My old standby is to say “Hello, Jorge’s Taco Shack, Jorge speaking” in a bad mexican accent. One of my friends answers the phone “Ted’s Bar and Grill, you kill’em, we grill’em.”
So what do you say? Also, what’s the worst backfire you’ve ever had (eg, offended mother in law or something)?
Just thinking about this is giving me great new ideas… an escort service… a sanitary napkin company (during 8-6pm daytime hours.) Of course in this caller ID day and age answering the phone strangely can be a safe bet, so more props if you don’t have or don’t use it.
Bob’s Mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em. You kill 'em, we grill 'em.
That one is a favorite when I know the person calling. Most unknown callers get the old “Hello”. Or “Yes?” drawn out. That usually seems to put them off, for some reason.
I finally got the people from the Million Mom March to quit calling for my wife (who works during the day) by asking the guy point blank, in my best jealous husband voice “And why do you keep calling for my wife? I don’t believe she has any business with your group.” He actually sounded scared.
First Frame: Phone Rings, Calvin picks it up.
Second Frame: “Yes, I’d like two of your stupendous sized pizzas, with anchovies, thank you.”
Third Frame: Hangs phone up. “I like to make everyone’s day a little more surreal.”
*I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Six months, three weeks, 21 hours, 28 minutes and 52 seconds.
8195 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,024.47.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 4 weeks, 10 hours, 55 minutes.
THE YANKEES WIN! THAAAAAAH YANKEES WIN!
1996 · 1998 ··· WORLD CHAMPIONS ··· 1999 · 2000
26 Titles! The #1 Dynasty of all-time!
And most importantly… RULERS OF NYC!!*
I usually answer ‘Big Mama’s Whore House, where the customer always comes first, how can I help you?’ when I am feeling feisty.
Once, when I was living with my parents, we kept getting teenagers calling for an Angela, usually at least once a day - she must have been popular. After a while we started telling them to let Angela know that she is giving out the wrong phone number, but that didn’t help. One time someone called and asked for Angela, and I said ‘Oh my god, didn’t you hear?’ and when they said they didn’t, I told them Angela was in the hospital, she was run over by a car.
When the phone rings , pick it up and wait for the person on the other end to talk first. When they do it is usually with a tentitive Hello? I like that sound. Now you have the upper handMTS
/sultry voice/ “Hello, you’ve reached the Helpdesk. It would help me . . be more comfortable . . . with your problem . . . if you tell me what you’re wearing.” /sultry voice/
Stolen right from Cybernurse.
The only reason I was brave enough to do this in the first place was the CallerID feature. Game ended at the predictable point - a phone call I thought was from one of my buddies turned out to be his boss - oopsie. Good thing he thought it was funny.
This is kinda not what you’re looking for, but it involves a phone, and it fucked with people. My (female–kinda obvious, but I feel I should point it out) roommate freshman year and I had a male friend record the incoming messages on our voice mail system, using our names. It was fun to listen to the messages because even if they knew us, they’d always be something like "Hey, um, Kristen? This might be the wrong number. . . "
When I really don’t want to talk on the phone I answer in spanish. Usually I get hung up on somewhere between “Lo siento, pero no hablo ingles” and “Me parece que marcaras el numero equivocado.” I’ve never had any problems with this, but a friend who had taken one year of high school spanish at the time tried that with a telemarketer and was transferred to a line with someone who spoke spanish.
Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of telemarketers selling long distance. I tell them we don’t have a phone. This throws them off stride for a few seconds and gives me time to hang up.
I have a feature on my phone that automatically rejects any long distance service.
Whenever someone call me to sell me long distance, I always ask them for some free shit.
“What incentives can you offer me to switch long distance? I’m very satisfied with my current provider, and you will have to offer something pretty enticing for me to switch.”
“Well, sir, we’re currently giving $50 Blockbuster Video Gift cards with every new account. If you sign up now, we can also get your a lower rate.”
“Hmmmmm. I don’t know. What else have you got?”
“There is a another promotion that offers $400 dollars good towards a shopping spree at Radio Shack-”
“Nah, that place sucks. What about some merchandise? I could use a TV.”
“Well, I don’t think we go that high, but we can offer you a clock radio or a digital camera.”
“Okay. Send me the gift card and the clock radio, and the digital camera. Sign me up for the farm.”
“Okay! I’ll just need some info…”
It’s great. I get all this free stuff, and Qwest tells them to go fuck themselves. I love it.
