An Apology From the Past (very, very long)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Last night, I was talking to Ella, a friend of mine back home. She was telling me that she got a great new job and she surprised me by telling me that another old friend of ours, Matt, got a job working with her (Matt was a friend friend, not a boyfriend). She had told Matt that she was still in touch with me and that we speak on a monthly basis at the very least. He asked her for my number and told her he was going to call me so I gave her the go ahead to give him my information.

I talked with Ella a few minutes more and then we hung up . About 5 minutes later, the phone rang. It was a number from my home state that I didn’t recognize, so I assumed it was Matt. I had told my DH that he would probably call, and I was very giddy when the phone rang so quickly. I was also very eager to catch up on what he’s been up to since I saw him last a couple of years ago. With a happy heart, I answered my phone by saying “Hello” A man’s voice said “Don’t hang up on me”. And I, still thinking it was Matt said “ok, I won’t”. The man then said “really, please don’t hang up on me.” At this point I started thinking to myself “why does Matt keep asking me to not hang up on him…???” So again I said, “OK, I won’t hang up, I PROMISE.” He asked “Do you know who this is?” and I asked “is this Matt?”……………Silence……………………………more silence…then the answer came “No, this is Patrick”

This was me at that statement. -> :confused: I thought maybe he had the wrong number so then I asked, “Who is this again?”

and he replied “it’s me, Patrick McFakename”

This was me at that statement-> :eek: :eek: :mad: :eek: :frowning: Shock, surprise, anger, disgust and curiosity all in one. I have never felt so much emotion in the space of 2 seconds.

So, who is Patrick McFakename you ask? I dated him about 6 years ago when I was just out of college and he was still a student. Towards the end of our relationship, I had been away from home on a consulting job of sorts for several months, and while I was away, he stayed in my apartment, you know… watering plants, and keeping and eye on the place, rent free I might add.
Anyway, longstoryshort, I came home from the job a day early and upon trying to enter my apartment I caught an eyeful of Patrick on the couch with another woman, not wearing any clothes, doing whatever it is that naked people do on someone else’s couch when they think they won’t be home for another day. Needless to say, I was more than a little miffed.

I was extra miffed because I knew the girl he was with to be his ‘lesbian’ classmate. They did spend a lot of time together, but at that time, my best friend was a gay guy that I spent a lot of time with (fully clothed), so I thought nothing of them hanging out together ‘studying’.

Me =Naive.

But I digress…back to the phone conversation….

I held the phone to my ear and I was speechless. I couldn’t say anything.

He finally spoke up and was very polite. He asked how I was doing and asked some other things that I can’t recall simply because I was just wondering why in the world after almost 6 years he would call me,and then he came out with it.

“I’ve made some changes in my life and I’ve been thinking about you for a while and I just called to tell you that what I did to you was horrible. I really want to know if you will forgive me for hurting you. I was wrong and it has been weighing on my mind for a very long time. I just took a chance that you had the same cell phone number and I hope that you can forgive me.”

I told him that I had forgiven him a long time ago, that I had to so I could move on with my life.

Then there was banter for a few more minutes in which he learned that I now live in New York and not in my home state anymore…and that I’m married…and that I am HAPPY, and that even though things turned out the way they did, his actions helped lead me to where I am today with a guy who really cares about and loves me…and that I don’t regret anything that happened between us…

Now my memory is getting fuzzy because I just can’t get over the fact that he had the gazongas to call me up after all that time and apologize. I gotta give him credit for that.
So anyway. I don’t know what to think of all this. It’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I have closure to something that I thought was already closed. I don’t even know how I feel about it, I guess I just feel weird. Part of me knows that he called just to make himself feel better, but on this thought, I do not want to dwell.

Anyway, he said if I ever moved back home, or if I ever came to visit, he would like to have lunch or dinner, to ‘catch up on things’…I said, ‘maybe’ but I couldn’t say yes because I just really don’t ever want to see him again.

This was mundane and pointless I know, but I also think it’s funny that any ex of mine would spend any amount of time thinking about me and regretting letting me go. I kinda feel special.

And Patrick, if you ever find this message board and you read this, just know that I really did forgive you a long, long time ago, and if you hadn’t treated me the way you did, I wouldn’t know what to appreciate in the man I now have, and I certainly wouldn’t be where I am. Getting over you wasn’t easy by any means, and I don’t want to go through that heartache again, but what’s done is done, and I’m a better person for surviving it.

*names changed to protect the innocent and the guilty.
LSD

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Great post!

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He may be going through some 12 step program that requires him to apologise for things he did wring in the past. Just let it roll by.

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Closure is nice isn’t it? I’d say he grew up a bit and probably meant every word, without having anything mischiveous behind his words. Like another poster said, I’d let it go as well, hold it as a missing puzzel piece you never knew you lost, thats it and thats all.

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Thanks Zeldar. It really felt good to get this out in the open. I don’t really have a lot of people to tell, so thanks for the gentle nudge in starting the thread.

I agree. The closure was a good thing, and I know he had his reasons for calling, maybe 12 steps maybe not. At least he admitted to doing something wrong which is an amazing step. I’m just gonna let it go and do exactly what you proposed above.
Thanks for the replies.

6

So, did you ever hear from Matt?

Also, I’m glad he apologized. It’s nice to hear when people finally get it, and that they’re evolved enough to say they’re sorry.

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I knew someone would ask that eventually. I have not yet heard from Matt, but I’m sure that as soon as Ella actually gives him my number, he will call.

I have things to apologize to Matt for myself…like setting him up with another one of my friends who subsequently cheated on him and dumped him. :smack:

I hope he’ll forgive me.

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This is probably the first post containing the words “very long” in the title that I didn’t look to see how long it was first… just started reading it and I’m glad I did.

Mysterious phone calls, awkward silences, recollections from the past, lesbian classmates Just kidding.

Cheaters are losers, and I’m glad you’re happy now! Nobody deserves to go through that shit.

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Yup.

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It takes great courage to admit you were wrong. Even greater courage to apologize…years later.

Great post!

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I’ve really got to start taking some anti-cluelessness drugs or something. I thought you were saying that Patrick McFakeName was Matt, and you dated him six years ago without recognizing him because he had changed his name or something.

I’ll go sit in the corner now with a tall, pointy hat on my head (“I got a tall, pointy hat! Status, boy!”).

So, um, good, I guess.

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It’s early, and the coffee has probably not fully kicked in just yet. So I have to ask… you have a Designated Hitter?

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I had that thought, too, and decided it might be Dear Husband. Maybe Devoted Husband?

Whar else might fit?

Dancing Hyena
Delirious Hacker
Droning Horn
Dubious Houseguest
Drooping Hammock

:smiley:

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On mothering/parenting message boards I go to, DH usually means Dear Husband (or Damn Husband, as the case may be). Similarly, there is DD for Dear Daughter, DS, etc.

Here I think we’d have to have DC for Dear Cat; they seem to be such an absorbing topic.

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Shirley Ujest, just out of curiosity, did you happen to read Post #54 in this thread before you posted here?

If not, amazing!
If so, cool!

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My DH is my Drooling Hippo. (Just kidding) He is in fact, my Darling/Dear/Dang/ Darned/Dubious/ Dripping Husband.

Yesterday, I just felt sort of gooey inside, thinking about the phone call. It felt so surreal, as if it didn’t really happen and I had dreamed it all. But anyway, it did happen. In fact, my husband and I talked about what other things you might apologize for years after the fact.

At one point last night, I was in the bed and I became thirsty all of a sudden and I asked my husband if he would get a drink of water for me.

He told me ‘no’ (in a joking manner) and said that I know where the kitchen is.

I looked up at him with puppy dog eyes and said, “One day, six years from now you are going to regret not getting me that water. We’ll drift apart and you’ll wonder what went wrong with us. And you’ll remember that it was your refusal to bring your thirsty wife a drink of water. Then, every time you see a glass of water in a restaurant, on the kitchen counter, or in a commercial, you’ll think of me and you’ll wish you had walked into that kitchen, turned on the tap, and brought me a refreshing glass of water. You’ll pick up the phone, maybe 1,000 times before you call and ask me for forgiveness, but I’ll never forgive you. Never!”

He rolled his eyes and thought about it for a second. Then he got up and walked to the kitchen. He came back with an empty glass. I don’t think he’ll be calling me six years from now because I was too lazy to get my own water.

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Hmm, I’ll have to try that. I imagine I’ll get the same response.