The “two months’ salary” rule of thumb is “traditional” all right – it’s traditionally the way DeBeers convinces men who are already anxious about the whole prospect of proposing (“what if she says no?”, “what if the ring isn’t right?”, “what if I’m making a mistake?”) that one problem at least will be solved if they fork over 16 and 2/3 percent of their annual income. A factor that’s conveniently elided is that very few people, particularly the ones in their twenties who make up the bulk of the engagement ring market, were making as much last year as they are this year, so that “two months’ salary”, figured in terms of your current salary, represents an even larger chunk of your actual income for the last twelve months. Factor in that people in this age range have typically not been in the workplace long enough to have begun an effective savings and/or retirement plan, and you have a recipe for financial disaster, particularly since so many people don’t actually save the money first, buying that big honkin’ diamond with plastic.
You, and you alone should detemine how much to spend on a ring, taking into account all aspects of your financial situation and the tastes of yourself and your intended. In my personal situation, I spent slightly under a thousand dollars, which represented the money I’d managed to save expressly for that purpose in the time between deciding that I intended to propose and the time when it made sense to do so. The ring means all the more to both of us for this reason, since it represented the first and to that point only fiscally responsible thing I’d done in my adult life; I’d been in a very sad way financially most of the time my wife and I had known each other (in sharp contrast to her), and that I had managed to save the money (and do so without her noticing) meant a great deal to her.
As for the process of selecting the ring, I selected the ring the same way I selected my wife – carefully, with an eye to the overall quality and not how showy it is. The setting is extremely simple – far simpler than she probably would have chosen herself, but it had the merit of having nothing too unusual to object to, and I’m very much in the camp of classic simplicity when it comes to apparel, furnishings, etc., so it appealed to me. In the case of the diamond, it’s not quite one full carat, but it’s a very high-quality stone; I chose quality over size. A good jeweler will take the time to explain the good and bad points of any particular stone and help you arrive at the best option for you – if you want something bigger and don’t mind compromising in the color or clarity, the jeweler will help out. Things you should absolutely require of any jeweler you’re considering doing business with: at least 72 hours to return or exchange the merchandise (particularly important if you select the ring by yourself), ability to handle adjustments and repairs, willingness to explain things and answer your questions, and NO PRESSURE – if someone tries to bully you into buying something, walk away. At this point, it’s still your money and you get to decide who you’re going to give it to.
