Was hoping to get folks’ opinions about a baby shower invite I received recently. I’m finding myself having somewhat negative reaction to it, and thinking a little less of the parents to be as a result, and was just curious how terribly out of line I am being.
In short, the shower is for a nephew and his wife who live in Texas. I live in Illinois. The nephew and his wife are both extremely successful, working for a very large corporation. I guarantee that both of them make well over $200k. In short, IMO, they can buy pretty much anything they want. They recently bought a home costing over $1 mill.
The registry includes:
$1300 glider/rocker
2 strollers costing $600 and $1k
2 bassinets costing $400 and $1700
lululemon high rise leggings (not nursing clothes or anything - just freaking clothes for the mom!)
toddler toys that MIGHT be appropriate for a 3-yr old
And the list goes on and on. Sure, there are sleepers and packages of disposable diapers if you wish to give lower priced gifts.
I guess it just strikes me as gauche for folk who are as wealthy as this young couple to be putting out a list like this. Moreover, I’m amazed at the amount of STUFF they want to have - in their quite small home. My sister spoke with the mother of the nephew, and IIUC, the mother to be had said something about being able to sell some of the lightly used gifts as used when they no longer need them.
For context, the families of both parents are IMO solid middle to upper middle class. With the exception of one BIL who was quite successful, I would imagine that the incomes of the 2 parents to be are higher than any of the invitees. Just saying, this isn’t the Trump family.
I really like and respect the parents to be, tho we see each other infrequently, and had thought our values not entirely inconsistent.
So, would you have any negative reaction to what I describe?
None whatsoever. They made a wish list. It’s very likely that they are now in a social circle that is as comfortably financially as they are. If they have invited people that can afford to buy a $1,300 rocker, good on them. If they don’t they will buy the rocker themselves. It doesn’t in any way change what your response has to be. Buy them the gift you feel comfortable with, and leave it at that.
Buy the leggings and get in good with the mom for the price of getting what looks to be the cheapest thing on the list (~$99). Before someone else buys it for her and gets away with being the cheapskate.
Cool. Looking forward to seeing if everyone else feels this is just ducky.
We are going to give the same gift we have given other nieces and nephews - a teething toy.
I guess I’m not a big fan of extensive baby/wedding shower and wedding registries. The one I disliked the most was a niece who said instead of gifts they would prefer cash so they could pay off their mortgage. Not pay down - pay off!
Trying to think back to what we may have gotten at our baby shower. ISTR a lot of onesie outfits, bibs, rattles/teethers, and “supplies.” Maybe my sisters or our parents got together to buy a stroller or a travel crib. I do remember getting a used crib for free from one of my wife’s cow-orkers.
Seems that in the past 30 years or so, folk have just gone to an incredible level in terms of desiring great amounts of expensive “STUFF”.
I gave one of those at the last baby shower I was invited to. It is a classic.
I think your response is just what mine would be. Enjoy that, BTW, I rarely agree with you that thoroughly.
My now 7yo granddaughter got one (from me) and indeed it was used a lot. She still keeps it on her bookshelf because it is artistically well done and pretty to look at. Highly functional and durably beautiful in one piece, a rarity nowadays for that price.
Ok so I will confess here I hate baby showers and wedding showers and all showers in principle. I never let on in real life though, I promise!
You decided to have a baby/wedding, how is it my problem to fund it? I am actually ok with buying diapers, those are constantly expensive
It is often people who have the money asking for shit. I just went to a wedding this year, the wedding must have cost at least $100K, now you are asking me for a $250 gift? I did buy it because they are cousins
I am never going to have kids and when I got married I did not have a wedding registry (and people got MAD at me for not having one!) so it will never be reciprocated in any way
I do partake. I mean I do buy the things off the list and attend the party (though I am thankfully old enough to avoid most baby showers now). But it does feel like such a greedy gift grab.
So, the relatively well off couple is throwing a party, and inviting their mostly well off friends and family… And they have a registry that has some expensive items for their high class friends and family to buy… But they included some cheaper stuff for other people to buy if they want to, so they don’t have to either spend too much money or feel left out…
I wouldn’t have a negative reaction , except maybe about the two strollers and two bassinets. And only those because you don’t need two of those particular items (unless one of the “bassinets” is actually a travel crib or something like that. But in my family, the $1300 rocker and so on wouldn’t be there for cousins or friends - it would be there for grandma and great-grandma and maybe a very close aunt or two. If all the gifts on the registry were $50 or less, these people would buy at least ten.
What I have negative feelings about are the showers for people who already have a two year old. You should still have the crib, stroller , etc.
I don’t have kids or siblings. I haven’t been to a baby shower in 50 years. Frankly, I’ve never been around babies, ever. I’ve never even changed a diaper.
With that as a given–
My late husband’s grandson and wife are having their first baby (today, as a matter of fact!), so by the end of the day I will be a step-great-grandmother. My husband and I got married the same year this grandson (the new dad) was born, so I’ve known him his whole life. I didn’t go to their baby shower, because I had an event I could not miss that day, and they understood and were fine with that.
I wanted to give them something nice that I know they want and (how can I say this?) I wanted it to be something not-cheap. Most people of the child-generation look to the parental-generation for the more high-dollar gifts, and this is the first time I’ve ever been in this position. I have NO IDEA what people with newborns want these days-- not the slightest. So I was glad there was a registry. I looked for something fairly impactful. I ordered from amazon and sent it to their house.
The registry is a wish list, not a list of demands like a ransom note. It’s for people who are looking for something that the couple actually wants. Having all price ranges is good. There might be some people who want to give something expensive-ish, even if the new parents could afford it themselves.
I love this! When I got married we made sure to only put things on our registry that were affordable. For instance, we chose china that was $35/setting. (That was 36 years ago…) I hated scrolling through others’ lists not finding anything I could afford.
I think the OP said that one of the bassinets cost $1,700, so my guess is that it’s a Snoo, which is a bassinet that will automatically rock the baby to sleep when he or she is restless. I’ve heard it’s really awesome in that it helps the parents not have to wake up repeatedly to comfort the baby, but yes, it’s a lot of money. The company does offer the option of renting it for $160 per month. (I have a co-worker whose baby is due in a couple of months, so I’m considering what to buy for him and his fiancé.)
Anyway, I’m on the side of, “a range of prices is good”. I had a problem with a wedding i attended recently where everything on the gift registry had been purchased except stuff that was way too cheap. I mean, the kitchen scrubbie they asked for is terrific. I’d just used that very model in a friend’s house, and it holds a supply of dish soap and everything… But I’m not giving a $5 item that will wear out in a year as a wedding present.
A nice teething toy sounds like a perfect present.
Also, in defense of wedding presents and baby showers: there are times in your life when you suddenly need a lot more stuff. When you start you own household, and have your first baby are two common such times. And traditionally, people started household when they got married, even if that’s less often true these days.
So those big gift-giving events are opportunities for people whose lives are on a more even keel to help other accumulate the domestic capital they need when they need it. I realized this when i got married, and people have me all sorts of useful stuff (towels, dishes, even a kitchen table) and i realized that i would never have an opportunity to give ANYTHING in exchange to most of those people. They were older, more established, and… Maybe I’d give them a holiday card or something, but I’d never pay back that generosity. So since then I’ve paid it forwards, and I’ve enjoyed giving people nice wedding presents and baby presents. Even if the couple has a good income, a first baby is going to put a strain on that.
My younger son is having their baby shower next month. I bought several affordable items from their registry on Amazon.
I also bought the mom a nice lavender relaxing body lotion. Somtimes mom gets a little neglected, and I think it’s nice to give something non-baby related.
), so by the end of the day I will be a step-great-grandmother. My husband and I got married the same year this grandson (the new dad) was born, so I’ve known him his whole life. I didn’t go to their baby shower, because I had an event I could not miss that day, and they understood and were fine with that.