WA means “While we were away”, which happens several times every episode in the regular show. Sorry I wasn’t clear about this before; I wasn’t expecting it to happen here. Oh, and just so there’s absolutely no confusion whatsoever, the entire show is prerecorded, so NBC can give the bum’s rush to whoever they want; it has nothing to do with inopportune timing.
Max - Yeah, I’m wondering if there may have been shenanigans here too. I hate guessing and assuming and speculating about these things, though. Shouldn’t someone have come clean about this by now? On Twitter, maybe? (Esquire has nothing.)
Before I begin, I’d like to point out how remarkably…for lack of a better word…textbook this contest has been so far. Of the twelve second rounds, ten have been won by the team that won the first round. Of the six winners, only one had a win percentage worse than 2/3. Two teams that were powerful except for the anchor failed; one team that had nothing but a dominating anchor did the same and another lost in the RS. I mention this because by far my biggest fear going in was that all the machinations would lead to horror. I was dreading hideously unjust results, insane monkey wrenches, and all-around shockers, and it simply hasn’t happened. This gives me confidence that this is a contest with a future. Much like ANW on the whole.
Oh, and before I forget, one thing this really, really needs: SPLIT SCREEN. For those times when one competitors gets way ahead of the other which happens pretty often, if you haven’t noticed.
TEAM NINJA WARRIOR SEMIFINAL #1
Team Ronin (6-1): J.J. Woods, Tiana Webberley, David “Flip” Rodriguez.
Team TNT (5-2): Adam Arnold, Joyce Shahboz, Travis Rosen
Team Midoryama (4-2): Dan Yager, Meagan Martin, Ian Dory
Stratis Faction (5-1): Mike Bernardo, Grace Jones, Ryan Stratis
Fifth obstacle: Spin Cycle. Three rotating hoop baskets set at different angles. Strength, timing, and steady nerves will be key; they don’t want to waste a lot of time with the transitions, but they don’t want to whiff and take a bath either.
= 1st match: Team Ronin vs. Team TNT =
__L: Woods vs. Arnold - Arnold’s roll-of-the-dice fortunes on Dancing Stones continue; he looks good most of the way but tumbles at the end. Woods had nearly completed Spin Cycle at this point, and he goes up the wall because of course. Woods/distance
__W: Webberley vs. Shahboz - Webberley takes the early lead but is incredibly timid on Dancing Stones, allowing Shahboz to make it a semblance of a contest. That’s as close as she’d get, as she’s completely unable to handle Spin Cycle and goes straight down. Webberley clears it but doesn’t try the wall again. Spoilsport. Webberley/distance
__A: Rodriguez vs. Rosen - Incredible finish! Rosen simply looks more confident and steadily pulls further and further ahead. But then at the wall, Rodriguez tears up the ramp, then gets up faster than Rosen, winning by THE closest margin yet. Wowie wowie wow. Okay, probably a bit more impact if his team wasn’t already up 2-0, but I’ll take what I can get. Rodriguez/finish
TEAM RONIN WINS
= 2nd match: Team Midoryama vs. Stratis Faction =
__L: Yager vs. Bernardo - Yager is simply more solid, avoiding getting hung up or wasting energy on anything, and soon has the lead. They both go up the wall, Yager first. Bernardo charges hard…and comes up at least a foot short. Yager/finish
__W: Martin vs. Jones - Anyone want to bet on Jones here? Anyone? Heh, didn’t think so. To her credit, she does look not-awful for a little while, but big blunders on Log Grip and Swing Jump doom her. She does manage to get as far as the start of Spin Cycle before Martin casually saunters up the wall. Martin/finish
__A: Dory vs. Stratis - It looked like all the pressure…of being down 2-0, of the semis, of proving that Stratis Faction deserved the wildcard…was just too much for Stratis. He misses the transition at Swing Jump, and that was all she wrote. Dory is cleaner through Dancing Stones, widening the gap further, and he’s a rock climber so you know Spin Cycle isn’t going to be any hassle for him. An absolute massacre. Dory/finish
TEAM MIDORYAMA WINS
So that’s two sweeps in as many matches, and now a shellshocked Stratis Faction has to go right back at it against a team that’s absolutely on fire. Boy…I’m incredibly freaking nervous about making any kind of proclamations right now, y’know?
= 3rd match: Team Ronin vs. Stratis Faction =
And I guess it wouldn’t be an episode of TNW without a completely pointless swap. Rodriguez and Woods this time.
__L: Rodriguez vs. Bernardo - Bernardo gives it his all and actually does a nice job of keeping his opponent in striking distance up to Spin Cycle. And then Rodriguez has trouble on the second transition!..but it’s academic, as Bernardo can’t even make the first one. Rodriguez eventually finds the way and sails up the wall. Rodriguez/finish
__W: Webberley vs. Jones - You have to figure this is probably going to be a fairly boring one; all Webberley really needs to do is to hang in there until Spin Cycle, where her vast, vast superiority on upper-body obstacles will give her an easy win. It’s actually an entertaining cat-and-mouse duel for the most part (now that’s something we haven’t seen much of!), with the highlight being both competitors hitting the middle step on Dancing Stones at the same time…and getting through! However, Spin Cycle is next, and Jones doesn’t have a prayer here, badly botching the first transition and taking the plunge. Webberley makes it through again without much trouble, so…hey, she’s going for the wall this time! And makes it easily! Whew, thank you, you’ve made a lot of viewers much happier. Webberley/distance
All right, Stratis Faction now 0-5 and looking at several months of incredibly tedious whining about wildcards. If Stratis is going to be a hero, it’s going to be now, has to be now.
__A: Woods vs. Stratis - Or the tiebreaker, whichever. Woods sets a fast pace and just plain faceplants on Dancing Stones. There’s really no room for complex analysis here. He just plain screwed up. Stratis/distance
Well, it looks like we’re going to have our Rodriguez vs. Stratis main event after all. I mean, that’s the obvious choice. Can’t really be anything else. Right? Right?
__T: Rodriguez vs. Stratis - Yep. And boy, is there ever drama here, as Stratis (who said he was “pretty tired” after the last run) is just about flawless through four obstacles, including his onetime nemesis Dancing Stones. He has a slim lead going into Spin Cycle…whereupon Rodriguez messes up the second transition again, and Stratis powers through and wins a blowout! Golden snitch! Final Jeopardy! Bunch of sports events I never want to waste another microsecond thinking about! Stratis/finish
STRATIS FACTION WINS
= 4th match: Team Midoryama vs. Team TNT =
__L: Yager vs. Arnold - Yager gets a foot tied up at Swing Jump and never challenges afterward. Arnold/finish
__W: Martin vs. Shahboz - Anyone want to bet on Shahboz here? Anyone? Heh, didn’t think so. She gets into trouble early, taking water on Sonic Swing, which leads to a predictable drop on Dancing Stones. Do I even have to mention that Martin goes up the wall yet again? (Well, I kinda already did, so…) Martin/distance
__A: Dory vs. Rosen - Rosen takes water on Swing Jump, and against someone as explosive as Dory, that can only…oh…oh…oh, this is not happening! Rosen, who’s 41 years old (which the announcers make very sure we don’t forget) is pulling away! And he’s the first out of Spin Cycle. And Dory makes a charge, trying to catch up…and…it’s not enough! Rosen wins! Rosen wins! Rosen wins! Rosen/finish
TEAM TNT WINS
That crackling sound you’re hearing is a textbook being burned to a crisp.
= Final: Stratis Faction (WAL) vs. Team TNT (WLA) =
Both Jones and Shahboz look clumsy in the opening leg. Jones makes the tag first by a hair. Arnold makes two big jumps and finishes Dancing Stones first; Stratis almost goes down again but barely saves it. Stratis gets through Spin Cycle faster and is catching up at the…
Stratis misses the first attempt! Stratis misses the first attempt!
And that’s about all she wrote. Bernardo, again, sees himself having to overcome a huge deficit, and Travis Rosen ain’t no Alan Connealy. Rosen is almost at the rope by the time Bernardo begins the climb.
TEAM TNT WINS
MVP picks: Arnold, Martin, Rosen
Think there will be calls for a switch to round-robin? 
(No, seriously, I’d like to know. I can’t even find a message board for this.)
This was a weird episode. On the one hand, it seemed a shame that two clearly stronger teams lost, particularly after both just dominated the first rounds. On the other hand, it’s not like they were cheated, they lost fair and square.
I think the whole two-rounds-but-only-the-second-round-is-elimination thing is fundamentally unsatisfying. Flip’s team had arguably the strongest overall performance counting all the races in both rounds, but because their one moment of weakness came at the end of round 2 instead of round 1 they went home.
Not enough to make me turn off my TV in disgust or anything, but I do hope they change the format next season (and I do hope there is a next season).
Flip zipping up the warped wall to edge out Travis in round 1 was one of the most amazing bits of Ninja-Warrioring I’ve ever seen.
Put the mask back on! #NOTMYFLIP