And you call yourself a friend?! (pretty long)

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m so fucking mad right now, I can’t even believe it…

This has nothing to do with me, personally. But it involves a little bit of history.

Screeme: Me. Friends since High School with all the below mentioned people.

A, B and C. All my best friends. All of which have known each other since High School. (C is no longer real fond of A, as A used to date C’s current fiancee; and A has never really gotten over her and to this day (8 years at least) harbors something for her. Even sometimes attempts to reconcile and convince her that C is all wrong for her, etc.)

D. Another good friend. Has had some rough things happen to him. Has had to go through a divorce from psycho-bitch, who refuses to let him see his little boy. D’s life was essentially ruined through the divorce. He had moved away from everybody he knew and to Missouri with his wife. Since she was with all of her friends, and him-- none of his, the divorce was pretty messy as he had no backup to support him or refute anything she said. He has spent the last 6 months or so slowly rebuilding it back up from, literally, nothing. (I should note, I don’t believe D to be completely blameless, but the degree to which he got reamed is pretty severe. She was pretty obviously lying about several things, but he had no way of backing anything up.)

A, B and D are all roommates. With a third person, E who is in essence inconsequential to the whole story. But I bring him up because he is indirectly involved. The house is A’s dad, so A acts as a landlord.

Both B and E have both been supporting D in different ways. B gave him a loan to help him buy groceries, pay bills and get the creditors off his back. E has been giving him rides to work. B actually just went so far as to co-sign on a car loan because he really needed a car. Again, D is slowly working himself back up.

So, A calls a “urgent house meeting” amongst all the roommates last night. Starts just reading D the riot act. Telling D he’s going to ruin the group by borrowing “all this money!” and taking handouts. He’s going to ruin B’s life by letting him co-sign. He’s being immoral by “ignoring” his son in Missouri which should be his first priority. Just starts going to town on D.

Now I will be the first to admit that D has been in a bit of denial regarding the whole Missouri situation, and hasn’t always handled it with great care. But on the other hand, he is very young. You obviously don’t plan this type of thing out. I know D thinks of his son every day… and has worked hard to try to be a part of his life somehow.

Of course is all besides the point (finally the rant comes–) Because WHAT THE FUCK WAS A THINKING! This has been one of my best friends for years and I’ve never seen him do anything this heartless. Not to mention the fact that none of this is ANY OF HIS FUCKING BUSINESS!! And he sits there taking a fucking moral high road like he’s the perfect one. I know for a fact that isn’t true, yet he sits there on his pedestool acting all fucking superior to this poor guy who considered A a good friend.

I can only think of two reasons why he would do this.

A> As his “landlord” (which he’s not really, its A’s dad.) he was trying to make sure his interests are secured. Of course that holds no weight because D has never missed any of his payments or behind on his bills to A. So, unless that is a problem, A has no business meddling into this. D is even open enough that if A was worried and had a concern, all A had to do was take him aside and talk to him about it. But again thats besides the point, because unless D is missing rent payments, this is none of A’s fucking business!

B> He was “as a friend” concered for D. And in some wierd sick twisted way thought of this as an intervention towards D. Of course this makes no sense because he didn’t tell B or E about this. And he comes down on D like D’s this awful guy set out to ruin the group of friends that we have and set us all to financial ruin. Plus, if this was truely the case… why would he do this in front of B and E and just totally humiliate D like that. (Again he didn’t tell B or E what the meeting was about at all. He just decided that he was a superior being to D and needed to let everybody know all about it.) Why wouldn’t he take D aside and just fucking talking to the guy like a human and show some fucking compassion for his situation.

Nope he decides he is the fucking Mr. Superior.

I’m positive in some sick and twisted way that A considers his actions to be the second of the two above. But I can’t possibly think of what the hell he was thinking. He is so fucking worried that D is going to “seperate” the group of friends that he is going to do it himself!? Fucking irony. Besides, if he did want it to be an intervention without telling B and E, what could have this possibly accomplish other than blindsiding everybody. (including the people who was helping D out). Or perhaps he considered he was morally superior to all of them, as he was not really helping D out at all, except by renting out a room to him. So he wanted to attack all of them, but ended up only attacking D.

Fucking hell, I’m so mad at him. I don’t know what the hell he was thinking. D called me and he was beside himself. He was so emberassed and angry. A was already starting to piss me off because of his incessant pursuit of C’s g/f. C called me pissed off as well ready to go raise some hell. I calmed him down, but he said A was merely a cancer who when he opened his mouth, only does so to spew evil.

Fuck you my friend. Fuck you.

Oh, and to all those who will judge my rant… fuck you, too. I don’t care what you say, I just needed to get this off my chest.

2

“Couldn’t you make an A–B case out of it?”

“Maybe I could if I knew what an A–B case was.”

“Call the people mixed up in it A and B.”

“And forget, halfway through, who was which! No; I guess I’ll have to trust you.”
Something New, by P.G. Wodehouse.

3

Since this is about room mates it is totally none of your business. They are all still your friends and none of them has done a thing to you. Sure, listen and be a friend, but don’t get involved with casting blame. Be supportive without judging. A, B, C, D & E are confusing people. I’m not even sure I followed the story correctly, but doesn’t matter, you stay out of it.

4

That may have been the problem all along - too many people knowing too many other people’s business. Nobody but B and… um, lemme check here real quick…yeah, D, needed to know about any loan.

I agree with Ultress.

5

This rant brought to you by the letters…fuck it, I can’t make heads nor tails of the damn thing. Why don’t you rewrite it using names, like Art Garfunkel, Ben Folds, Charlie Parker, Don McLean, and Esprix (just for the vanity search).

6

So I missed the part of my post where I mentioned I planned to do shit. Oh, thats right… ITS NOT FUCKING THERE! Because I know its none of my business. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t piss me off, or can’t piss me off.

I’m sorry I used letters, I was obviously not going to use real names, and it was too confusing to me to put false ones. The letters were easier for me.

I agree, Lorinda. The only people that really NEEDED to know about the loan were B and D. But should they have to hide their whole stinking lives from each other because one of them is going to suddenly get on his moral high horse? (And a wierd one it is, because A> nobody has done anything “immoral.” B> he is in no place to feel morally superior anyway.)

7

I followed it. And I do not get the whole “why do you care” attitude, these are your best friends, you care about all of them and divisions in them have to be painful.

Here’s to hoping everything works out okay.

8

People change as they get older,and not always for the best. I hope that B,D,and E are able to find a good place to live away from A. That seems to be the best solution. Don’t cut him out as a “friend”,but stay away from him as long as he’s acting like that. Give him a chance to show he’s changed for the better in a bit,but for now…stay away from him. I’ll relate my personal experience with this.

I’m having to do this with a friend of mine. She’s made me so mad with the way she’s treated me and others,that I’m just staying away from her. Talking to her will do no good,she claims to be “depressed” and this is the reason she’s sh*tting on everyone. (Not a viable excuse in my book,and I have been near suicidal.) I’ve reached the stage in my life,that I realize I can choose to be around shit like that or to stay away from it. I’m loyal,so I’ll give her a chance to make good. I’ve already begun to forgive her,but it doesn’t mean I will present myself to get shit on anytime soon. She’s hurt me badly,and is not at all repentent about it. She’s whined and made excuses. Ok,I’ll give details… My mother just got out of ICU this past week. She’s been VERY ill. She has 2 anuerisms in her brain,around the optic nerves. She’s had them since birth,but they’ve weakened and expanded. They have done more than one operation trying to repair them,and have saved the sight in one eye. The upshot is,her latest surgery on them was in November 2002,and she has not recovered yet. She can’t eat,vomits everything up,and has been in and out of the hospital for it. (Not to mention the recent bouts of bloody vomit.) The starvation was so bad 2 months ago,her body was eating itself. (She’s already considered elderly frail.) She’s had a device to put food directly into her stomach installed,and has recovered enough to go back to the care home. I’ve told my friend how very ill my mother is. She lives in the same town as me,knows my phone number etc. She has not offered one bit of support,or comfort or ANYTHING at all beyond a lukewarm “Tell her I’m sorry about her mother” to a friend who asked her if she had even gotten my letter while chatting online. This is most unlike her previous self. We were like sisters,and helped and supported each other through thick and thin. The last time I saw her face to face,she did not even give me a hug to console me,and I told her I was leaving to see my mom,that I feared I would soon have to plan her funeral. This is why we (all those who know her) consider that she has shit on me. I still helped her out when her husband left her for a woman in New York he’d met on the internet. I helped her a couple of months later to kick out the scumbag jerk of a leech posing as a boyfriend that she’d picked up off the net. This was while I was dealing with my aunt’s death,and my mother’s anuerisms. This is why to me,depression is not an excuse to shit on someone. I’ve got too much stress in my life to have this in my face,so she’s on a back burner somewhere. A mutual friend tried intervention,it didn’t work,she whined that she was depressed,and felt I was not giving her enough support. (??? I tucked her in,and stayed over night after we got rid of the louse…This was after my aunt’s death,and my mom’s last surgery.)

The best advice I can offer is,if the person is doing things that send off warning bells,then don’t be around them. You don’t have to be around a person who obviously does not respect a person he claims to “love” enough to back off when she’s made a promise. The fact that he’s intruding in her life like that should tell you something about his “morals”. He does this to the woman he claims to love,and you think he’ll treat you any better? A friend of mine,chose to be buddies with this guy…he knew he’d done jail time for theft,he also knew the guy’s ex-wife accused him of abuse. I met the guy,and decided on that first meeting that I wanted nothing to do with him. This is why. He was staying in his new girlfriend’s apartment,and he had a rent to own computer. There was no desk to put the computer on,so he was using the coffee table,and floor. The girlfriend had a puppy,which was teething. He had been on the computer late into the night,and had forgotten to put the mouse up… The puppy chewed through the mouse. When he discovered this,he began to strangle the puppy,in front of me,whom he had just met. This friend of mine,was suprised when the guy ended up trying to steal his fiance,and threatening his fiance’s best friend because she would not take him back. This was after he had gone back to jail for a couple more months. In hindsight,he admitted that maybe I was right,and he was a person to be avoided…for good.
(The only reason I’m not ditching the friendship entirely is that we were close enough to be sisters,so I’m giving it a chance to cool off,and seeing if it can be salvaged once the smoke clears.)

9

Hey there, Screeme,

Read your rant and I think I followed it okay. Umm, hmm. I’m thinking about the whole thing and I don’t think you’re asking for advice - hell, I wouldn’t know what to say, anyway. But hey, I hope things smooth over with your friends. Living in a house with tension can be miserable. Best of luck to you all - friendships often endure some battles only to emerge stronger. I mean, if no one kills anyone first.

Tibs.

10

I read the rant, understood it, and sympathize with all involved.

One true lesson I have learned in life is that it is never a good idea to move in with close friends. It inevitably will change a friendship…usually for the worse.

11

I have to apologize, I was a little bit snarky yesterday.

Tiburon, I wasn’t really looking for advice. As I mentioned, I know that ultimately none of this is my business and can’t really do anything about it. So I needed someplace to vent. Which is ultimately the purpose of the BBQ Pit, yes?

To those that don’t understand why I care. All I can say is that you have to understand, when I say these are my best friends, that is an understatement. This is my family would be closer to the truth. There’s no letter (:wink: ) above that I wouldn’t jump in front of a bullet for. We have always been very open and honest and supported each other through literally everything.

So, while I understand that financial stuff like the loan is nobodies business but the people who signed it-- there is also no reason to suspect that any of these people would be anything but supportive; and that anybodies concerns about it wouldn’t be handled in a caring/supportive manner.

Zabali- I accept that he may change. I even expect change. If he wants to be around different people, while I wouldn’t like it, I could understand that. People don’t always move in the same direction, and sometimes its time to move on. I don’t even expect him to really be the same person in 5 years he is now. But I do expect him to show a little bit of courtesy, even if he doesn’t want to be around us.

Looking back at it now with a nights sleep. I think he honestly thinks he is attempting to help them out. But is completely oblivious to exactly what he really did, and how big of an asshole move it was to do this publicly, instead of being supportive, and sharing concerns privately if he had any. (Which, again, I should emphasize, nobody in the group would have a problem being pulled aside and having one of us question the other to make sure they weren’t making a mistake.)

But the lack of respect he showed to longtime friends, the high ground he decided to take, the way he handled everything. A couple of different things, just really made me mad.

I’m gonna keep an eye on him, because as I type this I’m starting to think that maybe something is going on with him… <frown>

12

Well, yes, Screeme, I know you were just venting. I even stated that I didn’t think you were asking for advice - but I meant it in this way, “You’re not asking for advice so I won’t give any” not like, “You’re not asking for advice so why are you posting here?” I understood your point and your purpose. :slight_smile:

13

Screeme, you might be onto something there. Maybe “A” is having some kind of problem. I would suggest that you go and talk to him as a friend; say something like “You seem kinda stressed out lately. Is something going on?” Don’t mention the blow-up at all; he might take it as being ganged up on if you do mention it (and feel like all his friends are talking about him behind his back). He might actually be feeling like he’s being left out, or that you’re all growing apart, or any number of things that could be making him get a little crazy.

(Hey, Zabali, that was a good post, but don’t be afraid to put lots of paragraph spaces in your posts. That was damned hard to read.)