And You Call Yourself A Friend

Hello. I know I’m new, but my rage is great.

Once upon a time, I had a best friend. Her name was Baz. We were close as sisters. We’d known each other since we were four. Blah, blah, blah, closenesscakes.

Then, Baz got a girlfriend. Dun dun dun. We’ll call the girlfriend ‘Amy’, 'cause, well, that’s her name. Baz and I began to slip apart, since she was spending all her time with Amy.

Today, Baz called me, suggested we do something together, “just the two of us. I know we haven’t hung out a lot lately.”

Gee, willikers, Baz, sounds great. What do you want to do?

“How about the movies? Didn’t you say you want to see The Hulk ?”

So, I show up to the fast-food restaurant we’re supposed to meet at. Amy. Is. There. “Can Amy come? I told her it’d be okay with you. Hey, you can invite B, so you don’t get bored.”

(Okay, Vampy, deep breathing.)

Bitch, let me get this straight. You invite me to go do something as friends. Then, you bring your fucking girlfriend, and not only do you bring her, you throw it on me to be either a fucking heinous bitch or cave. Oh, and you’re her ride, so I really can’t say no.

YOU suggest we do something as friends, try to mend the rift. Then YOU show up at the rendezvous with the reason for said rift (note: I actually like Amy, really, I do). And then YOU suggest I find someone else to come along and keep me entertained throughout the movie (Because apparently, I can’t be entertained by a movie alone. What do you think I am, a five-year-old?), tacitly acknowledging that you plan to ignore me through the entire movie.

I feel fairly safe here in saying, “WHAT? THE? FUCK?”

I quelled my rage. I am above my rage. The rage is not my master. I even managed to get through the movie (and the macking going on next to me), and nobly resisted my urge to interrupt Baz’s important makeout session to get her to yell, “Hulk SMASH!!” with me. Because I had no accomplice, I remained silent.

Then, as we were leaving the theater, you grab my arm. “Hey, can I spend the night tonight? We can watch your Buffy season 4 DVDs.”

Oh, dear. See, I know you. I know what lurks behind that sunny smile. I know exactly what you’re going to do. See, Baz, you’ll get here, and then you’ll ‘borrow my computer for just a second’ because you’ve been grounded for yours for two years for looking at porn (and then looking at porn again the minute you got ungrounded). Then you’ll surf the 'Net until I fall asleep. Then you’ll gleefully watch the DVDs yourself until dawn.

And see, really this is my fault, because I made the mistake of letting you know I had the DVDs in the first place. 'Cause you’re too cheap to buy them yourself, and you’re so horrible with stuff I loan you (bitch, you destroyed Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and I still haven’t gotten my 8 Mile DVD back from your ass) that I can’t trust you.

So, you see, I know you. I know what you’re going to do. I know how you operate. I should know better.

But, y’all know what? I’m weak.

She’ll be here in about ten minutes.

You are straight, but your female friend Baz is gay? I know it probably should be obvious from the story… sorry. :slight_smile:

Yes. I’m straight. Baz is bi. B is a gay boy of our acquaintance. Who is probably in the running for ‘Vampy’s New Best Friend’, but that’s another story.

Baz is not a friend. She’s a fair weather friend at best, and at worst, she’s a leech.

Tell her to get her own damn DVD.

Welcome aboard(s), VampyChick!

Baz = Parasite

She is an emotional and physical parasite. DO NOT let her use you. If you allow it, you do not have anything to complain about. You’re acting the doormat and she’s cheerfully wiping her feet. Please grow both spine and brain immediately.

I am not trying to be mean, merely honest. Try not to resent Amy, goodness knows she may well be a completely unwitting accomplice. Yes, it sucks when someone you thought to be a friend wanders off without a care for your relationship.

Think of it this way. Wasn’t it better to find all of this out now, instead of being in a deep personal crisis only to find Baz plucking her eyebrows while you pour out your tale of woe? You do not need this sort of crap. Painful as it might be, please consider writing off your “friend” for the nonce. Spend some time getting to know B, that seems as though it is a non-threatening relationship (no chance of hookup), which is probably a good thing right now.

For your own peace of mind, you might wish to consider confronting Baz with your feelings, if only to confirm your own suspicions. It will help you develop some backbone and also to set limits on just how much crap you’re ever going to take from Baz anymore.

Reporting in for Vampy (we’re internet friends from another board) - the Buffy DVD’s seem to have mysteriously vanished. Gosh, isn’t it funny how things like that happen?

ugh. i can relate and thankfully i’ve weeded people like that out of my life.
This one girl - so cool when it was just “us” (or when she wanted something from me) but would turn into a stranger when she was around her much “cooler crowd”
Plus she would steal from me all the time. Jewlery, cd’s, pot, clothes, apparently all hers for the taking! But for some reason, i kept going back!!
Now she is just a memory.
I am curious about what her life is like now but would never invite her back into mine…

From the above post by teleute12, it looks like it’s time to send up a full scale ASSHOLE ALERT™.

Wait a minute.

What happened to the DVDs? Did they just get stolen by the fake friend, or did someone just hide them? Since it’s only been a little over an hour, she can’t have just come in, grabbed them, and run, right?

I’m so confused.

BTW, if they weren’t stolen and your “friend” comes over, and it looks like you are going to wimp out and not tell her how you feel, why don’t you just show her the message board and direct her here? That way, you get to say all you wanted to say, but were too afraid to. Since she’ll be mooching your computer anyway…

Oh, sorry, I seem to have been misunderstood. Vampy seems to have misplaced her Buffy DVD’s - you know, the ones that Baz came over to watch? So, it seems that the two of them will just have to watch a hockey program, instead. (Vampy’s a hockey fan, I don’t think Baz is.) She’s sure that they’ll turn up sooner or later - maybe tommorow, once Baz goes home?

Also, she hasn’t had a chance to check the thread, since Baz is already there. I’m going to stop speaking for Vampy now, though, since she needs to post more anyways and answering people’s questions is a good way to do so. (See, hon, I told you they don’t bite.)

Gee, how strangly convenient

Yeah, it all worked out surprisingly well. We watched of the hockey, Baz got supremely bored and went to bed.

Oh, I know I have no backbone. I’m working on building one up. Like, Tuesday is slated for ‘Operation Go-To-Baz’s-House-And-Take-Back-My-Stuff.’ And I figure if I wait out the summer, I’m home free, since I’m going to college on the other side of the state, and Baz is staying home. shrug

Hiding the Buffy DVDs was a really good move, VC. You got a chance to see just how interested Baz was in your life. Congratulations, I can hear those vertebrae sprouting already.

Good thing you started young, it took my mother 30 years yo finally figure out she had a problem. I am now the proud child of someone with a spine.

VC, you’re doin’ fine.

If your friends are only your friends when you have stuff they want, and spend the rest of their time with whatever is currently in their crotch, it is definitely time for some new friends.

Gay, straight or bi–a user is a user.

Gather up your stuff, hang with B and others for the summer, then go and meet a whole new group of people at college.

Nothing special to add here, except that I’m in total agreement with those who already posted here. In two words: lose Baz (and others of her ilk).

On the other hand, I just love your writing style! It comes out straight. No detours. And it’s lively…:slight_smile:

Methinks this lil’ un has already made herself a new family in a very short time. Welcome, Vampy.

Am I the only one who thinks that Baz deserves a chance? Maybe she is oblivious. I know there have been times in my life when I’ve been oblivious, and if only someone had slapped me upside the head, I might’ve made better choices.

I would just go with the old honesty one-two. As in, get Baz alone and say;

“Baz, we’ve invested a lot of time in our friendship already, but right now you’re jeopardizing that friendship.
You ditch me for Amy all the time. I know you want to spend lots of time with her because you and she are fucking, but you need people in your life that you aren’t fucking, too, and I fit the bill nicely. Please tell me whether you want to make an effort to make time for me.
I feel like you’re using me for my possessions. I know you’re not that kind of person, but when you don’t return my DVDs and you spend all of our hanging-out time using my Net connection, you end up looking like a user.
You have my loyalty but you’ve lost my respect. Do you want to be friends, or don’t you? It’s your call.”

That sounds very reasonable. The only problem with it is that vampy has already stated that she can’t take that road.

IMHO, when you can’t stand up to someone who is using you, and are afraid of confrontations, then letting that person out of your life is the next best thing to doing nothing and allowing yourself to get used. Baz may need a good wake up call, but it doesn’t look like she’s going to get it from vampy. This means that vampy needs to do what’s good for vampy and get her out of her life. What’s good for Baz will have to wait for the next time around.

whoops, sorry, missed that part
grumble grumblestupid drive-by readinggrumble grumble