I dedicate this, my ten thousandth post, to the memories of those who are not with us today to read it.
I had been wondering for some time now how exactly I would commemorate this post. It is, as I look back, a milestone of which I am particularly proud. I do not celebrate it because I’ve “managed to post a lot without getting in trouble” or because I’ve figured out ways to get a lot of posts in a short period of time. I celebrate it because it is something I have stuck with, by choice, through a lot. So this is, now, my small attempt to give back in one post what I have been given (or what I have taken, perhaps:)) for the past three years ….
I came to this board as an outcast who was just finding his place in life (and certain parts of that, to be sure, had yet to be found). I was the ever-prototypical angst-riddled teen. I had not enjoyed copious joy nor even lengthy periods of complacence. The Straight Dope and this MB had been a sort of haven for me since I discovered the site on a whim (typed in “www.straightdope.com” just to see if it existed) back in my junior year of high school … around late 1997. But I didn’t feel that I’d belong at the message board for this website … I mean, the members had to be at least half as smart as Cecil, right?
I wanted to wait until there was a place where I could step in without also stepping on anyone’s toes. And for me, that place came on a night in June. Threadspotting featured a thread on the SETI@home project, and I downloaded the program but was unable to get it to work.
I registered that day for the sole purpose of getting help with making the thing work. If I had had no spare time that night I might be one in the horde of registered members with one or fewer posts, and my life would be drastically different (and probably much less enriched than it is now). I happened to catch a few other interesting threads and so I was born, a natural MPSIMSer. Shocking, I know;)
I felt a greater sense of belonging (both on the board and talking to fellow “dopers” online, a term I discovered not long after I joined) there than I have almost anywhere else in the world. I spent probably over 8 hours a day surfing the boards and talking to my newfound friends (some of whom are still active posters, some less-active and some who have, sad to say, disappeared almost totally from the face of the earth).
That sense of belonging has only grown stronger since June 6. There have been pitfalls. There have been very sad times, and sadder still. The tears of sadness I have had because of this place have almost outnumbered those of joy, of laughing, of almost pure ecstasy. As I think back on more than three years with some of the most worthwhile people I have ever met, I cannot help but think to myself “What in the world have I done to deserve any of this?” Whoever among you are familiar with my sense of self-worth know that the sense in me right now is very strong in saying “Not much …”
I have come to learn, in the past three years, due in great part to this place and you people, that this is not nearly as much the case as those I knew in the past might have me believe. You can fool some of the people all the time, yes, but you are no fools. I have come to know many of you in your posts, in your professional writing and work, in your daily lives, in your families and in your homes. And there are as many similarities as there are differences, but you are no fools. Of that I can be, and am, quite certain.
When I envisioned this thread a few months ago, I hoped my brain would be working on a list of people to thank. My best writing, you see, is done when I get an idea and my brain works on it until it is complete. “I Have Remembered Thee, Jerusalem” was the longest from start to finish, as it took the better part of two years from inception until I sat down and typed it out. “Mortality”, by comparison, took a few months. This post, in a sense, is the product of more than four years of reading much of what this message board (and Cecil himself) contained. And now that it has come time to write this, I do not have a list that does justice to the number of people to whom I am indebted in such ways as to defy description. I think I can only show you how much a home this has been by doing this:
To the moderators, administrators and anyone who has ever helped to keep this board running as smoothly as it has: Through your tireless efforts, whether during the Winter of Our Missed Content, or late at night catching yet another troll, or reminding someone yet again “Don’t be a jerk” … I come to you, and I know many others do, when something is wrong. Or might be wrong. Or even isn’t wrong, but needs to be looked into. You are as leaders should be: dedicated, loving, quick-witted and able to ban jerks. Would that there had been more of you in my life when I was growing up.
To those who continue to exude love instead of a dueling Bible, and whose message is not of whom you may specifically think less of but that you may think of everyone as holding a place with Him: thank you, in spite of those who sometimes give you a bad name, for being a testament to Him. You make it easier to think that God exists; even as those who claim to know Him push me away in other corners of life, your arms are longer and stronger and safer and gentler.
To those who have supported me: many of you have never met me in person, and many of those will not, for whatever reason. Ultimately, nothing requires you to give me the time of day. Thank you for being my friends.
To those who have argued with me or against me, or in my sight: thank you for educating me more than books or professors can. Thank you for showing me the truth and how to find it, and helping me figure out how to show it to others. I owe much of my success in college and in my daily life to you.
To those who were here and are gone now: I miss you more than I can put to words. Be well, wherever you are. Please come back soon.
To those who have let me into their lives: There are more of you here, who know me as a friend, than there are outside of this place. I know I have not done everything I could for you. My hope is that you see this shortcoming as an opportunity instead of a failure;)
To the one who has my heart: I can think of nothing that expresses how undyingly grateful I am to you for saying yes on that night last November. That one word meant and means more to me than anything else in life—past, present and future. In you I have found my home, my heart, my happiness, my comfort, my purpose and my safety. I only hope that at some point in my life I will be able to repay you.
Thank you all for letting me stay here this long.
