altiod
March 7, 2004, 8:07pm
1
I’ve been having fun answering the phone at work lately, when I know its a co-worker calling. Some things I say when I pick up the phone are:
City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.
Nihilist Hotline, the following is meaningless…
Bestiality sex talk, woof!
Hoover Dam, woosh, aaaiiggh.
Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location (city name), whoops!
You have reached the offices of your worst nightmare, please hold.
Crisis Hotline; aiiiigghheee, yooowwcch, ack!
Have any more to add?
Suicide hotline, please hold…
Robin
In a seriously muffled voice…
“…this is Dave, you got the stuff?”
Aaarrrgh! I’ve been guillotined!
HDS
March 7, 2004, 9:49pm
6
really really perky voice Dr. Lecter’s office!
I am amazed no one has used the classic Roadkill Cafe you kill it we grill it.
“Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles.”
My mom and I use this one with each other:
When you are the caller:
(Borrowed from Lily Tomlin’s Ernestine the telephone operator, I believe)
Duffy’s Tavern where the elite meet to eat. Archie da manager speakin’ Duffy ain’t here…
Diamond Detective Agency – if you’ve got a corpse lying around, why not trade it in for something useful?
We’re closed for the day, please hold…
“Joe’s Abortion Shop, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us…”
(This was popular in my high school, just after Roe v. Wade.)
Jake’s Taxidermy, you bag 'em we stuff 'em
L.A. Story has one of my favorites, but you’ll need a beeper of some sort.
Hello, this is xxxx. I’m in right now, so you can talk to me personally. Please start talking at the sound of the beep. beep
Rick
March 8, 2004, 2:19am
17
altoid’s desk, this is the top drawer speaking.
Henry’s House o’ Hos, where the customer comes first.
“Our Lady of Angels Seminary. Our Lady is not available. Would you like to speak to one of the Angels?”
(Answering machine message)
machine picks up
Hello?
It’s hilarious when you’re at home and the machine picks up and your friends fall for it
