Not the dirtiest joke, but possibly the stealthiest dirty joke: In “Deep Space Homer”, when Homer asked President Clinton where he could find Tang, reasoning, “If anyone knew where to find tang, it’d be you”.
Homer had previously in the episode complained to NASA that he couldn’t find Tang, so the producers had a perfect response for censors: “Poontang? Homer was asking our junk-food aficiando president if he knew where to buy the powdered drink. Mister Censor, you’ve got a dirty mind!”
AD had its share of Lucille’s dry vagina jokes. But Tobias “Nellie” Funke took the (beef) cake.
“Who’d like a banger in the mouth?”
I’ve often wondered if that satellite photo of Iraq was actually David Cross’s scrotum.
Damn you, Larry, you took mine!
I came in here to mention that one! I’m not easily offended or shocked. I’ve got a filthy mouth but something about Harry Connick Jr. saying “gash” and Grace taking it to mean her Vag really upset me. Hahaha its just so gross! and while there are a lot of sexual jokes on that show I still consider it a pretty cute somewhat wholesome show.
Arrested Development is rich with these. Basically everything that Tobias says. Eventually it got so absurd they would make his double entendres really extensive.
“I’m afraid I prematurely shot my wad and i’m left with something of a mess on my hands”
“even if it means taking a chubby i’ll suck it up”
" I just blue myself early"
“there is a man inside me. and only when he is gone can I walk free of pain”
She actually said “In the ass,” and she wasn’t joking!
I think AD has to be the champ (live-action anyways). But there’s a great one in an early episode of Friends (first season or two I think.) Joey, appreciative of how much Chandler has helped his career, buys him a huge, horrendously gaudy gold bracelet which Joey of course thinks is cool. When Chandler puts it on, Joey says something like “Imagine what this will do for your sex life!”, and Chandler responds “Well, I’m sure it’ll slow it down a little until I get used to the extra weight.”
–Cliffy
I didn’t see the episode, but I was working all last weekend with the radio on and they kept running a promo for last Sunday night’s The Family Guy. I don’t know what the setup was on the show but the line that kept making me chuckle was “When I get through with you, you’ll be beating guys off with both hands!”
Old school!
From Gimme a Break, the show where Nell Carter was the live-in maid, in the episode where the father suspects his young-teen daughter of a secret smoking habit.
Nell and Dad are going through the daughter’s room looking for her smokes. Dad picks up an article of clothing and looks at it.
Dad: “This shirt is dirty.”
Nell: “Give it to me, I’ll wash it.”
Dad: “No, I mean, it’s dirty.”
And he turns it around so she (and we) can see it. The image on the shirt has two arms reaching up from below, with the hands drawn as if tightly squeezing the wearer’s boobs.
Doesn’t really compare with the anal-sex jokes already mentioned, but when you consider that this is a Nell Carter family show from the 80’s, and additionally consider that the character who supposedly owned and wore the shirt was a barely-adolescent girl, it’s pretty far out there.
I’ve posted this several times, but it is worth repeating.
In a 1973/74 episode of MAS*H, Hawkeye walks in on Hot lips giving Frank a massage with a vibrating massage tool.
Hawkeye says, "Well, it’s like I always say, ‘Behind every great man is a women with an excellent vibrator.’"
In the early 70’s that was getting away with quite a bit.
What about when Karen tells Minnie’s character to give back all the stuff she stole and so she drops jewelry and whatnot from all her pockets. Then Karen says something like “And the other one…” Minnie spreads her legs, takes a deep, relaxing breath, and drops some more jewelry. :eek:
Does it have to be from a sitcom? Because I recall some totally freaky joke told to Johnny Carson by an old time comedian whose name I can’t recall, Buddy? about a man who went to the dr. to get his balls removed.
Anyone?
Buddy Hackett?
Another from Arrested Development -
Lindsay is showing Michael pictures of a car she wants to buy, but keeps mixing them up with photocopies taken while she was sitting on the copier
I don’t know if this is apochypal or not, but I heard that Johnny Carson once interviewed Zsa Zsa Gabor on the Tonight Show. She brought her pet cat with her and was stroking the cat as it sat on her lap during the interview. At one point, she asked Johnny: “Do you want to pet my pussy?” Johnny allegedly replied: “Sure. Move the cat.”
In the episode of the Simpsons where they spend time at the Flanderesses’ beach house, Homer tries to nonchalantly buy some illegal fireworks.
Homer: Let me have one of those porno magazines… large box of condoms… a bottle of Old Harper… a couple of those panty shields… and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two.
Later…
Marge (unpacking Homer’s purchases): I don’t know what you’ve got planned for tonight, Homer, but count me out.
OK, mildly risque, but what follows is (I believe) the most subtle dirty joke ever insetred into a TV show.
That evening, Homer throws the fireworks into the dishwasher, blowing it, and the dishes inside, to pieces. Normally, this seems like the sort of thing that would upset Marge, but the next scene shows her the following morning absentmindedly washing the broken and charred dishes by hand, humming contentedly to herself and looking dreamily into the distance. All of which leads me to believe that whatever sex act involves alcohol, condoms, enemas, porn and panty shields, they did and she enjoyed.
Friends. Ross shows up at his ex-wife’s apartment for some reason or the other. It takes her a while to answer the door, and when she does she’s obviously a little irritated and distracted and points out that it’s her’s and her lesbian lover’s anniversary. Then she pulls a hair off her tongue.
The Simpsons has several others:
From the Halloween episode “King Homer” after Marge is hired to join theboat cruise…
Smithers: I think women and seamen don’t mix.
Burns: Well, we know what you think!
From the Halloween episode where Bart and Lisa playthe role of Hansel and Gretel. Homer comes to their rescue by eatingthe gingerbread house…
Homer: …mmMMM, SUgar walls.
From the Simpsons episode where the kids get snowed in at school, where skinner is trapped in a bad used for volleyballs…
Skinner: Quick chew thourh my ball sack!
I also recall an episode about chocolate where a judge something about “Herchey highwaymen”
I don’t get this one. Help a brother out?