Well, if they ended the auditions now, we would have several groups of prepubescent [del]strippers[/del] dancers dressed like hookers and call boys, a few unemployed circus acts a bit long in the tooth, several mediocre quiors, a few Siegfrieds sans Roys, several people who got a B+ in their community college Opera 101 classes and a couple of other singers who missed the Opera memo, plus a couple of comedians. Other than that, a few novelty acts that prove that mixing medications is not a wise thing to do.
So - unless the Howies and Non-Howies can dredge up some elusive talent out of the hoards of inmates waiting to audition, they have to plod on to get an entire cast to complete this freak show.
They really should hold a few more auditions in places like Guantanamo Bay (“Wow…look how long that Arab guy can hold his breath, upside down, underwater!”) or perhaps in Amish Country (“Wow, those 8 year old bare-chested boys can build a barn in 60 seconds!”) or Brownsville, Texas (“Wow - pole vaulting a 30 foot high fence using toothpicks and duct tape…how did they learn that!?”).
So far, there are about 5 or 6 acts that might possibly improve over time and at least be of interest to watch…some of which (as usual) they have not shown the complete acts during the audition, so they can keep an element of surprise. So yeah, they still need to try to find a few sane people with a modicum of talent…and I am sure there is some stupid dog/cat act that will have the cute factor, and they will find some blind, one-legged, 87 year old singer/tap dancer who will win their hearts and make it to the finals…so hang in there!
Something else to comment on, Howie was talking about the brother/sister singing act (no, the other one), and was suggesting that they should sing popular songs rather than their own new stuff. Now I think he has a valid point - if they sing something popular the audience knows well, they can get a ratings boost from people singing along. Versus singing a new song nobody’s heard before.
But his premise was faulty. He said something about “If you’re in a singing competition, you should focus on the singing.” That’s wrong, they’re not in a singing competition. Go to The Voice or American Idol for that. AGT is a talent competition, and talent can include being a musician, or being a singer-songwriter. I suppose being a songwriter without the singer is a little difficult, because it’s hard to show off your part of the talent.
And sure enough - we started off with a cute dog…and later a large fake cat that was about as entertaining as most real cats.
You know, in the old days, only the parents who forked over big bucks would be forced to sit through their little darlin’s performance in those godawful, end-of-year, recitals from the dance schools. Now, all of the USA gets to watch hoards of little girls with hooker makeup do their little routines. And every group gets through. At this point, AGT will need 47 jumbo jets just to fly all the dance companies to Vegas.
As a Gay guy, I was happy to see DOMA struck down by the Supreme Court - this is especially encouraging and I hope life gets better for young Gay dudes. However, in the meantime, we get yet another (two this season so far?) weepy homosexual who got the Opera memo. Maybe they should all get together, dress like the Village People and sing Madame Butterfly to a disco beat?
Two battered guitars, two strange looking dudes, and voila! We got us Woodstock with Jimi Hendrix and an albino Richie Havens.
Ah, but lest we forget our men in uniform - a rock band worthy of the 9:00 PM set in any dive bar in Wyoming! No cover, but seven drink minimum to fully appreciate. Nice they wore parts of their uniforms on stage, lest we forget they were in the military.
Indiana scarecrow cornfield hip-hop meets Munchkin hip-hop…and don’t forget the two 10 year old girls hip-hop DJ/vocal performance…if only I could click my ruby heels and forget about all three of those performances, I would happily fly away with some monkeys.
And the Howies schticked it up - bringing rolling-in-the-aisles mirth and hilarity to anyone under the age of 9, or adults having an IQ of under 9, watching the show.
Still waiting for some variation of a blind, one-legged 87 year old singer/tap dancer…but promos seem to indicate we get an old dude blowing himself up in a tinfoil box to round out the circus acts next show. Can’t wait!
The giant cat thing was dreadful. At least MelB hit her X. Okay, lame cat trainer joke set up, giant puppet instead of real cat - this is starting bad. Followed by bad fake cat singing… then a hairball. Um, this is going downhill, at it started in a ditch. The bathroom humor. You know, bathroom humor is a near automatic reject for me, so the cat farting was when I’d have hit the button for sure. But no, we get a giant turd dropped on stage. And then what’shisface has to go and throw it at Howie.
Then there’s the commedian who starts with a joke that wasn’t a joke. There wasn’t any humor in his presentation, just a dig at Kim Cardashian. Howard Xed him immediately, and then instead of trying to continue his act, he got into an argument with the judges over Xing him, and they should take them back so he could do his act. I’m convinced he isn’t a stand-up comic, rather he’s a performance artist in the vein of Andy Kaufman. He wasn’t trying to tell jokes, he was trying to make people uncomfortable and annoy people. He was totally successful at that, but the judges didn’t realize it. Or maybe he just sucked. (Performance Art: the last bastion of the incompetant.)
The rope-skipping acrobats were interesting, especially the human-jumprope.
The juggler was thrilling with his burning bottle balanced on a balloon on a post from his mouth, then popping the balloon and catching the bottle on the post still balanced. Let’s see what he can do.
The dog dancing act fits right in with our circus theme - we don’t need a lion tamer, we have a dog tamer.
The kid with the guitar, I kinda see both sides. He’s very polarizing. On the one hand, he had a quirky originality and that kinda parleyed into a funky charisma. On the other hand, it seemed like he just made that song up on the spot, his singing isn’t particularly good, can’t say much about his playing, and he didn’t really finish, just kinda quit when he broke the guitar string. I certainly see why Howie, who likes oddities, found him compelling, and why Howard thought it was a mess.
Then there’s the former marine rock band. They gave an adequate performance, but nothing that registered “These guys will be storming the radio tomorrow”. But they’re ex-military, so they get the sob-story montage and pity vote.
Oh, and we actually did get the men’s review team, four guys in their velvety 300 outfits without shirts. Yeah, I’m with Howie and Howard there. That’s not the kinda act to encourage for the show. Unless we get the equivalent from the ladies. Where are the topless women dance teams?
And what about the guy who was going to teach the audiences to samba? Where’s the talent? There’s no act there. He had a samba track played and started dancing on stage, and asked the judges and audience to dance along. And so the judges turned it into this giant stage party danceathon, and everybody had fun, but where’s the act? Did he get through?
Cute. I was busy fast forwarding through the backstage crap, so I didn’t hear about him being gay, though I did see the weepy bit. He seems like he can sing opera well, and I’m glad the audience can appreciate talent even if they don’t know much about the subject - I certainly don’t know much about the subject, but he had a strong voice. But it’s opera.
The Indiana guy had some fascinating moves and a good stage presence in his act.
The two dwarf Indian Jesus’s I didn’t know what to think. First, it’s hip-hop, so that’s not something I care for. Second, they’re riffing on Native American cliches, which wouldn’t be good coming from someone else, but since they’re Indians, I guess it’s okay. It was kinda catchy - “Do the Rain Dance, Do the Rain Dance”. They were pretty good at their moves and lines. I’d have put them through and let America sort it out later.
And that’s probably my strategy on certain categories. The purpose of the auditions is not to pick the winner, the purpose of auditions is to weed out no-talents and lame acts from people who do have talent. I’m okay with setting some kind of threshhold bar, and why that one singer/guitarist (the one that didn’t have the squirmies) didn’t pass muster. On acts where their talent isn’t on my faves list, I’d be tempted to let the audience sway me, if they show some ability I’d pass them through and let America sort them out later.
Question: how do the auditions work? Do they have some number of approvals from each location? See everybody who shows up? Have a 1 day audition schedule and see as many as they can in that time frame? I don’t know enough about the dynamics of the audition process.
I’m not sure about them. I mean much of their appeal is being 10 year olds. They were kinda cocky. They were pretty good for children, but will that translate to a Million dollar act? I don’t think they’re that good.
But I could totally get hanging out with MelB and Heidi. Especially if we could hang out back stage, and not have to go sit on stage and judge acts. Go away Howies, I’m busy here.
Cut and pasting the act’s names from here Kelsey and Bailey (dancing dog) - Cute, but I don’t see a million dollar act unless they can really step things up. David Ferman - Pretty good. Not much juggling, so he could have left that out completely, but maybe he’ll include it more in his next performance? Chicago Boyz - Pretty good, although seeing all those jumprope tricks made me think of grade or middle school. Although some of what they did was one step up from that. 2Unique - I couldn’t believe both were 10. I thought the little one was 6 or so. I couldn’t watch because their physical performance made me cringe, but their singing/rapping was pretty good, but I don’t know about a million dollar good. Sully Dunn (played the college bashing song) - That was not very good. I’m surprised he made it through. I think he has potential, but he really, really, needs to practice more and polish up his act. Brandon James (opera singer) - He was good. I’m starting to burn out on opera singers though, to be honest. David Fenley - Pretty good rendition of “Just too Close”. Anybody else think of ZZ Top when they saw him? Dylan Wilson - I wasn’t impressed with his “Animation” style dancing. I’ve seen dancing like that before. Better dancing, I might add. Hunk O Mania’s International Men of Steel - It’s obvious why the ladies liked them, but boy did they suck. Thank goodness for Howie and Howard. Lil Mike and Funny Bone - B Double O -T-Y…Uh, I mean, do the rain dance. The rap was kind of catchy, but way too repetitive. I don’t see them going far. American Hitmen - I liked their performance. The singer has a great voice and can hold a note. I did find it cheesy when he started gushing over Hedi though.
Well, this week proved that America’s Got Hillbillies!
First up was a guy from the backwoods with an accent so thick, he made Gomer Pyle sound like a snooty member of the Royal Family in comparison. He sang an original song, “Coal Keeps The Light On”…extolling the virtues of coal mining and burning coal to keep spoons full of food for his baby or something…but in real life, he was only a coal miner for a short time before deciding it was too dangerous, and thus went into the far safer profession of US Marine. That was the magic word – and shockingly, the Howies and non-Howies were thrilled to put through a Veteran…what are the odds of that happening?!
But wait, it got better! Then we had the cutest little girl who probably lives up the road from the coal miner/Vet, and when asked what she would do with a million bucks, her answer was to buy a big ass shotgun and shoot a million real-life bucks. Yep, she wants to hunt them big bucks (and said you shouldn’t shoot little “Bambi’s” – how cute) and can hardly wait to get her own shotgun and buck blind, or whatever the hell those hidden forts are called to hide in and shoot deer. What a little charmer she was – but never fear, you will get to see her in Vegas…wonder if she will practice taxidermy while singing her next song?
I am sure Paula Dean is sending them her book, “100 Ways To Prepare Roadkill” as we speak.
Then we had three guys in tuxedos…were we going to get another group who read the Opera Memo? Nope…they brought out a fat guy….easily 300 pounds….who took off his shirt and then, like a fraternity of Blue Men Group in a hazing ritual, they did a percussion performance, slapping the fat guy’s belly and back to a snappy rhythm. Oh the fun. Yep – they got through. Now that we have seen the drum corps, I can hardly wait until one falls to his knees in front of the fat guy to become the bugle corps.
Let’s see – there was another little girl with a pink sparkly guitar who sang a mediocre song, and sadly, the old dude who likes to blow himself up in a tin foil box didn’t get put through. However, they did certainly get another circus act – a literal three ring circus of ice skaters (actually, plastic skaters as it wasn’t ice on the floor) and an aerial act…I think our circus is about ready to bring in the clowns.
Pedophile viewers were not short changed during this show either…had another cute girl group of dancers in hooker makeup again, plus two tots who did ballroom dancing, swaying those hips and shaking that kiddie booty. I think To Catch A Predator is going to secretly send free tickets to the Vegas performances…easy scam to get that front row filled with men wearing nothing but trench coats.
There was an impressionist who seemed fairly good, but they are holding off showing his performance until Vegas so you only got to see a small snippet. And there was a band…street performers in NYC who I wonder how much money they earn, as they were not all that swell…and then some guys experimenting with video screens and lights…nice idea, but a little bit inexperienced.
Howie Mandel was supposedly late, and oh the hilarity when it showed him having difficulties finding the stage…I am sure viewers were rolling in the aisles from laughter watching that bit….at least if they had been smoking some good weed.
Next week, tune in to see the Howies and non-Howies decide to single-handedly end the war in Afghanistan by sending ALL of the troops to Vegas!
Little Gun Girl was amazing. There was something natural about her voice and her timing. The song seemed to flow from her mouth, she did it better than Underwood. Gomer Pyle will be very successful in life, they should start building his theater in Branson. The little dancing kids were very entertaining, they can’t win it all, but they showed more talent than many contestants. The lame comic at the end was entertaining in a stupid way. He was doing Howie Mandel type humor, but unlike Howie he’s funny when he does it.
Don’t know why Nick isn’t a judge, he knows more about talent than the judges they have. It feels weird to say this, but I miss Piers.
I am not ashamed (well, maybe a little) to say that I loved the sumo-slapping percussion team. Stupid, yes. But hilarious. Did you see how red that poor guy’s belly was at the end? I want to see more. (I’m a bit surprised, though, that that the man who brought the world Butt Bongo Fiesta, and was the champion of “Horse, the guy who hits himself in the nuts” didn’t give them a yes.)
First off, Howie was running late. So for a few acts, they had three judges and the old 2 yes’s to go to Vegas. I was half expecting Howie to pop out of the first act or something. I can understand some unusual string of circumstances to make him late, but didn’t like the gag with him lost backstage and nobody would show him where to go. Let me get this straight, you’re there with a camera crew following you around and filming everything, but none of them will tell you where the stage is? Right…
The Kentucky guy had a squirrelly voice to go with his accent, and yes the sob story of being a coal-miner (breifly, not said how long) followed by a Marine (because if I’m going to be risking my life, might as well be for my country) where he learned to play guitar in his down time. He did sing an original song. Yes it was schmaltzy and patriotic and all, but that is authentic country music. And country isn’t my thing, but I can tell he’s got a good voice for the genre.
Similarly, the country girl who wants a deer camp to shoot big bucks was amusing, and she sang pretty well for country music.
I didn’t care for the body percussionists. And he was at least 500 lbs. I mean, it was somewhat amusing, but I can’t see that as anything more than a gag, and don’t want any more of it. Sadly they put them through.
The belly-dancing contortionist was very hippy-dippy. As Howie said, she had great contortionism but the belly-dance wasn’t that good. She wasn’t the skinny rail-thin type you normally see for contortionists, either. I loved her justification, that she didn’t want a choreographed performance because she wanted to be loose and free and go with the moment. I think she has potential as a contortionist, if there’s an act to be had there, but what we saw wasn’t really a structured act, just her getting into weird poses. Three judges voted no, but Howie got her.
I liked the girl with the sparkly guitar. She did a uniquely creative rendition of a pop song, with a curious blend of softer smooth bits, some occassional grit in her voice, and really belting out a few places. I’d love to see her on The Voice. MelB cautioned her on choosing her variations carefully and not overdoing the power, but I think she was pretty much perfect in her choices with the song, just enough to see what she can do, but blended with softer more angelic stuff.
There was a puppet act that was odd - guy dressed in black with an odd-looking puppet, followed by a giant squirrel puppet walking out on stage and eating the other puppet. It got Xed - I thought the squirrel was interesting, but the rest of the act dumb.
There was another gag that didn’t make it I kinda liked. Guy brought out a large box, spilled his “puppet” that was his female partner out, tried to pick her up and put her in the box. There was an odd blend of contortion and humor in the gag, until she did a shoulder stand and back-walked into the box. I guess I like it mostly because it’s similar to a gag I and another guy did in high school, him being my “puppet”.
The guy who exploded himself - so Superdave Osborne grew a beard and grew shorter. Yeah, it was dangerous - he crawled in a box, set off explosives, and blew up the box with himself inside. But I agree that it didn’t really have much of an act, a stage presence, a story to set it up. Seemed weird. But yeah, I’m just thinking Superdave Osborne.
The little girl dancers, looks like we found some girlfriends for the little shirtless Italian boys. And another set of ballroom dance kids. Both doing moves that shouldn’t be coming from underage girls. Though that dancer did have some real attitude.
Didn’t show us much of the impressionist who did pretty well. The light-show dancers had a new idea, maybe needs more dance to the routine, but it’s not been done before.
The family band siblings, I didn’t watch the backstage, were they adopted? Anyway, a 15, 16, 18, 19, and 21 year old doing singing and playing. The needed more music in the group. Wasn’t spectacular.
Oh, and I kinda liked the old guy comedian at the end. He was doing prop humor, basically what Carrot Top made a career out of. Yes, his jokes were corny, but I was laughing and enjoying it. “Stool softener”. “The B Train”. “Colorblind”.
That’s a bit harsh. Certainly authentic southerners.
DMark, do you watch voluntarily, or is there someone else at your house who likes to watch it and you have no choice?
Some observations and opinions:
Olivia Rox - Pink guitar - I thought she did a good job. Too bad she picked a Justin Bieber song, but no-one is perfect.
Tummy Talk - That poor sumo guy. Getting slapped in the belly didn’t look too bad, but getting slapped in the face. Ouch. I’m surprised they went through. I really didn’t see that as a million dollar act. Hopefully they step up their game next time.
Fresh Faces - From what little of the act was shown I wouldn’t have sent them through. They were good, but not $1,000,000 good.
Jim Meskimen - Impressionist - He was good, I’m glad he went through. Comedians don’t seem to go very far, so my hopes aren’t too high.
Alex Magala - “Extreme breakdancing” - I felt mixed. Even though the sword was short, there was still a chance he could cut himself, so there was some danger. Yet, because he had to be so careful his breakdancing was too subdued.
SensEtion - Dance/projection group - I agreed with Howard and Mel. They have potential. I thought what they did was fine for an audition. Although, to be honest, for practicing for a year I thought they could have done better. But I think they deserved to go through and show us what else they got.
Yasha & Daniela - 9 year old ballroom dancers - A little age inappropriate in my opinion, but not as bad as some of the other acts in the last few weeks. Performance wise, they were OK, but not that great. I would have voted no.
Jimmy Rose - He’s 32 year old. 32 YEARS old Jimmy, YEARS! It’s funny, he had three options upon graduating. Coal mines, Marines, or college. Not once did college cross his mind. Or maybe he knew he wouldn’t get in? Anyway, I liked his singing and his voice. Although his praises to coal was a little :dubious:, being a down-home country boy from a coal mining town, I guess it made sense.
Captain Explosion - He went in a box that exploded, and yet, I found it boring.
Chloe Channell - 11 year old singer - I thought she did pretty good.
212 Green - Seemed a little young to be inspired by the Spice Girls. Anyway, I thought they did pretty good. Didn’t care for that rap break in the middle (or whatever it was), but over-all, I thought they deserved to go through.
And finally, that lady in the balloon like contraption. Looked like she belongs in Circ de soleil.
I watch this show with my 9-year-old, who – because he’s 9 years old – hasn’t seen much of this stuff before. But the judges have been around long enough that you’d think they wouldn’t be so impressed with very run of the mill, ordinary, somewhat-talented-maybe-but-nothing-special acts.
The little kid ballroom dancers, the little girls dressed like whores who do a dance routine – you can can see those any weekend you want at your local Ramada Inn. And they will be every bit as good (or not good) as those who are hailed on this show as some kind of incredible prodigies.
The same goes for the so-so choirs you can find at any church or social group, the circus acts that you can see at any third-rate circus, and on and on. Wasn’t it last year that they were all agog over the guy who shot himself out of a cannon? Like it was the first time they’d ever heard of such a thing? Have they never been to Ringling Brothers? Or even heard of circus acts?
If the judges went to a choir competition or a cheer sport tournament and saw act after act after perform at the same level as shown on this show, they wouldn’t be so quick to assume they’re looking at some extraordinary level of talent. I mean, do they really think that those weird little ballroom dancing kids are the only ones that do that? They’re a dime a dozen at those ballroom competitions.
I do agree with this part. I find them to be very disingenuous in their praise, or else they are unqualified to judge a talent contest in the first place.
However there are many dancers, singers, acrobats, etc., in the world. I don’t think this contest is meant to be finding the very best one, but it should pick out the acts that demonstrate entertaining talent. Some of the little dancing kids do show that, and even though I’ve never seen any on the show that I think should be the overall winners, they qualify to compete.
I have the right to be stupid, too! Wait. I got suckered thinking it would be about talent, not weepy stories.
Forgot about him. Yeah, I feel similarly. Theoretically, mixing the sword swallowing with breakdancing ups the ante on both of those activities. Practically, his breakdancing wasn’t very good because of the sword. Not very entertaining.
Not everyone is college material. Further, he may not have financially been able to swing it. Small coal-mining town, no discussion of his family situation, likely didn’t have resources for him to go full time without working, and probably not good enough grades to swing scholarships. Very likely it was something that didn’t appeal to him. May not feel it’s something he could do successfully.
And sure, the praise of coal seems a bit much, but I think it speaks authentically to his experience as a small town coal miner. It’s what people where he’s from do to make a living, and it’s a hard life. So they cling to the importance of their job, because otherwise they’re slaving away in a dangerous profession with hard labor and low wages just because it feels good.
My thought exactly.
Yeah, I’m getting that, too. If you’re judging a high school talent fair or local PBS show, then these folks are pretty good. But there’s lots of them across the country. They have talent, but is it talent worth a Million dollars and a contract deal in Vegas?
Last night was final auditions night.
The machete mariachi dancers - ho hum. I mean, dancing with sharp knives is somewhat interesting, but they weren’t particularly aggressive with them. This appears to be some cultural activity that these kids have some minor experience and no real skill. But they have a cute 5 year old doing it with butter knives instead of sharp machetes, so they have the cute factor. I wouldn’t have put them through, but the judges did.
Timber Brown - the acrobat climber guy. Interesting that Mel B worked with him before. She recused herself, which I thought was reasonable since she’s effectively had a much longer audition by him. Though that shouldn’t be a factor after this. I thought he had a great demonstration of strength and agility. I loved his final move. I was impressed. Also, we don’t have Piers Morgan this year, so there’s no automatic dismissal because he’s a guy doing pole dancing instead of a woman doing pole dancing. Plus, he doesn’t have the overt homosexuality displayed by the guy Piers hated. This guy was a good pass through.
Skilyr Hicks was another young singer with an original song. She did well. She probably could use a few years, but getting into the next round is okay.
Then there’s the doctor ventriloquist, who is a gastroenterologist - a colon doctor. That’s right, the guy who sticks his hand up people’s asses is a ventriloquist. I bet his check ups are a riot. His ventriloquism wasn’t bad, but the colon puppet was kinda gross. His jokes were somewhat funny, but overall I can’t see that act going anywhere. As a public service announcement tool, it might have worth, but as pure entertainment, it isn’t going to work.
But I love how he happens to be Howard Stern’s personal doctor, and Howard recused himself on the grounds that he isn’t going to vote No on a guy so intimate with his posterior.
Then there was the black country singer. That voice was totally unexpected. Very traditional country voice, nice and smooth. Good for him.
And finally was an old lady who looks a bit like Howard Stern who had a major Howard Stern crush. She comes out on stage and is giddy and bubbly over auditioning for Howard. She’s signing a song for him, “Hot Stuff”. So he goes up on stage, and she sings. It’s dreadful, but I’m glad the judges didn’t X her and let her play it out. She got her 90 seconds of glory with Howard Stern, and then they could tell her to leave. Good on them.
Now we’re off to the [del]circus[/del] Vegas shows.
Am I the only one that noticed that by Howard and Mel recusing themselves for their respective pre-acquainted acts that they effectively just voted yes? You need 3 yes’s to go to vegas. When 1 judge sits out, you need 2 of the other 3. That’s exactly the same as the sitting out judge voting yes!
Not sure how else to do it that’s fair. Making the sitting out judge an auto-no instead seems harsh. Maybe they should have had Nick sub in?
And the final auditions - America’s Got Leftovers.
Snippets of the good (gotta keep a few secrets for the “real” shows) and drawn out performances by the bad.
The cute Gay boys were fun to watch intertwined in the air - but then again, neither they nor the black dude singing Country and Western are going to exactly get a whole bunch of votes from the Red States.
We got plenty of circus acts now, plus enough people to fill the freak show tents, and more kiddies than the Pied Piper could lure into the woods…so it is off to Vegas!
Won’t be the first time this town is overrun with delusional tourists hoping to win big.
The impressionist Jim Meskimen was good, but he’s far from amateur: Jim Meskimen - IMDb . I recognized him right away, though I couldn’t place him until I googled.
I guess they’ve never explicitly said you have to be a non-professional, but geez, if this guy is eligible then I guess Mariah Carey can audition just for kicks.
Terry Fator was also a professional (though not very successful until he was on the show). There’s no restriction to amateurs. Other professionals have been on the show, the magician Kevin James was on in one of the early seasons, he’s been around for years. I imagine someone like Mariah Carey would get discouraged from being a contestant somehow.
I got suckered thinking it would be about talent, not weepy stories.