No, that is not correct, not in the sense I was referring to when I made the distinction between how one behaves towards the giver and how one feels about the gift.
If there is nothing at Kohl’s the kids could possibly want or use then this mother has more problems than the lack of Christmas cards. For goodness sake, there are 30 pages of toys and games online. I agree that letting the kids pick out whatever crap they want could be fun. It’s not like she has to actually set foot in the store; she can shop online. The worst thing is that she is setting a horrible example for her children. Whatever happened to “it’s the gift that counts” or “you should be happy that somebody loves you enough to give you a gift”. In addition, this is clearly a very picky mother and children and judging from her reaction I can only imagine the grandparents agonizing over buying a gift that the know she will probably look down on. They choose to give a gift certificate to a store that has a variety of items; clothing, toys and electronics, hoping that by so doing the mother can then get the children something that will be up her particular standards only to find that the gift card was to the wrong store. They clearly can’t win. IMNSHO the mother’s reaction is way out of line. There is only one appropriate reaction to this gift, responding ASAP to the grandparents how wonderful it was to receive such a generous gift and how happy the children will be with the gifts the mother has selected/opportunity to pick out something they really love.
The explanatory reasons you gave weren’t that good however and the reaction was unacceptable. The explanation is that is what wives do sometimes and it is just as simple as that. They get emotional and reactive about stupid stuff sometimes and you should call her on it. I seriously doubt there was any ill intent so any negative reaction is uncalled for.
It is really hard for grandparents or even parents to know an appropriate gift for their children or grandchildren multiple times a year. Let’s face it, even middle class American kids are generally spoiled. I struggle with the problem of what to get for two daughters because they already have everything they want and relatives are competing for the same goal about every 4 months and it becomes an arms race.
Gift cards are always welcome and I ask that they be much less than $100. I use those to teach them how to budget and manage money because I will not fill in for them even if they are a dollar short. BTW, Kohl’s sells a whole lot more than clothes. I am not sure you have ever been into one of their stores but it is a true general department store. The certainly have clothes but they also have electronics, watches, jewelry, home decor, appliances and much more. It is aimed at the mid-market but anyone should be able to find something they can use from them.
Ugh. Whatever. She needs to get a grip. Cards are for when you don’t get a gift.
Kohl’s has tons of stuff to find. Jewelry, electronics, housewares, freaking trampolines - plenty of non-clothes stuff. Get a bigger ticket item that everyone can have fun with. Get four smaller things and save the rest for later.
Gifts from grandparents shouldn’t be needed to bulk out the gift haul under the tree, they’re a bonus. And $100 per kid is a pretty damn big bonus. It’s hard to buy for people, especially when you don’t live with them. How happy would she be if Grandma and Grandpa just went and bought that inflatable hot tub for the full $400 and gave that to the family?
If she really is ANGRY and IN TEARS over a $400 gift card, I’d seriously suggest she bestow the $400 gift card on a family struggling financially so that she can witness “gratitude.” Because what she is feeling is not grateful, by any definition. It’s quite the opposite actually. It’s like someone making you a cake for your birthday and you getting ticked because chocolate isn’t your favorite flavor.
I just had the opportunity (task?) of spending $80 in Kohl’s cash last week that was to expire that same day. There’s plenty of stuff for kids to buy in that place. Sports team apparel, athletic shoes, video games, headphones, watches, jewelry, drones, portable speakers, tablets, electric toothbrush, etc.
Just to reiterate this - acting like you enjoy the cake in front of who made it, and then getting so angry as to have a hissy fit about it once they’re gone - still a jerk.
Meh, I think she’s got very specific ideas about grandparental roles at Christmastime, and you know how people are, even if they know their ideas aren’t necessarily universal, it can be hard to not at least them subconsciously affect perceptions.
Throw in stress and general type-A-edness, and like I said, I can sympathize. I don’t get it, but I can sympathize.
I don’t see how it makes sense to call someone a jerk simply on the basis of the fact that they keep the negative feelings to themselves and only show a positive reaction in public. There may be problems involved here, but jerkitude is not clearly one of them. It’s, in fact, nearly the opposite.
After looking a little more at the selection at the website, I think the kids could find stuff they’d like to pick out, though it still does all have this kind of bland disappointing quality to my mind but it’s hard to put a finger on it.
Too late though, the mom has already made arrangements with a friend to trade the Kohls card for some Visa gift cards they recently received.
I do not sympathize with the mom. Gift is a gift is a gift.
$100 per grandchild is generous.
She sounds like a particularly difficult daughter in law to please. Can’t say I blame them for sending a gift certificate.
Well there’s a bit of backstory on that. There’s a history of disappointing gifting, for sure, though the parents have never heard a word of this.
Some years, they ask specifically for a list of exactly what items the kids would like–then get them stuff that’s kind of like that but not really. The kids are good kids and don’t get mad or anything, and accept them as gifts etc etc but you know, we literally had just asked them a couple of weeks ago what exactly they wanted so they were kind of set up…
There’s just this history of disappointing gifts, basically. People say “a gift is a gift is a gift” and “you should be grateful no matter what” but I don’t quite agree with that. An established history of thoughtlessness in gifting, I think, licenses some degree of aggravation, especially when the thoughtlessness ends up actually causing problems (like disappointed kids, or a need to scramble, or giant noise and mess the year you told them, when they asked what to get, that anything was great though we were trying to avoid noisemaking and messmaking toys…). Frustration can be warranted here. I don’t see a problem with that.
I’m confused why getting a gift card on Dec 14 doesn’t give enough time to spend it by Christmas, assuming you have a Kohl’s within a reasonable distance? “Prep” to go to the store? Hopefully she will have time to prep to spend those Visa gift cards.
The Visa cards solve the available items problem, they do not solve every problem.
This is a very busy family. That’s a whole separate thread though…
Someone gives me a mildly clueless $400 gift and I get so angry I cry. I would be a jerk. Doesn’t matter if I’m alone in the bathroom while I do it.
Frylock, why do you ask the board’s opinion just so you could argue with everyone?
I get it. I am at the end of my rope with my general type-A-edness Christmastime expectations.
Sounds like the gift card swap is a good solution!
That’s nonsense, pure and simple.
It’s a better deal to shop online, as the online store is 100x bigger with way more stuff than any store location. Free shipping, take an hour tops to shop online in the next couple days and everything’s delivered to the door. Just not hard.
But it doesn’t matter, an exchange has been made and grandparents have no need to know whatever’s gifted didn’t actually come from Kohl’s.
Hm, I argued some, I also agreed some. (For example I said I think the thing about having the kids shop for themselves on the site would probably work, and I said the card thing seems overblown, and I said I don’t get the reaction, much as others here don’t get it.)
Would you like me to not disagree with anyone anymore in this thread?
It’s really not. That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it.