...And the number one thing NOT to say while on a conference call is...

“Eat a Dick!”

Yes, you read that right.

Picture a typical late-november morning in Michigan. I’m driving into work, late for a conference call because idiots ont he road don’t remember that it just snowed last week, they have seen snow before (on the road even), and it won’t kill them.

I dial-in to the conference call from the road while traffic moves at a snail’s pace. There is a salt truck in front of me, and all three lanes of traffic behind him are giving him a wide berth, because no one wants salt slung all over thier nice cars, and the traffic isn’t really going all that fast in front of the truck, either.

Well, no one except the dipwad behind me. He’s flashing his lights and honking his horn at me (and I’m in the rightmost, slow traveling lane, having just pulled back onto the freeway after pulling off to look up the number and dial it). So, I give him the bird and shout “Eat a Dick!” at him.

And also right into the telephone, at the project manager and the business user who had just offered to bake me a cheesecake because I told them I could complete their changes within a 1 day turnaround.

Any guesses as to what happened?

I thought my friend Meg was the only person who regularly shouted “Eat a dick!” at other drivers. I’ve decided I like you.

For a little variety, Meg also enjoyed calling people “Hookerface.”

And I’m guessing there will be no cheesecake. I’m so sorry. :frowning:

They all started laughing.

(like me)

What’d they reply… “Pass the salt”?

[Scar] I despise guessing games. [/Scar]

So? Tell us!

Actually, I was told there will now be TWO cheesecakes.

(Maybe they’re worried about my diet?)

Any guesses as to the shape of those cheesecakes? Eat up!

death by laughter

If they’re not, there is truly no justice in the world.

I wouldn’t worry about it, you’re in some rather illustrious company.

I was at the end of one of these once. Not a conference call -per se-, but…

At a LAN party many years ago. The phone rings. It’s Bill, one of the roomates who had to go to work instead of playing Descent with us. Anyway, Phil picks up the phone and starts talking with Bill.

“Hi. No. Yeah, it’s cool… No. No it really sounds like cr*p. Okay. Seeya later.”

Bill comes home about two hours later and tries to strangle Phil. Y’see, Bill works for commission at one of the big box electronic places. He’d had a customer who wanted to buy a speakerphone… And Bill decided to show off what ‘great’ sound quality it had by phoning us at the appartment…

(Names have been changed, of course.)

The boss said “Dude, that guy got told!”?

That’s hilarious! I think I would have then held the phone as far away from my mouth as possible and yelled, “No. YOU eat a dick!”