An Apple computer walks into a bar...

Bartender says, “What’ll it be, Mac?”

Just sharin’. Post your own.

That’s a very un-PC joke.

Q. How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness™ as the new industry standard.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.


Q: What did Melinda Gates say right after her honeymoon with Bill?

A: Just two words: “Micro, soft.”

I usually surf the internet after dark…you could say I use my Nic At Night.

Take 2
How many microsoft programers does it take to change a light bulb?
insert 45 minutes of help desk muzak
NONE! _ that’s obviously a hardware issue!

3 Apple engineers and 3 Microsoft engineers are traveling to a conference by train. At the station, the Microsoft employees buy their tickets and notice the Apple engineers buy only 1 ticket. “How are 3 people going to travel on only 1 ticket?” asks a Microsoft guy. “Watch and see,” answers an Apple engineer, as they all board the train. The Microsoft engineers take their seats but all 3 Apple employees cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door calling, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and an arm emerges with a ticket in hand. the conductor takes it and moves on. The Microsoft employees saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea and after the conference, the Microsoft employees decide to copy the Apple crew and save some money. At the station, they buy just 1 ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Apple engineers don’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to travel without a ticket?” asks one perplexed Microsoft employee. “Watch and see,” answers an Apple engineer. When they board the train the 3 Microsoft employees cram into a restroom and the 3 Apple engineers cram into another one nearby. Shortly after the train departs one of the Apple engineers leaves his restroom, walks over to the restroom where the Microsoft employees are hiding, knocks on the door and calls out, “Ticket, please.”

There were three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer.

Suddenly, the car stops running and they pull off to the side of the road wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault may have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

The Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, came up with a suggestion. “Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, and open all the windows and see if it works?”

A number of people are traveling across the country in a helicopter. It becomes cloudy and foggy. The helicopter develops instrument problems, and the copilot needs to ask someone on the ground where they are. Just at this point, a parking lot comes into view. They descend towards the parking lot, and the copilot opens the window and yells down to some people on the ground, “We’re lost. Can you tell us where we are?” The people on the ground reply, “You are above a parking lot.”

The copilot thanks them, shuts the window, and says to the pilot, “I know exactly where we are. We are above Microsoft’s campus in Redmond.”

“How could you tell?” asks the pilot.

“Easy,” responds the copilot. “Their answer was perfectly correct, yet completely useless. It had to be Microsoft.”

A really old Apple computer walks into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says “Hi, Lisa!”

and one of two PCs sitting at a table turns to the other and says, “I like the look and feel of that!”