We know you told the police officer who responded to the calls about stolen lawn signs on Genghis Avenue the night of September 18 that it could not have been you who done the deed, as you were passed out from drinking at the time. However, since it was your friends who did the actual stealing, and since they used your driveway to transfer the stolen signs, we’ll address this letter to you in the hope that you’ll pass the information along.
Since you told our mutual neighbor (who caught you red-handed) that you are “very religious” and therefore “offended by John Kerry”, we thought we would help you out. Most religions of which we are aware frown on outright theft as a Bad Thing. Perhaps if you actually paid us for those possessions of ours which you take without permission, you’ll be able to salve your conscience. So the next time you decide to steal our lawn signs, please refer to the following price list:
Steal our “Kerry/Edwards – a stronger America” sign for $5
Steal our “Re-defeat Bush” sign for $18
Steal both signs for a discounted rate of $20.50!
We may add a sign or two in the near future, depending on your future activity. We’ll update the price list as needed.
Regards,
Genghis and Minerva Bob
PS: We don’t blame all Republicans for your behavior; heck, some of our best friends are Republicans. So in the future, should you decide to embark on another crime spree, you might consider removing the “Bush/Cheney” sign from the front lawn of your secret hideout, so it doesn’t reflect poorly on the other Republicans. Seeing as you’re not very good at not getting caught and all . . .
Have you considered rigging a booby trap on your next set of signs? One that would spray red dye all over the perpetrator? Hey, it works for banks and bank robbers.
The Kerry/Edwards Stronger America signs are spreading around my neighborhood like a sunrise. On my block at last count there were around 12 K/E signs, and only one Gee Dubya sign. Why is this remarkable? Because I live in Plano, TX - a very conservative part of a very conservative state.
I don’t have a sign in my yard yet (just picked one up this weekend at the Plano Balloon Festival), which resulted in a knock on my door last week. I opened it up to see a somewhat testy looking man standing at the end of my sidewalk with a clipboard. A little voice drew my attention down to a child in front of me who was probably five or six years old. He says, “Do you want a George W. Bush sign for your yard?”
I politely responded, “No thank you.” And they were off to the next house.
Word. It struck me that it would be a tad harsh to respond with “How about I stick one (GWB sign) up your ass?” Maybe if the adult had asked instead of the kid.
Just kidding - my cousin lives in Plano and she’s a liberal also. I’m over in Fort Worth and I’m hesitant to put my Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on my car because I’m seriously concerned about getting my car keyed.
That’s pretty pathetic, though - a grown man getting caught stealing lawn signs and having the police come to his door. Maybe the embarassment will teach him a lesson.
A person on my way to work has a Bush Must Go sign in his front yard. If you haven’t seen one of these signs, they have a space where you can slap on your favorite bumper sticker or write in your own message.
I noticed that this guy rotated messages pretty frequently. What zeal, I thought.
The one day a new sign appeared with the following message written in: “THIEF: STOP STEALING MY SIGNS.”
Even more embarrasing is when a Congressman is caught doing it. I have a friend who works with the Democrats in Dallas, and he says that in the 2002 election Pete Sessions got caught red-handed stealing signs from yards that supported his opponent. Strangely, it never got any press.
I’ve never understood this—why do people put political signs/bumper stickers up? It’s not going to change anyone’s mind, or get someone to vote who hadn’t been planning to. People who agree with you will go, “yup,” and people who disagree with you will go, “asshole” (and possibly steal your sign).
What purpose does it serve? Is Bush or Kerry going to wander down your street, knock on your door and say “thanks” or poke you in the beezer?
There is a certain segment of the voting public who respond to volume of ads. ‘Volume’ not in terms of loudness but in terms of amount. By seeing the message all over it becomes, to them, acceptable to vote for that candidate. In a town where there are a million signs for one candidate and none for the others it becomes socially acceptable to vote for the well-established and not-so-much for the non-visible.
That said, Lady Chance would kill me if I stuck one in our lawn. She’s on record about this.
It may not actually induce people to vote, but a massive preponderance of the signs pointing one way or the other may induce some people not to vote.
In Orlando, for example, I’m seeing about 10 W '04 stickers for every 1 Kerry '04 sticker (which is about right, considering how many people in this town are absolutely fucking insane).
An uninformed voter might notice the same trend and think, “Well, Bush is going to win, so I’m not going to bother voting.”
Ghengis Bob, I suggest the following: buy the signs you had stolen again, and put them back up. Then put up a third sign. Draw an arrow pointing to his house and put “This guy is a douche” above it.
As long as you’re in the comfort of your own home, being passed out from drinking isn’t illegal. And if you’d been passed out from drinking recently, the cop would probably be able to connect the dots anways, and might just appreciate the honesty…
“Can I just steal your Kerry/Edwards sign three times for $12.50? I’m a little short on cash this month, what with my job getting outsourced to India.”
I’ve always wondered about the sign thing. They never bring it up as a positive when things go badly for the winner. When Clinton was getting raked over the coals for the Monica Lewinski thing, nobody said, “Hey! Back off! He got tens of thousands of people to put his name on their lawn! That’s gotta count for something! And what about all those people that stood on street corners on election day and waved signs with his name on them? Huh?”
