You know what works for you best, I suppose, but if I were you, I would stop paying that difference. You don’t owe it to any of them to do so.
Tell her you can no longer afford to help support her in her current living situation. Repeat as necessary as she tries to guilt you back into helping by crying that she’ll lose her home. If you feel like mixing it up, you can tell her that she has two able-bodied men (if I read your post correctly) in the house who can get off their lazy asses and contribute, or you could tell her that you’d be willing to take her in if she did lose her home, but the boys (and her hoarded treasures) aren’t included in the invite.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you luck. Sounds like the situation is both frustrating and heartbreaking for you.
I second this. It’s one thing for people to make bad decisions and crap up their lives, but it’s another to expect other people to help pay for it. Who do you think the two able-bodied men are going to look for to pay for them once their social security gravy train is gone? I’d unhitch my wagon from that train long before then.
As others have said, why would you feel that is your obligation? They dug their hole, they can lie in it or get off their lazy asses and do something about it. You should not feel any obligation to do anything for them.
My brother (age 46) currently lives with my mother, but the big difference is, he has a job and does the yard work and home repairs and also contributes some toward bills.
Chimera, which meter are you useing? With some you need to nick your aorta, others are quite happy with a barely visible dot of blood. The less thirsty ones are quite happy with blood from the arm also. Spairs the finger tips.
It’s a difficult situation, my mother is 86 years old and I actually want to help her out but she’s putting me in an uneasy place by making it a “package deal”. I do a lot of small stuff that benefits her and only her…I recently got her a Kindle linked to my account so I can share my book collection with her.
Ostensibly, most of the cash I give to her goes to maintain the family home (which she owns free and clear but it is exepnsive to maintain ) and in some sense it is in my own interest to see that it is kept up properly. But OTOH, money is fungible and you can’t really say that HER money goes to support the lazy-assed guys while MINE is used to reshingle the roof.
And I didn’t mention that my brother’s fifteen year old daughter lives there, too which just makes it harder for me (and more fed up with him)
And my mom is an addiction and recovery expert so I know on some level she is aware that she is enabling the situation but given her advanced age it is hard for me to get tough with her…plus she knows how much I hate drama so no matter how calmly I broach the subject she reacts with agitation and tears.
But I AM going to cut off the financial support, I have already set the stage by complaining about business being slow…but the money is really the least of it, emotionally I’ve been watching a slow motion train wreck for about 5 years now.
I responded to most of this in general in another post but I just wanted to set the record straight…my family home isn’t the hoarder house. The extreme hoarder house was my crazy ex-sister-in-law’s house that she and my brother shared until their split up, my nephew lived there until he was 16. My mom actually tries to keep a clean house.
And I kind of laughed at the suggestion that I offer to take her in --------- I won’t even let her stay with me when she comes to New York to visit and in order for me to survive I need to maintain a residence at least 500 miles away from immediate family.
Delica One Touch. Doesn’t need all that much, but my body seems conditioned not to bleed. I pricked myself in four different spots, even pulling out the lancet and jabbing it full-on into my forearm, with nothing more than a faint dot of blood. I had to prick the same spot on the side of my finger five times before I got enough, after ruining another test strip with an insufficient amount.
So I hate fucking needles, I hate having to jab myself, and here I am having to jab myself 9 motherfucking times to get enough blood for a test that I’m supposed to do twice a day. Oh how fun this will be.
And I only got 200 lancets from the pharmacist yesterday and no test strips. Not Metformin either. I go back today and ask, and those prescriptions never came over. So I get to call my doc tomorrow and ask him to send those over please.
My bosses boss asked me how it was going, I mentioned the issue with even getting blood and he says “razor blades work just fine, you know”
The router and modem seemed to do fine overnight, and everything is functioning happily so far. I wish I knew why it had started working…maybe just restarting everything did the trick?
I completely sympathize. The only thing about not getting any blood is getting what you THINK is enough blood, and getting it on the damn strip, and then learning that there wasn’t enough blood after all. And you’ve wasted one of those strips. I swear, never mind turning lead into gold. Today, to make money, you should turn lead into blood sugar testing strips.
Awww… you’re the best! Sorry about the squashy tomatoes from my neighbor’s plant I flung towards your car. Didn’t have my glasses on, didn’t know it was you! Can’t throw that far anyways, don’t have the energy.
I am finally starting to feel better. But now I have family issues to deal with. Sigh. We had to postpone Christmas with my Dad’s family (again) due to this plague I picked up. I really didn’t want to expose my nearly 90-year-old very frail Grandma to this crap. Dad’s brother is upset because it messed his schedule all up. He wanted to reschedule for this weekend, but I already have plans to go out of town. Which if I’m being honest, I’d rather not go, but we already have tickets and reservations and stuff. So now we’re waiting again for Uncle to find a weekend when he’s not busy with whatever his wife wants to do with her family.
Because her family comes first. No matter what. I’m really not a fan of his wife, I won’t call her my aunt.
There’s a long backstory to this rant, but I don’t have the time or the stamina to go into it right now. One of these days I’ll share. Probably the next time Uncle and his wife tick me off and I’m not feeling like microwaved death. I promise!
Whoops on the hoarder. My apologies, I usually am better with the details, but I had 4 hours of sleep last night because of an IP chat with a co-worker in India (that 10.5 hour time difference is a KILLER).
Wasn’t aware of the distance need. I love my parents, and I have no problem staying under their roof for short periods of time (about a week and a little), but there’s no way I’d live with them again. Near them, we can all handle, but we started getting along much better when I moved out.
Good luck with the whole situation. Family can often be the worst people to deal with because they expect you to make allowances when they push your buttons.
Step 1: Find out which animal multiple other members of your family are deathly allergic to.
Step 2: Your new pet!
Having a cat has kept my my mother from anything but the shortest and most infrequent visits for almost my entire adult life. I go to their house, where I get to leave when I want or feel the need to.
Next time you go to your doctor, someone will be pricking your finger to take a glucose check. Notice how many tries they need to do it, and find out what kind of lancets they use. Then try to get your hands on those.
Also, I noticed that the answer you gave refers to the lancet device, but the question was, which glucometer (and test strips) are you using? I suspect that it’s OneTouch all the way down, and I see that they have a capillary-based test strip these days. You might could use a session with a diabetes educator to give you some pointers (heh) on reliably obtaining a drop of blood for your test.
I used to have to do kaylasmom’s testing for her, but once she started using her current system (and lancets), she’s very proudly doing her test first thing in the morning, even when I’m at work.
This might be too obvious, but are you squeezing your fingers real good, Chimera? When I was a lab tech, we’d have to do some blood collection by lancet and squeezing, and you should be able to get a good drop of blood out without mutilating your finger.
Chimera, please don’t throw anything hard at me if you’ve done this (pillows are ok, you can borrow mine), but I used to do my landlady’s blood checks (she taught me how) and I taught my mother how to do hers. Mom was trying to get the blood with the pinprick looking up: pricking and then turning the finger facedown while squeezing did wonders.
My mother switches her off along with everything else when she goes on a trip and it turns out that the way her cable provider works, software updates are “pushed” to the modems: if a modem is off when they push the update, you need to call the ISP and tell them your modem is acting funky and was there an update since Monday of last week?
When this protocol got established, the CSR told her she should never switch the modem off; she asked why and received the explanation above. She proceeded to ask how come her computer can update without needing to be up all the time, and whether she should send the bills to the ISP if something breaks in the house while she’s away and the firemen/insurance people claim it was because she hadn’t shut everything off…
The woman has three children, all of whom tend to find themselves in the strange position of being “the computer person” at work; she’s technophobic - but only by comparison to us. Assuming that being 71 means she doesn’t know a thing about technical stuff Does Not Go Well.
Sorry about the squashy tomatoes from my neighbor’s plant I flung towards your car. Didn’t have my glasses on, didn’t know it was you! Can’t throw that far anyways, don’t have the energy.