An ode to the Porn Hucksters

Now, I’m not one to stomp on anyone’s first amendment rights,
I think censorship at best is the least humane of fights.
To squelch the voice of new ideas hearkens things medieval,
And to stop the growth of intellect for “morality” is evil.

Without a voice to teach us we’d be little more than apes,
Swinging branch to branch and munching coconuts and grapes.
Our brains and minds and conscience give us abilities unmatched,
To reach for ever higher heights in the best plots ever hatched.

To help us on this golden path we’ve invented great machines,
From grinding mills and miracle pills to … 9 mm carbines.
But of all the great inventions from feeders, cures to shooters,
None passes in potential our magnificent computers.

The bulk of all our knowledge, once ferreted away
In libraries and college halls and the odd off-Broadway play,
Can now be scanned by anyone with a ‘puter and a phone
And suddenly Galileo, Bach and Einstein aren’t alone!

All the world’s a Guinness* and in spirit this is true,
For what else to label one who can always answer you?
Yet some of us, it seems, are thinking WAY beyond the morn’
And insist that all of us, like they, are hooked on porn.

In our search to find the answer to our questions of the hour
We look again to the awesomeness of the machine that has the power.
Into search engines waiting we bravely type our clues
And pray to God in Heaven that we can avoid the “Blues.”

Yes, “Blues” are what we call them, the sites that sell the flesh
Of flushed and willing virgins, Lolitas! and the rest.
And what was the questionable query that drew these moths to flame?
Was it “’Horny, hot young teens’” combined with, say, “’The Crying Game?’”

NO! It was, ‘MOVIE, GYNECOLOGIST’ if you really have to know.
I think the title is “Spitting Image” but I really didn’t know.
A sick and twisted story of a Dr. pair of brothers
Who play a game of “bait and switch” with a gal who cannot mother.

3,000 hits I got from that simple little query
and o’er my shoulder peered my BOSS, my future now quite leary!
I was looking for a title, I got this crap instead.
Just tell me now and I’ll relent, “Who wants OBG in bed?”
–M
*Genius: Gaelic for “genius”

Yes, isn’t it odd how porn is associated with just about everything you search for. I once searched for an online etymological dictionary and got hit with porn. How do you get porn from online etymological dictionary? Anyway, I think the name of your movie is Dead Ringers with Jeremy Irons if I’m not mistaken.

THAT’S IT! Thanks!

No problem…:slight_smile:

I was hoping this would be about porn appreciation or something. Maaaaaaaan, i was way off, dern it all.

… 10/10 for the OP!!! :smiley:

I once got a porn site with the phrase “Stirling Steam Engine”

That is all.

Great poem. 10/10 and applause from the peanut gallery.

:smiley:

What? Did you think new words were left in a flower bed by an angel?

I guess that’s why “to be” is the copula…:smiley:

“Anything is lewd if you view it correctly.”
–Mark Twain

I did a search on “daily devotional” for a church committee I am on, and the first three sites I was directed to were porn sites.

Never did figure out that connection.

Regards,
Shodan

where did you search, shodan? I just googled “daily devotional” and all I got were lousy prayer sites. So I checked infoseek and yahoo. Same thing.

I need a new search engine

Wouldd Mark Twain find a way of making an infectious disease lewd?

Some years back I was looking for some information on Ebola for a research project and I found the “back door” entrance to a hardcore porn site. I kid you not.

A school teacher I knew once did a search for Santa Claus while teaching her elementary school class and it came up porn.

Personally, I hardly ever have this problem because I’m always looking for porn. :smiley:

Brilliant OP!

Friend of mine and I used to have a game where we’d agree on a word… and type it into two different search engines… and see how many hits it would take before one was a porn site.

My favorite one was “radial tires.” No more than eight hits. Of course, that was back in 1997…