I’ll make this as short as possible. We live in an apartment complex. Our next door neighbors are also a couple with a young child, and we’ve become quite close. Going out to eat, taking each other’s children when need be, so on and so on.
About a year ago, Hubby became met someone through a mutual friend we will call Mr. A. From the first moment I met Mr. A, I knew something was drastically wrong. He has an anger problem the size of Missouri. He talked about killing his old roommate, his old roommate’s girlfriend, his mother and his sister in the space of an hour. However, he likes to play games, and he’s good at them, so he’s good enough for my husband. He hung around casually for a few months, until he started increasing the time he spent around here.
Then one day, he slips and says something about how the only intelligent races are white people and Asians. I of course, correct him, and he starts justifying his statement with the oddest interpretation of biology I have ever heard. According to Mr A, black people have “rogue DNA” which “infects” other DNA and causes it to “explode”. I respond that this may be the stupidest thing I have ever heard and asked him if he has ever heard of Scientific Racism. I should have banned him from my house then.
Another time, he upbraided my mother for dating a black man. I asked him why this was such a problem and he responded with, “Well, you wouldn’t fuck a horse, would you?” All explanations of species and genus and so on fell on deaf ears. He also told a bi-racial friend of mine that the offspring of bi-racial couples were “barely viable”. We had to leave because a fight broke out.
The other night, he referred to women who have had more than three sexual partners as “damaged goods”. I snapped and told him that I could not control the fact that he was friends with my husband, but I could control whether or not I let him spew this hateful shit around my child. If he was to be in my house, there would be no mention of race, gender, or religion. (another subject he is nutty about.) The night after this incident, he went to my neighbors house and did everything he could to direct the subject towards me. Once it was there, he told them that my marriage was fundamentally flawed because my husband can’t stand to be around me, I’m fat, I’m a bad mother, and that my apartment is much to messy to have children in. I believe his exact words were, “Why do you think “Hubby” is out playing games and going out all the time? Because Torie is intolerable! What would you do if you had a fat wife who took terrible care of your son? Why would he want to sit in that filthy apartment anyway?”
Well, I feel that I should tell my husband. The male half of the couple thinks that because my husband will have heard this second hand, that he would have no right to “act” on it. I really don’t want to see my husband be so friendly with someone who has been so nasty to me, but telling him would drag my neighbors into the situation as well, and I am just not interested in that kind of stupid drama. I don’t feel that I have the right to call my neighbors out like that. However, this is apparently not the first time he has badmouthed me to mutual friends, and it sucks to see him smiling in my husbands face while stabbing him in the back.
So what would be the most mature, non-dramaey way to take care of this, IYHO?