I stand corrected.
What I meant was she was an old bitch with new money.
carry on 
jar
Can you blame her husband, the necrophiliac, for skipping this one?
Hey, Jarbabyj, one of Santa’s helpers told me that Twatplugs, and Snooty Bitches, will be getting lumps of anthracite and bags of switches for Christmas this year.
Nice rant, bye the way.
Oh, my god. If there is one thing better than a jarbaby rant, it’s what the rant inspires!
Stop! I’m dying, over here!
The perfect combination of vitriol and humor. A 10! Kudos to Jarbaby! Mad Props! Hooray!!
BTW, I read it loud to the Better Half here at the other computer in the dining room, and he’s still Rolling On The Floor Laughing His Ass Off. It was the “fucking Elf Balloon” that pushed him over the edge and onto the floor.
He says, “Tell Jarbaby I’m not gonna let my wife play with her anymore if she’s gonna teach her language like that.”
I’ve thought and thought, and I still think the best response to her as she flounced off in a huff would be,
“And a very blessed and happy Thanksgiving to you, too, Ma’am”
Of course, if Cranky had been there, I would have stammered and yammered and come up with something profound like “Uh, gee, you’re a bitch.” Said under my breath and only when she was 50 feet away, because I’m such a wuss.
Poor Norman Maclain only got to be haunted by waters. We get to be riveted by the jarimage of a rich rouged rectum getting medieval on an I beam.
Why does Valley Forge suddenly sping to mind?
Lovely, belladonna, just lovely. If you’re not a writer, you should be.
(Lovely rant to jarbaby as well, of course.)
Oh, God, that rant literally knocked me out of my chair. And I mean literally literally, not figurativly literally. I was on my back, under the table, reading all the price tags and CD stickers I’ve stuck under there over the years. Oh, lordy, I haven’t laughed so hard since the Christmas Uncle Ed got plastered and fell off the dock. “You will suffer the consequences.” As Val Kilmer once said, “Who talks like that?”
“You will suffer the CONSEQUENCES!”
What a flaming sack of ho! What gets me is that she insisted that because she was volunteering her services you should check her right in – never mind the fact that everyone patiently waiting in line is also volunteering their services (I’m assuming), and should also be checked right in.
The consequences … heh heh … reminds me of the time some lady was giving my mom crap about refusing to issue her a library card (she had no ID or proof of address), and as she flounced out the clitnugged exclaimed, “Well! When I marry Donald Trump, you’ll regret this!”
Um yeah lady whatever move along.
Zette with a melonballer, leaping over the table and right there in front of all Mrs. Mason Twatplug’s NEW MONEY friends, lustily start dishing up a heapin’ helpin’ of thanksgiving fixin’s, shouting, “How’s THIS for consequences, pigfucker?!”
You might have to keep your Christmas by - oh horror! - by losing your unpaid volunteer situation! Heaven forfend!
ROFLMAO!
Brilliant!
Actually, I thought of the Ben Folds Five song, “One Angry Dwarf,” only slightly modified.
Now I’m big and important
One angry elf and
A self-righteous smelly-twat buttplug are you
If you really wanna see me
You excuse for a VD
Look who’s telling who what to do
Kiss my ass…goodbye…
(with apologies to Ben Folds, who I’m going to see tomorrow night)
Um, if Ms. Mason is such friends-of-the-Fields, then p’raps she might now that THEY HAVEN’T OWNED THE GODDAMN PLACE FOR LEAST 20 YEARS! Since 1990, Field’s has been a unit of what is now known as Target Corporation (neé Dayton-Hudson). Prior to that it was a unit of BATUS, (“British American Tobacco - U.S.,” which for some reason owned a lot of department stores in the early 80s), and I think there were a few non-family owners prior to BATUS, too.
Marshall Field, Marshall Field 2nd and Marshall Field 3rd all all quite dead; the link explains that neither 2 nor 3 involved himself in the family business. So who the hell does she know, anyway? Some 8th-cousin-thrice-removed with a photostatic copy of an 1890 Marshall Field stock certificate?
I don’t see anything wrong with fur. Mr zoogirl gave me a beautiful chinchilla a couple years ago. So soft and luxurious. She bit, though.
Oh, wait, you don’t mean…? :eek:
THAT BITCH!!! 
Great Rant!!
I’ve read Anthracite when she’s pissed off. I don’t want any of those lumps.
You can hear David read it here.
WWJD? As in, “What Would Jarbabyj Do” ?
How do I keep ending up in Pit threads?
Nobody’s getting any of my lumps.
[sub]Except Fierra…[/sub]
Hell, Polycarp, it made me think of jarbabyj in an elf costume.
Yes, with the ears.
::droooooooool::
And I am tempted to make “But sometimes the proper course, the right application of humility, compassion, and understanding is to call the arrogant SOB out on the carpet and read him/her the Riot Act.” my new sig, but I doubt it would go over well in GD or GQ:(