I get lots of baby/wedding shower invites from people I barely know. Often they are emailed to everyone they know with the link to the registry. Sometimes they are handed out at work, with the registry links helpfully included. Sometimes they understand that people are too busy, so will just put their list with the invite.
While I appreciate the registry because it helps me find a nice gift if I have no clue, I just feel like emailed invites with registries included are a gift grab.
Today, while I was opening my snail mail, I came across a hand addressed, pink hallmark card. I didn’t recognize the return address and was very supprised to find a baby shower invitation for someone I worked with about 6 years ago. We got along and went out to lunch, but we lost track of each other after we got different jobs a hundred miles apart.
The shower is being given by a friend of hers and an aquantaince of mine. Usually they are given by the recipient or their families.
I did enjoy working with her, so I thought I’d get something in the $20 range off her registry. Oh, wait, there is no list and no registry links.
How rare is this? Someone is actually paying attention. Of course, tomorrow, I’m going to call to say that I can’t attend, but would like to buy something from the registry.
Nothing at all like my ex-friend who had her third wedding, didn’t invite anyone, did a “destination” wedding across the country, and then sent out announcements to everyone she knew with two registries listed! Ex-friend, indeed.
Whaaat?? I had a “destination wedding” and I didn’t expect anything from anybody. Ugh, the greed of some people.
flatlined, thanks for posting this. With so many stories of greed and bad etiquette surrounding baby & wedding showers this is truly refreshing. Classy people still exist!
Actually, from what I’ve read in advice columns, I thought it was improper for the recipient or her family to host the shower and that it was supposed to be hosted by a close friend.
Personally I think the lack of registry sucks. What are you supposed to get them? How are you supposed to make sure that you don’t get tons of duplicate items?
What if someone gets you something totally wrong/inappropriate/duplicate from some off-the-wall store that you can’t access? How are you supposed to return it?
I think registries are extremely handy - and I’ve never been a bride or a mom, I’m just speaking as a gift-giver. People put all sorts of stuff on their registry at every price point. I always feel confident that I both got stuff that they needed/wanted and something that suited our relationship.
If there is a registry - I see the OP expects to call and find that there is one - not including the info in the invite then adds more work on the hostesses. Since it’s being thrown by a friend, now she’ll have to deal with 50 people she doesn’t know calling and asking “Where is she registered?” Ack.
And props to me for throwing a shower for my friend and hand-writing the invites
I’ve gotten married and had a baby in the last five years. We didn’t include registry information in the wedding invitation, shower invitation, or birth announcements.
You would not believe the wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from people who had to “figure out” where we were registered etc. People expected that information to be in their invitation.
The last baby shower to which I was invited, was at work. I had never spoken to her and didn’t know she was pregnant, actually.
The kicker was the wording of the entirely printed invitation. ‘We’ve already had two girls and don’t need anything. Macy’s gift cards will be great.’ That’s almost verbatim.
Some people, who didn’t know her any better than I, went and brought gift cards. No thank you notes, not even a verbal thanks. And you were expected to drop your gift card in a bag on your way in.
It is considered crass to include registry information in an invitation. The guests are supposed to think about what the person might want and need and if unable to decide, to ask the person hosting the event, who should theoretically never be an immediate family member. Aunt or cousin is OK, but no closer. Of course, almost no one even knows, let alone follows those customs. And in today’s world it sometimes isn’t possible.
If anyone has a suggestion on how to kill the horrid, horrid trend of having the guests address their own thank-you notes, I’m all ears. :mad: :mad: :mad:
Including the register in the invites is pretty much saying “give me stuff”. It just seems rude to many people. As a gift giver, I also appreciate gift registries.
The hostesses are also using the phone calls to get the RSVP’s. If I have to call to get the registry lists, she will (and did) ask if I was able to attend.
Good on you for the hand written invitations. I was very impressed with this one.
