An Easter Warning (eggs)

i have tried, alas art and math are my kryptonite.
i checked our egg collection, and we still have a 1970 egg. i gave it a slight shake and didn’t hear anything so maybe they just take a long time to dry. i’m not taking any chances though.

Actually, that is the type of egg-decorating class I took. I still have all the stuff and try to make at least one of them a year. (I also managed to singe all the hair off my forehead melting the wax one year, but that’s another story.) My eggs are pathetic, compared to the fantastic, elaborate decorations produced by the masters. I usually end up with stripes and mis-shapen blobs; they get flowers, ducks, hearts, etc., etc. Maybe you have to be extra careful to get all the wax off?

That’s right folks! You no longer need to hide away an ostrich egg in your dirty clothes hamper for ten years to achieve that room-clearing, paint-peeling reek! My elder brother is the sole living possessor of the formula for the Elixir of Eighty Evil Essences, a compound redolent of a thousand years of festering forgotten Easter eggs. He stumbled across the formula in his youth (while tampering with certain secret chemicals in a high school laboratory), and rendered the entire complex uninhabitable by any form of life possessed of an olfactory sense (and some that aren’t) for two days.

Who needs eggs (or bomb threats) when you’ve got hydrogen sulfide? Unfortunately, the smell clung to him–I was assigned the joyous task of spraying him down with soap and icy hose water before our parents would let him in the house.

Folks, the art that Rocking Chair describes is called “pysanky” or “pysanki” and originated in the Ukraine. A Google search turns up wonderful specimens.